


Ed-ucation

by Inkfowl



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blood and Gore, Consent is Sexy, Ed is Ajkslndfad for most of it, Ed's a great student, First time sorta, M/M, Minor plot, Murder Roommates, Oral Sex, Oswald is low-key horny on main, Oswald's a great teacher, Porn With Plot, Splash of Humor, Various Kinks, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:02:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23488768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkfowl/pseuds/Inkfowl
Summary: Edward has THE Penguin as both his roommate and teacher.  He'll be learning from the best killer in Gotham, but Oswald has more than one lesson to impart on his eager student.(The "fun" stuff starts in chapter 2, but there's roommate shenanigans throughout.)
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 125
Kudos: 170





	1. Chapter 1

Ed felt a rush like no other when he killed Leonard. Or well, Oswald had killed Leonard, but Ed helped. Ed had helped  _ The Penguin _ ...with murder...in his own living room! Even the small honor of cutting off a few fingers and making a few knicks made his heart beat faster as if there was electricity in his veins instead of blood. Oh...and the blood.

When Oswald finished there were 26 stab wounds oozing onto Ed’s chair and his floor. Ed had a little on himself and Penguin...he was covered in it. Red was everywhere, but it was most evident in his eyes.

Despite being a crystal blue, Penguin’s rage had him seeing only crimson, and that’s what excited Ed most of all. The passion, the fury...all being conducted through the switchblade as it pierced the man in the chair, a representation of Penguin’s true enemy.

Tarps, that was Oswald’s suggestion for their next lesson. He said it was a rarity to have them ‘in the field’, but they’d be practical for classroom clean-up. Ed was all too happy to oblige, soaking up any knowledge given to him.

That high from his first  _ intentional _ kill carried over to the next. In about five days he had located another low-rung member of Galavan’s crew, someone easily forgotten, and brought him back to the apartment. This time he had laid down tarps as instructed, and set out a variety of weapons.

When he was satisfied he turned to his teacher. “So?”

Oswald had been watching him from the kitchen table the whole time, but barely spoke a word. Even now all he offered was a shrug. “So? What?”

“W-What’s next?” Ed clasped his hands together, eager to begin.

Oswald glanced at Ed and then to the man with a dull expression. “Kill him.”

“Well yes...but how?”

“However you want.”

“However  _ I _ want?” Ed couldn’t deny the thought thrilled him, but the lack of Oswald’s involvement kept him from enjoying it.

“Sure. Unless you want me to show you again.”

The offer was tempting, but Ed didn’t want to back away from an opportunity to demonstrate what he learned. “No, no...I-I can do it.”

He nodded firmly, but came to a halt when he reached for a weapon. “Um...what should I use?”

With a sigh Oswald leaned forward to look over all the available tools. “Hm...any of those would be fine. Used a switchblade last time so maybe try a bigger knife? Small upgrade?”

“Right, right. Baby steps, very smart.” Ed held up the chef’s knife. “Where should I start?”

Oswald heaved another big sigh, throwing one hand up. “Wherever! It doesn’t really matter.”

Ed turned back to the victim, but it wasn't murder on his mind for once, it was Oswald's attitude. He wasn't great with social cues, but he'd be lying if he hadn't noticed a disturbance in his unlikely roommate. He thought things had been looking up after killing Leonard, but it seemed Oswald was slipping back to his depressed state. Except that wasn't exactly it either. Instead of sleeping all day and barely leaving the bed, he would pace around the apartment until his leg bothered him. His attitude towards Ed had also changed, it'd gone from apathetic to friendly, but now it was more irritated and moody.

Ed pressed the edge of the knife against the man's wrist, intending to make a few small cuts to start, but his hand stayed still. He glanced at Oswald who was inspecting his nails. Ed tried to focus on his work again, but what was the point if he didn't have Oswald's full attention? His approval?

Ed took the knife away and set it back on the table. That got Oswald to lift his head. "Trying something else?"

"N-No, I... I guess I'm not feeling up to it right now."

Oswald looked at the situation, and for a second Ed feared he'd disappointed his idol, but then Oswald shrugged. "I trust you don't need help putting things away."

Ed shook his head quickly. Oswald huffed again and then merely moved from the kitchen to the couch while Ed tidied up. After locking the man in the closet, he took a seat besides Oswald. Not too close.

Unsure if he should say anything, Ed figured turning on the TV would be a neutral activity. It'd been left on some nature channel because the image that showed up were two seahorses swimming around the screen.

Ed perked up. "Did you know seahorses  _ actually _ prefer to swim in pairs with their tails linked together? Although, when separate, they can go up to 150cm per hour."

"I did not, because why would I know that?". Oswald slouched, and taking up more space, his leg touched Ed's.

They lived together and even shared a bed so it wasn't unusual for the occasional contact, but every brush sent a shock through Ed. It reminded him that he was imagining anything, that The Penguin was really here.

Still, he brought his knees closer together to give Oswald personal space. "Well if you don't want to watch this I think… Oh! I think there was a special on the history channel."

Oswald didn't share Ed's enthusiasm, and he scoffed. "Nothing on your pay-per view?"

"What? Like wrestling?" Ed recalled people talking about paying for specific matches, but it meant very little to him.

Oswald actually snorted. "I guess you could call it that."

Ed cocked his head to the side, continuing to give Oswald a quizzical look. After some time, and after glancing between Ed and the TV, Oswald gave him the same look.

"W-Wait...do you not watch porn?"

Whether it was the casual delivery, the fact that it came from Penguin, or the question itself, Ed's eyes widened. He somehow managed two words in his surprise. "Do  _ you _ ?"

Either Oswald didn't hear him or he ignored the question because he just looked off to the side. "Huh. That explains a lot."

"What?! What does that explain? What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

Oswald's focus was on him again. "You don’t have any dirty mags, no lube, and two loose condoms in your drawer. I-"

Ed stood up, he wasn't one to interrupt, but he was still stuck processing the whole conversation. "You went through my stuff?!"

"What do you expect?" Oswald sat up straight, casually gesturing around. "I can't leave, I can't run my city, you’re working for the enemy all day...I'm  **_bored_ ** ."

“Oh. You’re  _ bored _ ?”

Oswald leaned forward. “You know, I used to spend my days striking fear into others, commanding an empire-”

“And watching porn apparently?”

“I said  **days** , that is on a completely different list.” Oswald pointed at him. “But now...I am stuck in this prison, and the least I could do is learn about my jailer.”

Ed’s mouth hung open, trying to come up with any response. Finally, he crossed his arms and put on his most serious expression. “F-First of all...none of what you said gives you permission to go through my stuff, and secondly, I am not your jailer. I-I actually see us having a host and guest relationship.”

“Guests are allowed to go outside.”

They’d had this conversation over and over, and after everything this attitude was weighing on Ed’s patience. Instead of fighting, he bent down to meet Oswald’s eyes.

“You can leave if you want to get killed by Galavan. Until then, if you’re  _ bored _ , try finding a hobby that doesn’t involve tearing my place apart.”

Oswald moved his face closer, with such a fierceness that Ed almost backed away, but then he sat back against the couch. “Fine.”

Ed sighed and stood straight. “Thank you.”

“It’s not like I have anywhere left to check.” Oswald muttered.

Sometimes Ed questioned his choice of roommate, but he had to remind himself what this was all for. He was going through a change, and he needed the best guide for it. So he simply rolled his eyes and went to his dresser.

“Because I’m ‘working with the enemy’ tomorrow, I’m going to shower. Unless you need to use it first.”

Oswald was clicking through channels. “Go ahead.”

Ed watched the back of his head from the bathroom doorway. “And  **don’t** buy anything  _ adult _ .”

“Anything _ adult _ . Who says that?” Then Oswald glanced over his shoulder. “I’m looking for the cooking channel by the way, if that’s okay with you Mother Superior.”

Sometimes he  _ really _ questioned his choice of roommate.

* * *

After taking a purposefully long shower, Ed got ready to go to sleep, but he paused before opening the door. It wasn’t that he wanted to avoid Oswald, but he didn’t think he had sufficient time to go over their latest conversation.

He’d reached the conclusion that he wasn’t as mad about the snooping as he was about the backhanded comments on his sex life.  _ Which _ ...that was a whole different problem that Ed had trouble solving. He had no idea how to recover from this.

The nature of his relationship with Oswald was mostly professional from Ed’s point of view. Talking about sex wasn’t very professional, unless of course that  _ was _ the profession, but that wasn’t the case here. So maybe that meant Oswald had a different interpretation of their relationship.

Did it mean Oswald considered him a friend? Did friends talk about stuff like this? Ed didn’t have a lot of experience with friends, but based on some locker room chatter he overheard...that could be a logical explanation. At least it was more logical than his second option.

For less than a second Ed wondered if Oswald was curious about his sex life because he wanted to be a  **part** of said life. At the time, the thought made the shampoo bottle slip out of Ed’s hand, and that was also the last time he considered it. The King of Gotham wouldn’t have anything to do with someone like Ed.

Which led to the last, and most likely explanation: Oswald was making fun of him. Oswald put together the pieces of Ed’s inexperience and was waiting for an opportunity to embarrass him. To emasculate him and push his buttons. If he wasn’t the subject of the ridicule he could see it as an impressive act of manipulation.

Ed straightened his spine. Well...he wasn’t going to let this get to him. This was  _ his _ apartment, and Oswald may not be his prisoner but he wasn’t going to roll over. Wasn’t that part of his education anyway? Learning how to assert himself in the darker parts of Gotham?

He opened the door, fully prepared to defend himself, when he saw the rest of the apartment was dark. The television was off and the only light came from the neon sign outside. Oswald was just a lump of covers on the bed.

Ed wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or relieved. Either way, he sighed and went to climb in on his side. He always slept with his back to Oswald, and tonight was no exception. It gave Oswald the most room to toss, turn, stretch, and move any other way during the night.

Ed was starting to fall asleep when Oswald’s foot nudged his calf. He instinctively pulled away and looked over his shoulder. Oswald’s face twitched as it sometimes did when he was dreaming. Ed didn’t know why he expected anything different, but he still moved closer to the edge.

* * *

When Ed woke up the next morning, he’d almost forgotten about anything that happened last night. He remembered as soon as he saw Oswald in the morning, but he pushed it away, along with any leftover embarrassment.

While he was making breakfast, Oswald came shuffling into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry.” Oswald’s delivery was so casual it almost startled Ed more than the words. “I hope I didn’t upset you too much last night.”

“Oh. Oh it’s…” Ed waved a hand around, “it’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Good. Because I really didn’t mean any offense. It’s just odd to me because…”

Ed took a breath in, shutting his eyes. Great. When he opened them a second later, Oswald was walking towards the table.

“Well…” he turned to look at Ed, “you see, during my time under Ms. Mooney, everyone talked about everything. Murder, sex, the weather - they were all treated the same. So with you being…”

Oswald gestured to Ed, first vaguely and then he tried to make his point by running a finger across his throat. “I just assumed it wouldn’t be a big deal for you either.”

“Hm. Um...thank you for your understanding.” Ed took his plate and sat across the table. “I-I just wasn’t expecting any of it last night. I...don’t talk about my personal life very often.”

“I figured as much,” Oswald smiled, “but you have no reason to be embarrassed.”

Ed shook his head. “Oh! I uh...I’m not… Embarrassed? No, it’s-it’s fine.”

“Well that’s great, that’ll make things easier.”

Ed lifted his fork, but then he set it back down. “Make what easier?”

“One of my new hobbies.” Oswald picked up a piece of toast. “I’m going to teach you how to improve your sex life.”

It’s a good thing Ed hadn’t taken a bite of anything because he’d probably be choking on it. Still, it was like he was choking because he couldn’t get any sound out.

Oswald held up a hand. “To clarify, I’m not going to be setting you up with anyone for obvious reasons. I just want to broaden your horizons because frankly...I don’t think  _ you _ even know what you like.”

“E-Excuse me?”

“Again, I don’t want to offend you, but am I wrong?” Ed was so flabbergasted he couldn’t respond, to which Oswald shrugged and kept talking. “I mean maybe I’m way off, maybe you don’t even enjoy sex and I-”

“Oh I enjoy sex!” Ed pointed at himself. “I had a girlfriend!”

That didn’t come out right, and judging from Oswald’s lack of a reaction it meant nothing to the conversation. Ed shook his head and resettled himself. “Look, why do you even care?”

Oswald blinked. “Because I want you to enjoy yourself. You like science and experimentation, right? It’ll be like that.”

The word ‘experiment’ piqued Ed’s interest, because there was no shame in the pursuit of harmless knowledge, but he dismissed it anyway. “I asked you to teach me about murder and crime, not sex ed.”

Oswald leaned forward with the hint of a smile. “Why can’t I do both?”

Ed caught Oswald’s blue eyes looking up through his dark lashes. It reminded him a little of the look Kristen had when she took him to bed. He never pictured The Penguin as a sexual creature, but now he wasn’t sure what to make of it. His mind started replacing the images of Kristen with that of Oswald: panting, touching…

Oswald sat back in the chair. “Just think about it.” Oh he was thinking about it. “But if it makes you uncomfortable, let me know and we can pretend the whole thing never happened.”

“I-I…” He couldn’t stand to look at Oswald and instead glanced down at his hands. That’s when he noticed his watch. “I should head to work.”

Oswald peered at the clock on the wall. “Hm, I suppose. I wonder if Jim’s already there or if he’s still asleep. Passed out from some semi-heroic waste of time.”

Oswald smiled, and it was too similar to the one he’d given Ed; for someone who wasn’t even here. Maybe he misinterpreted it the first time. That could make sense, Oswald was just playing more mind games.

Ed sighed and stood up. "You don't need to worry about Jim. He's much too busy with his own problems."

Oswald finally turned his attention from the clock back to Ed. "You're not leaving without eating are you? You should at least have some toast."

"Yes, yes I'm going to, but I'm just going to grab the-" Ed opened a cupboard to see an empty spot. "Did you eat the last of the peanut butter?"

Oswald tried to look innocent. "Oh, I was going to mention that… I put it on the shopping list though."

Ed then had to grab the list attached to the fridge in addition to a plain piece of toast. He shot Oswald a look. "Well that's something. Alright, I'll be back later. Please don't call me if you can avoid it, and  _ bored _ is not considered an emergency."

Oswald waved him away with an eye roll, and then Ed slipped out the door.

* * *

He tried to focus solely on his work, losing himself in the world of analyzing blood and other evidence. However, his mind kept drifting back to Oswald. Why concern himself with Ed's personal life? What did he get out of it? And if he wanted to make fun of Ed, why apologize or ask about his comfort level?

Speaking of which, he wasn't sure what his comfort level was. How was he supposed to react to Gotham's most notorious criminal offering to… Well Ed couldn't even fathom what Oswald had in mind. Were they going to talk o-or something visual or did Oswald mean...

As soon as a thought came, Ed tried to ignore it. Trying not to imagine any of the ideas, each one making him a bit more uncomfortable, but...but he couldn’t say that was necessarily a bad thing. He didn't hate this churning in his stomach. Would it be that awful to have his idol watch him as he stroked himself, all the while whispering about what a good job he was doing?

Ed squeezed his tweezers too hard and the bullet popped off onto the table. He caught it in his gloved hand before it rolled anywhere it could be contaminated. Work, that's what needed his attention. Oswald could wait until he was off the clock.

Surprisingly, his phone didn't ring once during his entire shift. Oswald usually called him once or twice for some pointless reason, but even as he made a run to the grocery store his phone was silent.

He checked off the last item on his list when he noticed that there was an address scrawled on the bottom. He didn’t recognize it, but he knew the street name and it wasn’t too far from his apartment. When he pulled up to the building, he realized why he’d never been here and why Oswald sent him.

The sex shop wasn’t as obvious as most, a simple and sleek black building, but there were still three neon Xs in the otherwise blacked out windows indicating its purpose. The suggestive silhouette of a mermaid above the door provided another clue.

“Hello?” Oswald picked up on the third ring.

“Scales, huh?”

“Oh!” He sounded far too excited. “Did you go inside?”

“No, but I’m sitting across the street wondering why you directed me to this particular location."

"Because if you're taking lessons, you need supplies." The academic wording did nothing to calm Ed. "But don't worry, I already had Sheila gather everything so there's no work for you."

"W-Wait, wait, wait who's Sheila? You called someone? You didn't give a name did you?" The last thing he needed was Oswald exposing himself for something so ridiculous.

"She's an old friend. One who goes way back to when Ms. Mooney opened Scales so she knows how to keep a secret. You should tell her I say 'hi' when you go in."

"IF I go in." Ed hunched down when he spotted a passerby.

"You should!" Oswald's voice was firm. "Even if you're not interested in my education you should go in just for the experience. Maybe pick up a video, or see if anything catches your eye."

Ed wasn't convinced, and his silence gave Oswald another opportunity to speak.

"Or if not for the experience, maybe I can entice you with some history?" Oswald did take on a more seductive tone. "Just so you know, there's a private room in the back that served as a torture chamber for Fish's enemies. The trick is to turn up the volume so no one questions any grunts and screams. I've personally been a part of eight such occasions...only half of which survived."

Ed looked at the building. A glossy black box of murder and mystery. Whether it was awe or hesitation, he didn’t realize how quiet everything was until Oswald’s voice cut through one more time.

“Hello? Ed?”

“Uh, uh yeah I’m still here just…” He didn’t actually have an answer yet.

“Well whatever you do, don’t spend too long making up your mind. You’ve still got groceries to bring back.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Ed glanced in the rearview mirror, “I’ll uh, talk to you when I get home.”

He shut the phone and gave the shop one more look, biting his bottom lip. A moment later he jogged across the street and slipped inside the door before someone else could walk by.

The inside was as neat as the outside, with black and turquoise detailing. There were two other people, one a customer and then the lady behind the counter. She glanced up, but didn’t pay him much attention. He assumed this was ‘Sheila’, but he wasn’t sure he should approach her yet.

Instead, he wandered towards the back wall, imitating someone with purpose. After a bit of light browsing, his nerves finally settled. It was a new experience for sure, but nowhere near as daunting as he imagined. Except he did tense up when he passed the curtain to the back rooms.

While he pretended to look at the shelves of videos, he kept glancing at the black velvet. Oswald had walked eight people past those curtains, but only four walked out. If they had the strength to walk at all…

What sort of torture went on back there? Broken kneecaps? Light cutting and lost fingers like Leonard? Or maybe something entirely different. Maybe Oswald played with these victims a bit more, drawing out their suffering or mocking their cries.

Oswald said there were screams though, and Ed tried to imagine what they sounded like. And did Oswald ever scream back at them? Shouting orders or demanding answers from bloody mouths.

It was too easy to think of all the terrible things Oswald could do, and how Ed wished he could be there.

“Do you need any help?”

Ed was startled by Sheila’s voice next to him. He turned to look at her, trying to cover up his surprise. “Oh um...n-no I was just…”

He grabbed a random tape. “Found it.”

She didn’t even look at his choice, she just nodded. “Alright. Well, if you need anything I’ll be upfront.”

“T-Thank you.” As she started to walk away he spoke up again. “Actually...I-I think I’m supposed to pick something up?”

She tilted her head. “Uh, sure. Yeah, come on over.”

He followed her to the counter and she pressed a few buttons on her till. “And what was the name?”

He started to say his own when he realized he didn’t know if that was the right answer. He glanced between her and the monitor. “Oswald?”

Without hesitation, she typed it in, but then she blinked at the screen. “Cobblepot?”

Ed started to panic for a split-second, as she looked him over. However, Sheila just scoffed. “That’s right, that’s right he called earlier.”

She pulled a black bag from under the counter. “Man I miss that kid, how’s he doing? Probably in trouble again isn’t he?”

Ed opened his mouth, but then she held up a hand. “Actually, it’s probably better I don’t know anything. Whatever it is, I do  **not** need any of that spilling into my life. Is that part of the same order?”

She pointed at the VHS Ed forgot he was holding. Too nervous to do anything else, he handed it over “Oh! Ah, yes.”

She quickly scanned it before putting it in the bag and reading off his total. He fished out his wallet, and that’s when he stopped to think. Buying this would mean he agreed to Oswald’s offer, at least in some capacity.

He looked at the black bag again, unsure of its contents or future uses. He’d already gotten this far, but that didn’t mean he had to continue. He could tell Sheila it was all a mistake and walk away without a backwards glance.

Sheila shoved his receipt in the bag and wished him a goodnight, as well as instructing him to return Oswald’s ‘hello’. Ed gave a parting nod and was back in his car in no time, tossing the bag in with the others.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Lesson" one, Ed's introductory course to finding what he likes, starting with the basics.

After sliding the metal door shut behind him, Ed piled all his purchases onto the kitchen counter. Oswald was sitting at the piano, only looking up from a songbook after Ed opened the fridge.

“Welcome back, how was work?”

“Nothing too exciting. Today’s victim was shot through the chest during a simple mugging.” He put away any cold items before moving onto the cupboards.

Oswald scoffed and strolled over. “Pathetic. Where are the big crimes? The power moves and messages from the underworld? I can’t wait to get out there again, then I’ll really leave you something worthwhile.”

It was too much to hope that Oswald meant what he said, and that he’d start committing elaborate murders for Ed to solve. Still, the thought made him smile as he set a new jar of peanut butter on the shelf.

Then he heard rustling behind him and saw Oswald digging out the black bag. He peered inside before smiling up at Ed. “So.”

Despite knowing what his purchase would entail, Ed’s cheeks got a little pink. “Well...well I decided I didn’t have anything to lose from...accepting some help. And-And it wouldn’t hurt to try, right?”

Oswald chuckled softly. “Not unless you want it to.”

All the air was sucked from Ed’s lungs once he realized what was implied. His mind drifted back to the black velvet curtains and the private rooms. He squeezed his eyes shut and went back to his task until he heard more rustling.

Oswald pulled out the video Ed had almost forgotten about again. “Is this all you got for yourself?”

“Oh, I...I didn’t want to waste a lot of time looking.”

“Hm,” Oswald flipped it over, “interesting choice. Are we going to watch this tonight?”

Ed coughed at the sudden lump in his throat. _We._

Before he could answer, Oswald continued. “Although I can leave if you prefer, or more accurately I can hide in the bathroom while you pretend I’m not here.”

“Uh...I-I don’t...I don’t really care.” Ed thought of them both on the couch and wondered if he could even focus on the screen in that case. “I’m okay if you are.”

Oswald nodded and smiled. “Should I put it on now, or are you…”

He gestured to the open cabinet which Ed promptly shut. “Go ahead, I’m-I’m done here.”

“Alright then.” There wasn’t a literal skip in his step, but Oswald moved pretty lightly as he popped the tape into Ed’s old VCR. “Do you want the lights on or off?”

Ed hadn’t moved from his spot in the kitchen. “Um...off? Right?”

“Whichever you prefer, there’s no right answer.”

No right answer? If there was no right answer how could Ed know he was doing this correctly? If he was supposed to be learning something, there had to be a base or a norm to follow.

“Well...what do you like?”

“I asked you first.” Oswald walked back to grab the black bag and toss it on the coffee table.

Ed frowned, thinking. Kristen liked a darker room, but that was a slightly different scenario. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before reaching a conclusion.

“Off.”

“Final answer?” Oswald sat on the couch with a teasing smile.

Ed wanted to be mad, but he couldn’t stop his own smile. “Don’t...don’t you dare.”

Oswald laughed, which made Ed chuckle too. He flipped off the lights and walked over to the couch, sitting as proper as before. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad or awkward, maybe Oswald was right and it wouldn’t be a big deal.

Ed wasn’t sure what to expect from porn. Well, he knew the basics from more eavesdropping: a girl, a guy, a cheesy plot, and then sex. So far everything seemed to be on track, a repairman came to fix a television, but it was lacking an important feature. The girl hadn’t showed up yet.

There was no girlfriend, or bombshell blonde, just a surprisingly sweaty repairman and then the guy with his TV talking about…

Suddenly the two characters kissed and Ed wanted to smother himself with a pillow. No. Oh no. Of all the random videos he could’ve grabbed...and he didn’t even _have_ to grab anything. How could he have failed a task he wasn’t even assigned?

He tried to be as inconspicuous as possible when he glanced at Oswald. He couldn’t get a very clear read, but if it bothered Oswald in any way, he wasn’t showing it. Ed on the other hand did everything he could not to run from the room.

He looked at the door, lightly tapping his foot while debating how rude it **would** be to leave. Then he felt a hand on his knee, apparently his foot tapping had evolved into leg bouncing. Although now he was perfectly still as he followed the hand up to Oswald’s face.

Still, the man was unreadable. “Are you okay?”

Ed, unable to make words, nodded. “Mmhm.”

Finally Oswald’s face showed a recognizable emotion, but sadly it was skepticism. “Ed...did you pick this for yourself or because you thought _I’d_ like it?”

“D-Do you like it?”

Oswald scoffed. “I mean, what’s not to like?”

Onscreen one of the men had pulled the other’s shirt off. Ed looked back to Oswald. “Be...Because it’s gay?”

This time Oswald actually laughed, taking his hand away from Ed to cover his own mouth. Then he realized Ed was still looking at him in confusion.

With a slight head tilt of his own, Oswald stated. “I’m gay.”

Ed didn’t mean for such a strong reaction, but both of his eyebrows shot up. “You are?”

Oswald almost looked offended. “H-How do you not...I mean I...nevermind.”

He glanced to the side and chewed on his cheek. “Then...if you didn’t pick it for me, did you-”

Ed blurted out before the impending question. “I had a girlfriend! And...I liked **her**.”

Once again, that information did nothing helpful. In fact, it only made Oswald shift a little closer, looking him right in the eye.

“And?” His eyes darted to the screen for a moment. “You can like both.”

Ed also took a second to watch the men onscreen. They were both conventionally attractive, but anyone would think that. And anyone would feel this nervousness when watching two conventionally attractive people kiss. 

But Ed realized it wasn’t entirely nervousness that was pooling in the bottom of his stomach. It wasn’t exactly the same as what he’d felt for Kristen either, but there could be a connection

Oswald’s voice pulled him out of his spinning headspace, grounding him by replacing the hand on his leg. “So, I’ll ask again, do you like it or not? No right answer.”

Ed’s eyes darted between the TV, Oswald’s hand, and off to the side. He finally stopped on Oswald’s hand. “Well...I like _this_.”

He kept his head low, too anxious to look up. After a moment, Oswald started to move his fingers in a circular motion around Ed’s knee. He moved a little closer, but his voice got quieter.

“You do?”

Ed nodded. Oswald smiled, nothing suggestive, it was soft. “Good, that’s progress.”

Ed felt some relief in that, but he felt the real progress came from Oswald’s hand making its way up his thigh. Touching and kneading as it went. Ed didn’t know what to do with his own hands, or the rest of himself. Although when Oswald’s fingers brushed against the growing bulge in his pants, he jerked away.

Oswald pulled back slightly, hovering and waiting for a clear sign. Ed was blushing, his face was far too hot, but he swallowed any uncertainty as he let his legs relax again. Oswald resumed his exploration and groping, and eventually he moved to Ed’s waistband.

As he undid the button and slowly pulled down the zipper, Ed’s breathing was getting harder to keep steady. It wasn’t until Oswald started to slip his hand under the elastic on his underwear that he made any noise though. I was only a light whimper, but it made Oswald smile.

But Ed’s sound was quickly drowned out by that of the TV. Apparently the porno had enough plot and had since devolved into its main purpose. With a click of the remote, Oswald got rid of the image.

“I don’t think we need their guidance anymore.”

Ed kind of chuckled. “We weren’t following very closely anyway. They kissed before anything else.”

He didn’t expect his attempt at a joke would get Oswald to lean in. “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you _want_ to kiss me first?”

Ed wanted to die actually. He wanted to die right then and there so he wouldn’t have to admit how badly he wanted to kiss Oswald. How he would crawl across hot coals just for the honor of kissing The Penguin’s boot.

Unfortunately he had to keep living and stuttering. “O-On the mouth?”

It made Oswald laugh though. “Or anywhere you’d like.”

Probably seeing how frozen Ed was, Oswald laughed again. “The mouth is fine, and I get the feeling I should be a good teacher and lead by example.”

Ed found his chin locked between Oswald’s thumb and the rest of his hand. Then he slowly moved in to kiss Ed. Not too firm, not too soft, it was perfect. Of course it was perfect, there was nothing Oswald couldn’t do.

When they parted Ed was breathless, staring helplessly into those blue irises. Oswald fluttered his lashes to break the spell.

“Alright, now you try.”

The instruction was simple enough, but Ed struggled to keep his hand from shaking as he brought it to Oswald’s cheek. Thankfully, once he made contact Oswald nuzzled into his palm. He started to lean in, and then impatience, boldness, or clumsiness brought his lips crashing into Oswald’s.

It wasn’t a failed operation though, as Oswald hummed against him, and helped him get better aligned. Then Oswald tilted his head, letting his mouth open just enough for his tongue to poke at Ed’s lips.

Ed immediately accepted this new assignment and started copying the way Oswald’s tongue moved against his own. He remembered how this was with Kristen, and at this point he’d wrapped his free arm around her, which he figured would work in this case too.

Oswald let Ed bring him closer, but he pulled away from the kiss. Ed was worried he’d done something wrong, but then Oswald’s hands smoothed over his chest.

“Did you happen to peek inside that bag when you picked it up?”

“No I...I didn’t even really think about it.”

“Oh you should’ve.” Oswald reached over to the coffee table and pulled out a purple bottle. “There’s some fun stuff in there.”

Ed looked at the bottle. “For instance...?”

“For instance, just a little bit of this,” he popped the lid and poured what looked like gel into his hand, “makes everything a **lot** better in my experience.”

Then he held out the bottle for Ed to read. He got to the brand name and the word ‘lubricant’ before he was startled by Oswald’s other hand snaking into his pants. The gel was a little cold, but it did make everything feel better.

Ed pressed himself into Oswald’s hand while leaning forward for another kiss. Either Oswald dropped the bottle or merely put it down, but soon his free hand was tracing along Ed’s collar and then further down to loosen his buttons. Meanwhile Ed’s hands were wrapped around Oswald or tangled in his hair.

It was an extremely pleasant situation until Oswald rubbed him in _just_ the right way, which made his hips buck up involuntarily, and he broke away from their kiss. He was going to apologize when he got distracted by the way Oswald licked his lips; a spark in his eyes.

“Mm, think you’re ready for the next lesson?”

Ed was actually tempted to say ‘no’. Things were already so good and the thought of them getting better was almost terrifying. But that thrill is what made him rapidly nod his head.

Oswald took his hands and pulled him off the couch. “Alright then, follow the leader.”

Ed allowed himself to be brought to his bed where Oswald half-guided, half-pushed him onto the mattress. He fell on his elbows, looking up at his teacher, and awaiting instruction. He was left waiting while Oswald slipped out of Ed’s old robe and plaid shirt.

The mini striptease raised the hairs on Ed’s neck, as he took in the beautifully exposed skin. Oswald caught him staring and smirked. “Is that another thing you like?”

Ed blushed, an embarrassed chuckle sneaking out. “A-Apparently.”

“If only I’d known, I would’ve dragged it out.” Oswald tossed the shirt aside. “Now, can I ask you something else?”

“Of course, anything.”

Instead of climbing on the bed as Ed expected, Oswald dropped down to his knees. “Did your girlfriend ever give you head, Ed?”

The little rhyme made the blush on Ed’s cheeks deepen. “N-N-No.”

“Oh…” in one swift tug Ed’s lower half was fully exposed, “then you’re in for a treat my friend.”

He barely had time to react to being naked, let alone prepare for the feeling of Oswald’s mouth on his cock.

It was warm and wet, Oswald’s saliva mixing with the remaining lube, and Ed’s head tipped back as he let out a moan.

Oswald’s tongue teased along his length. Going from tip to base, over and under until Ed was writhing on the bed. It was quite the sight to have Oswald between his legs, kneeling on the hardwood as he explored Ed’s most intimate parts.

However, before Oswald could go any farther, Ed shifted away. “Wait, wait, wait…”

“Something wrong?” Oswald also pulled back.

“N-No you’re doing...no. Uh...I...that can’t be good for your leg, and…” he wasn’t sure how to broach the topic, “are you comfortable?”

Oswald laughed a few times. “Trust me, you’d know if I was uncomfortable.”

Ed recounted multiple complaints about everything. “Oh, okay. I...but wouldn’t it be better if you were on the bed? I just...it’d be softer right?”

“Well...if it makes _you_ feel better about _me_ feeling better…” Oswald emphasized his words by running his hands along Ed’s thighs, “I suppose we could move.”

When he stood up, Ed scrambled back towards the head of the bed to give him space.

Oswald’s chuckle was much lower this time as he crawled onto the mattress. “My, my eager aren’t you?”

Ed wanted to say he was more nervous than anything, but he lost the ability to speak when Oswald kissed his leaking tip, licking at the sensitive slit.

Oswald looked up, proud of the mewls and whimpers he caused. “Can’t wait to see what I look like sucking your cock?”

Ed couldn’t do more than stare with wide eyes, but then Oswald’s provocative smile started to dim. “Okay, does dirty talk work for you? I honestly can’t tell.”

Rapidly nodding Ed stammered. “O-Oh yes! Yes it’s working.”

“Is it really?” Oswald’s flirtatious tone was back, but his lips pouted. “I wish you were more vocal about what you like from me.”

The request was followed by more kisses and Oswald’s hand wrapping around the base of Ed’s erection. He pumped it a few times before holding it steady as he guided the throbbing shaft into his mouth.

And with those blue eyes still looking into his own, Ed wouldn’t deny Penguin’s wish. “Everything! Oh God Oswald...ah, I like everything you’re doing. I-I…”

He cut himself off with a gasp when he felt Oswald’s teeth gently scrape along the underside. It also made his hips jerk upward, thrusting deeper down Oswald’s throat.

His sudden move startled Oswald too and he pulled off, coughing a little. Oh no, oh no. He’d ruined it.

“I’m sorry, I’m-”

Oswald coughed again. “It happens, but it means I’m doing something right. However…” he grabbed Ed’s hands and placed them by his hips, “it’d help if you could prevent any repeats.”

Ed nodded, taking his job very seriously. He did his best to keep himself in place while Oswald worked on him.

It was an unimaginable feeling. The tongue swirling around the base of his cock while his tip hit the back of Oswald’s throat. Sometimes it’d be teeth and sometimes it would just be the sight of Oswald’s mouth, lips turning red and cheeks hollowed, that would make Ed arch his back or moan long and loud.

When Oswald picked up the pace, one of Ed’s hands slipped off to grab a fistful of sheets. “Ah, ah, ah! Oh...oh yes...Oswald…”

The speed and the heat and the beautiful display were finally enough to push Ed over the edge. He came with a grunt, biting down on his lip until the high was fading. That’s also when he opened his eyes to see Oswald popping off his softening cock.

He noticed some spit at the corner of his mouth, and then quickly realized it wasn’t spit. “Oh dear, oh dear did I- did you…”

“Again, you’re fine.” Oswald smiled and used the back of his hand to wipe his mouth. “But it’s courteous to give a little heads up, so remember that for next time.”

“O-Okay. I…” _Next time_? Did he hear that correctly? Was there going to be a next time? Was it going to be the same? Did he do well enough to pass...wait, did he do anything at all?

He was lost in thought when he felt the bed shift as Oswald started to move. He sat up to catch Oswald’s hand, but then immediately pulled away. “W-Wait...a uh, question?”

Oswald blinked. “Yes…?”

Ed knew what he wanted to ask, but he took his time with the words because he would race through them otherwise. “If this is all for my education, isn’t practicing an important part of that? A-And is it not also courteous to return a favor?”

He glanced down as he finished speaking, but he saw Oswald’s eyebrows go up. Then he heard an almost whisper come from the other man.

“If you want to.”

He offered a smile. “What kind of student would I be if I didn’t show what I learned?”

Then he quickly moved to the side and gestured for Oswald to lie down in his place. Oswald gave Ed one last look before crawling forward, but he stopped Ed from nestling between his knees.

“Hold on, what do you know about putting a condom on?”

“I did pretty well with the banana in school.” Ed also recalled the talk on diseases. “Do we need one?”

“No, it’s not a need, but it could be good to practice.”

“Oh! Of course.” Ed started to reach for his bedside table, but Oswald stopped his hand.

“Ew, don’t use those, there’s a brand new box in the bag.”

Ed looked back towards the couch. “Sure, sure, yeah.”

He left to grab the box from the black bag. He could tell there was more in there, but he didn’t waste time wondering what all Oswald had planned. When he turned back to the bed Oswald had already shimmied out of the pajama pants and underwear.

Ed had to pause to take in the sight. He’d seen Oswald naked before, the night he rescued him in the woods, but that was under much different circumstances. That had been like undressing a corpse: cold, passive, stiff. Whereas now, the body in front of him was hot blooded, inviting, and stiff in a **very** different way.

Oswald caught him staring and lazily ran a finger along his cock. “Sorry, did you want to do the undressing? Make your own discoveries?”

That would’ve been quite the discovery. Ed remained frozen in his admiration. Then he heard Oswald clear his throat.

“Well…?”

Ed shook himself out of the stupor and hurried to the bed. He fished a foil square out of the box and opened it before pausing again. It hit him that he _really_ didn’t know what he was doing. A banana had not been the best model.

“Ed?”

He looked from his task to meet Oswald’s eyes. “Uh...I-I…”

Then Oswald propped himself up with one arm and placed a hand on Ed’s. “Need any help?”

Blushing, he nodded his head, but Oswald only smiled at him. With some guidance it didn’t take long for them to roll the condom down. Oswald also used Ed’s hand to stroke himself a few times.

Ed didn’t mean too, but he couldn’t contain a giggle. Understandably, it made Oswald raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“Oh nothing, I…” he accidentally laughed again, “it feels weird.”

He stopped when he realized what he said. “N-Not in a bad way though! I-I just never touched another man’s penis before. I mean I don’t even really touch…” he caught Oswald’s look again, “I’m sorry, I’m talking a lot.”

“Oh, oh no you’re fine.” Then Oswald shifted his tone when he pursed his lips. “But maybe you could put that mouth to better use.”

It took Ed a second, and then he let out a squeak. Oswald dropped the flirty act again to reach out to him. “Oh Ed I’m sorry. Too much?”

“No, no, no! I-I…” he briefly covered his face, “it’s just so new, and I don’t want to disappoint you, and I already-”

“Ed. It’s your first time, you don’t have to be perfect. But if you’re too uncomfor-”

“No! No, I can do it, I want to try.” He nodded firmly, and that was enough to get Oswald to relax again.

Filled with a new determination to try his best, Ed copied Oswald’s earlier position. Following the example set for him, he started by lathing the entire length with his tongue.

Oswald was less restrained than Ed when it came to making noise, and each ‘oh’ and ‘ah’ spurred Ed on. When he was feeling brave enough he wrapped his lips around the head.

He knew Oswald was uncircumcised, but he wasn’t prepared for the feel of the extra skin, even though the condom. Still, it gave his tongue more to do as he went a little lower.

It was more of a stretch on his lips than he expected, and Oswald’s cock was surprisingly heavy. When it became a strain he’d stop to bob his head up and down before trying to take more.

Meanwhile, Oswald was moaning and clutching at the pillow above him. It gave Ed a sense of pride, excited that he was able to do this for his mentor. He closed his eyes and focused on the stiff member in his mouth.

He felt fingers through his hair, and then they curled into a tight grip. That’s what got him to moan and lift his head. He looked at Oswald with his mouth open.

Oswald’s eyes went from hooded to wide open, and he let go. “I’m sorry, did I-”

Ed had to correct him. “No! Don’t be sorry! I…I...”

Then it seemed Oswald got the message as his lips curled up into a wicked smile. “You like it? Is that it? You like when I pull your hair?”

He grabbed a fistful to demonstrate and Ed whimpered. Oswald used his grip to bring Ed back down, stopping short of his tip. “What about this? What if I used that power to make you choke on my cock, huh?”

Part of Ed wanted to beg for that outcome, even if it was the first night. He felt embarrassed, but again, not necessarily in a bad way. He was surprisingly okay with all these new desires and discoveries.

However, Oswald’s fingers relaxed and he simply stroked Ed’s hair. “But that might be a bit advanced for right now. Why don’t we take it easy this time?”

Despite the calming gesture, Ed was still panting from the recent thrill. With each hot breath he saw Oswald’s cock twitch. Then, when he had enough air, Ed swallowed him down as far as possible.

It got a shout from Oswald. “Oh fuck! Fuck...uh, yes…”

Usually displeased by such language, Ed found the profanity heavenly. He wanted to hear more, vulgar affirmations.

He also wished he could take all of Oswald, get his lips around the base as Oswald had done to him but the gag reflex was a tricky thing. He tried to force it, or bob up and down trying to take it deeper each time, but to no avail.

Finally, on one attempt he had to pull back. “I-I can’t. I-It’s too much.”

“T-That’s okay.” Oswald stuttered between breaths, and Ed could tell how close he was. How close Ed left him. “F-Fini...u-use your hand if you want.”

Ed grabbed the trembling cock at its tip, massaging around the slit as Oswald thrust into his hand. Then Ed moved lower, squeezing and twisting his way to hold it at the base. He got his mouth around the head again, feeling Oswald shiver under him.

He only went about halfway, but he concentrated on sucking and licking what he could, teasing the rest with his fingers.

Oswald’s groaning and gasping only got louder. “Yes, yes, yes, yes! God yes, fuck! A-Almost...I-I’m...I’m…”

Ed assumed that was supposed to be an example of a warning because soon after he felt Oswald jerk as the condom started to fill. Ed almost wished the barrier wasn’t there. He wanted the opportunity to know what it tasted like, and to know what Oswald experienced earlier.

Instead he pulled off to watch Oswald’s face post orgasm. The breathing was still a little heavy, and Oswald’s eyes were closed in bliss. When they fluttered open, those blue eyes were looking down at Ed.

“Mm, good job Mr. Nygma.”

Ed beamed. “Really?”

Oswald sat up and started to pull off the condom. “Yeah. I mean, you could’ve used a _little_ more teeth, but you were exceptionally talented for a beginner.”

The praise made Ed’s heart skip a beat. He was talented, he did a good job, and he promised to be even better next time. _Next time_.

Even though cleaning up was quick for him and Oswald, it felt much longer, and Ed almost fell asleep when his head hit the pillow. The same pillow Oswald had clutched so tightly.

Ed laid on his back and looked over at Oswald. The other man already had his eyes closed, and his breath was shallow. He appeared exactly the same as any other night.

Half of Ed wanted to reach out and cuddle the sleeping bird like he’d done with Kristen, but he quickly remembered this wasn’t the same. He wasn’t in a relationship with Penguin, at least not of that nature.

Ed yawned. He could live with that. Romance was much too complicated anyway. Still, he hesitated before turning his back to Oswald, and then burying his nose in the pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed has to confront himself with what happened last night, there's a nice dinner, oh...and murder.
> 
> Warning: The last chapter may have been sexy, but this one is bloody.

The first thing Ed saw when he woke up was his bedside table, more specifically the small box of condoms he’d left there. He closed his eyes again. Maybe it was a kind of hallucination, but when he opened his eyes it was still there. That was proof, everything was real.

He and Oswald had sex. Ed covered his face with the sheets, hiding in his own private space to keep from screaming out loud. It was exciting and scary and a lot of feelings all at once that needed to be straightened out. Speaking of straight, based on last night, he clearly  **wasn’t** ...maybe.

Last night he’d been interested in the whole thing, but that could’ve just been because he was swept up in the moment. Oswald being so encouraging, learning about something so foreign to him, the emotions were running pretty high. Besides, he was only 70% sure giving someone a blowjob  **wasn’t** heterosexual so there was still a 30% chance it was a one time fluke.

_ Next time. _ The phrase popped back into his head as if to contradict him by reminding him how excited he’d been for a repeat session. Oh right...but that was also at an emotional time. He had a clear head to think about it now.

Did he  **really** enjoy it as much as sex with Kristen? …...No. So...still straight.  _ Oswald said it was okay to like both. _ That was also true, preferring Kristen did not negate his feelings for Oswald.

_ Feelings for Oswald _ . Wrong phrasing. He wanted to impress his teacher, that was more like it. It was still a professional standing between them, and besides, Ed had heard that blowjobs didn’t even really count as having sex. So there, two answers in one, he was straight and in a professional partnership. Although, his source for that information had come out as bisexual later that year…

Ed poked his head out of the covers. He sat up and saw Oswald standing by the coffee machine. “Uh, question?”

He waited for Oswald to look at him before asking. “Do blowjobs count as having sex? And if so, does that make me a bisexual?”

Oswald stared at him for several seconds. “Um...first of all, good morning. Second, it’s called oral  **sex** for a reason, and third...that’s kind of something you figure out for yourself.”

“Oh.” Ed looked at the floor.

“But if you want my opin-”

“I do!” He popped his head up.

Oswald clicked his tongue. “Alright. You’re not straight. My years of experience taught me that heterosexual men do not suck dick.”

“What if it’s a heat of the moment thing?”

“Mr. Nygma…” Oswald pursed his lips, “if there’s  **any** moment where a man is getting hot and bothered about another man…”

“Ohhh…” Ed slowly nodded, “not straight, right? No, not straight. Got it, got it, cool. Cool. So...bi then? Bi, bisexual, I’m bisexual?”

Oswald shrugged. “Or pan, or any of the countless other labels. But again, that's more personal.”

Ed nodded quickly and then stared at the floor again, folding his hands in his lap. After what felt like an eternity later, he saw a hand wave in front of his face. He jerked his head up to look at Oswald, who sighed.

“Oh good, you’re not broken.” Oswald stood straight. “Right, you’re not broken? I get it’s probably a lot to take in, but… Hey, hey!”

There were snaps that caught Ed’s attention. “Huh? Y-Yeah, yeah I’m fine. I mean, I’m kind of in the middle of having a major revelation after years of what I’m discovering was dismissal and denial, including this morning, but I’m fine.”

A few seconds of silence passed and Oswald cleared his throat. “D-Do you want a coffee or water or-”

Ed waved a hand. “No, no. J-Just give me a minute.”

“Of course, take your time. I guess I thought you figured this out last night, but…but sure, yeah, no pressure.” Oswald rocked back and forth. “I uh...I was thinking omelettes for breakfast. I...I can’t  **make** omelettes, but I was thinking…”

Ed looked up at him, and Oswald nodded. “A minute, yep, got it.”

* * *

It was a messy crime scene today so Ed had his work cut out for him, and by the end of it he just wanted to crawl in bed.  _ With Oswald _ .

He didn’t have any thoughts to spare during the day, but now that he was driving home he couldn’t stop thinking about what would be waiting for him. By getting more comfortable and accepting of his own sexuality he was also getting more and more curious about what he could do with it. Which is why he was going to ask Oswald what all was in that mysterious black bag when he got home. But first, he had to pick up dinner.

It wasn’t often that Ed ordered sushi to-go, but he felt he deserved it after today. Not to mention he knew Oswald had a fondness for it.

When he came in this time, Oswald was leaning on the windowsill, and he shushed Ed as the door slid closed.

“Sh...there’s a bird making a nest in the sign.” He whispered and then turned his attention back to the window.

Ed gently set the food on the counter and went to stand behind Oswald. “Where?”

“Right there. Oh wait,” he leaned back trying to see from Ed’s point of view, “no right  **there** .”

Oswald was pointing up, but Ed was only looking at the bird below him, the one leaning against his chest. He really hoped his heartbeat wouldn’t be felt.

Then Oswald moved away, turning to him. “That little guy has been trying so hard all day. He’s been one busy bee.”

“The  _ bird _ is a busy  _ bee _ ?” Ed smiled and tilted his head.

“Well, well look who’s the expert on birds and bees now. I thought that was my job.” Oswald winked, which made Ed blush. “So, what do we have here?”

Ed remembered the food in his hand. “Oh! This is for-”

“Sushi! Did you get-”

“Crunchy rolls and salmon nigiri? Yes I did.”

Oswald beamed up at him. “Aw, my favorites.”

“I know.” Ed tried to shrug it off.

Then Oswald’s smile turned a bit more mischievous. “Wow, you give a guy one blowjob and suddenly he’s spoiling you with sushi. I wonder what else I could get.”

Ed chuckled nervously. “Oh no, that’s not… You can just ask if you want something.”

Oswald fluttered his lashes. “Then can I ask that we open a white wine?”

* * *

Ed watched as Oswald popped the last bit of sushi in his mouth, as he closed his eyes and savored the taste. When he swallowed, Ed’s eyes followed down his throat to the neckline of his shirt. He might’ve kept staring if Oswald hadn’t scoffed.

“I must admit I’m surprised by your restraint.”

“What restraint?” The restraint to not climb over the table and try to taste the leftover wasabi on Oswald’s tongue?

Oswald pointed with his chopsticks. “You haven’t made a single joke or shared any facts about penguins or fish.”

“Oh! I didn’t even think about it. Although if you wanted to hear one I’ve got plenty.” Without waiting for an answer Ed spewed the first thing to come to mind. “Fun fact, to keep blood warm, penguins can control the blood flow to their extremities.”

“Hm, I don’t think that’s true.” Oswald leaned forward.

Ed tapped the table. “But it is!”

“Well...I know  _ I _ can’t control my extremities.” Oswald glanced up as his fingers brushed the top of Ed’s hand, swirling around.

They travelled up to Ed’s wrist and his mouth went dry. He looked at Oswald who raised a suggestive eyebrow.

Ed also couldn’t control his blood, which was now flowing to his groin. Especially as Oswald stood up and made his way across the table to sit on Ed’s lap, straddling him. Ed’s mouth opened in surprise, and Oswald took the opportunity to tug the bottom lip with his thumb.

Ed blurted out. “Kiss me?”

Oswald chuckled. “What do you think I came over here for?”

The first kiss was fairly gentle, the second was anything but. Ed suddenly found his tongue tangled up with Oswald’s, and then licking the inside of the other man’s mouth. Huh, there  **was** a hint of wasabi left.

After a short time, Oswald moved to nip and peck at Ed’s jaw. His breathing got heavier, and then Oswald continued up to suck on his earlobe. He finally groaned and buried his face in Oswald’s neck.

He slowly started biting the delicate flesh, prompting a few moans from Oswald. Then he’d go over the spots with his tongue before kissing another section. His attention drifted back to Oswald’s shirt and he started mouthing at whatever skin was exposed.

He was rewarded with a rather loud whine, but it got even better when he felt Oswald grind down on him.

Penguin wasn’t kidding when he said he couldn’t control his extremities because when he pressed into Ed it was pretty obvious he was getting hard. And so was Ed.

Oswald pulled back to look at Ed, and his pupils were slightly dilated. Ed glanced down at Oswald’s lips, hungry for more.

Before they could continue though, the closet door flung open and their prisoner came bursting out. There was a split-second where all three of them shared a look, and then the next split-second was full of action.

The man sprinted for the door, but just as quick, Oswald slid off of Ed’s lap and grabbed their empty wine bottle. There wasn’t much of a chase before Oswald smashed the glass over the man’s head, knocking him to the floor. Then Oswald went to stand over him.

“We were having a  **moment** !” The Penguin delivered a swift kick as he shouted. He then threw a look over his shoulder. “I’m sorry, but I think we need to take care of this.”

Ed had been staring dumbfounded the whole time, and now he almost swooned out of his chair. Kissing Oswald and now killing with him...how did Ed get so lucky in a matter of minutes?

Ed quickly got up to grab the chair and tarp out of the closet when he noticed the rope he used to tie the man was lying on the ground. He must’ve wriggled out somehow, or found some way to untie himself. Ed couldn’t believe he’d made such a mistake.

A grunt from the kitchen snaps him back to his current job. As he set everything up he glanced over to see how Oswald was faring. Perfectly fine it seemed.

Oswald kept the man pinned to the floor with one heel digging into his chest, thankfully he was still dazed. Ed briefly wished he could switch places with the man so he could stare up while Oswald crushed him.

Oswald looked over his shoulder. "Are you ready to grab him yet? I think he's going to start struggling soon."

Ed hurried over to pick up the guy, and sure enough he was starting to fight back with a few swings. Ed pinned his arms behind his back and dragged him towards the chair. The man opened his mouth, but Ed covered it before he could scream.

He bit down hard and Ed had to let go. The guy shouted a few times for help, and then Oswald gagged him with a kitchen towel. Ed nodded his appreciation, hopefully none of his neighbors overheard, if they even cared.

Almost to the chair, Ed looked to Oswald who was standing behind him. “Do you think you could grab the rope from the closet? Then I can re-tie his hands and feet.”

“He slipped out?”

Ed felt ashamed admitting it. “Yeah, sorry, that was my mistake.”

He wasn’t expecting it, but then Oswald grabbed his hair and tipped his head back, hissing into his ear. “A mistake? Tsk, tsk I expected better from you Edward.”

“I-I promise I’ll fix it! I promise!” He probably wasn’t supposed to enjoy this part as much as he did, but it reminded him too much of last night.

Oswald gave him one more tug before walking away. “Good. Sit him down.”

Ed did what he was told and then held the man in place. He would never let Penguin down ever again.

When Oswald came back he had two pieces of rope and a pair of handcuffs. Fluffy black handcuffs.

Ed raised an eyebrow, and Oswald shrugged. “What? The rest of the rope was frayed beyond use, but I figured we could make do.”

Tossing the rope on the ground, Oswald set to cuffing the man’s hands behind the chair while Ed tied his legs. When done, they both stood back.

Ed wasn’t sure what to do next. “So...chef’s knife?”

“Hm…” Oswald glanced over, “I think we can be a little more creative.”

Then he plucked one of their chopsticks off the table. Ed tilted his head. “I could understand a pencil, but that’s not even sharp.”

“Exactly.” Oswald said before driving the wooden stick through the man’s left leg. “That’s what makes it hurt more.”

Ed’s jaw fell open while the man was kicking against the rope. “Ohhh…I see.”

Oswald held one out to Ed. “He’s got two legs.”

Ed tentatively took the utensil. He looked down at the leg, this would take a lot of force. He raised it high and brought it down, but stopped right before he hit.

The poor guy wasn’t quite aware of that and he started screaming and squirming...which only made Ed laugh. The laughter got louder as he realized Oswald joined in.

“Oh the look on his face!” Oswald put a hand on Ed’s shoulder. “Very good, a fake-out is a  **classic** torture move.”

“Thanks, I uh, I think you mentioned that one time.”

“Ah, perceptive.” Then Oswald took a step back, gesturing for him to continue.

This time Ed did plunge the stick right through the man’s other leg, getting a genuine reaction this time. Then his curiosity made him pull it out just a little to see a bit of blood soaking into the cheap wood. As he was inspecting it, Oswald offered another chopstick.

“We’ve got two more, where should they go?”

Ed looked at the victim like an artist with a paintbrush. “He’s got two arms.”

“True, but I was eyeing another spot.”

Ed glanced up and down until he thought about what Oswald said. He quickly turned his head to see the smile on Oswald’s face.  _ Eyeing _ . It was a pun! Oswald was using wordplay! It wasn’t a riddle, but Ed felt the joke was made just for his sake.

His heart soared as he knelt to get a better look at the victim. “What a wonderful  _ eye _ -dea.”

The constantly shifting pupil made it much more difficult for Ed to get lined up, but the sheer terror expressed in those eyes was delightful. Instead of pulling back to jab it in, Ed went slowly, feeling the pulpy resistance until the chopstick finally punctured the eyeball.

Naturally the man was screaming against the gag, but to no avail. Ed proudly looked to Oswald. His mentor’s face was scrunched up in disgust, but Oswald started chuckling before Ed could feel bad.

“Interesting technique.” Oswald leaned in to watch the stick move as the man tried looking around. “Gross, but interesting.”

Oswald stood straight, and chuckled again. “Ew, if you listen close it’s still making a squishy sound.”

Ed did listen and there was a small sound anytime the eye moved. Then he listened to Oswald’s next instruction.

“Now take it out.”

It was a startling request and Ed looked for confirmation, but Oswald was just staring at the victim’s pained face. Ed saw a hint of the fury he’d been so desperately missing, that beautiful cruelty. Even though Penguin’s tone had been cold, Ed felt himself getting warmer.

With a gleeful smile he turned back to the man, and abruptly yanked out his eyeball. A bit of blood came from the wound and landed on Ed’s hand.

A giggle escaped as he inspected the tiny veins still attached to the eye. “Imagine if we wrapped it in seaweed, then it’d really look like sushi!”

This time he looked at Oswald, but he didn’t find the approval he expected. Instead it was a touch of disquiet, but it quickly disappeared with a scoff.

“Alright, enough playing around. Go get the big knife.” Oswald sat at the kitchen table. “I have much more for you to do.”

Ed leapt to his feet in excitement. Finally! He had Oswald involved again and he wasn’t going to disappoint.

The chopstick dropped, and the eye on the end hit the floor with a slight splat. Ed hastily grabbed the knife from the kitchen and raced back to Oswald’s side.

“So now what?” He was practically bouncing.

Oswald pursed his lips. “You know where the achilles tendon is, right?”

“I’ve done extensive research in anatomy and biology, I sure hope I’d know.” Ed checked his tone. “I mean...yes.”

“Good. Cut both of them.”

Even with one eye, the man looked between them terrified. He strained against the handcuffs and tried kicking when Ed untied one foot, but that quickly ended when the back of his ankle was sliced open.

Ed cut a few more times to expose the once springy band of tissue, getting cries and screams each time. He repeated it on the other side so that both ankles were leaking blood.

Following each of Oswald's instructions and suggestions, Ed carved up the rest of the poor goon. An ear fell onto the tarp, the arms pinned behind his back were covered in red lines, dripping past the handcuffs down to his nailless fingers. The fight had long gone out of him and his head hung low, groaning through the gag.

Ed stepped back to look at his work: blood, gashes, and the two wooden sticks still in each leg. He waited for Oswald to say more, but the gangster remained quiet for a moment.

Then he held up the last chopstick. “Since you’re the expert, would I have a better chance of hitting his brain if I went through the ear or the nose? Maybe the eye again?”

“Well, these aren’t as sturdy as a metal rod, but the Egyptians went through the nose. Although we’ve already created a nice hole in the eye socket so that’d be my suggestion.”

Oswald nodded. “Hm, and if this fails I’ll just have you slit his throat. Or perhaps I’ll have you slit his throat either way, I haven’t decided. Lift his head please.”

Ed did as he was asked. Oswald looked into the one good eye, and then turned his attention to the oozing hole on the other side. “I just want you to know that you’ve been a marvelous subject, truly one of the best...and I thank you for your sacrifice.”

Ed couldn’t understand why this cretin deserved any praise, sarcastic or not, when he did nothing but sit and scream while Ed did all the work.

Oswald gave the man a pat on a bruised shoulder and then rammed the chopstick through the empty eye socket. He jiggled the stick around for good measure, and then signaled for Ed to let go. The head dropped to the man’s chest.

There was a bit of blood on Oswald’s hand that Ed would’ve loved to hold, and match it to his own stained hand. He wanted to caress and gently kiss the fingers that held the murder weapon. But he knew he couldn’t be gentle right now, he was far too excited.

He killed someone! It was intentional, bloody, and most of all educational! Oswald had guided him through the whole thing, and even though he didn’t deliver the last blow, the man was as good as dead anyway. He was buzzing with adrenaline.

Which is probably why, when Oswald turned to him, he grabbed the killer’s face and kissed him. It was hard and messy and completely took Oswald by surprise, but they both came away breathless. Ed immediately let go when he realized what he’d done.

Oswald however, only chuckled. “Well, I’m glad to see someone had fun.”

“Didn’t you?” Ed pouted, he appreciated Oswald being involved, but he also wanted it to be an enjoyable process for both of them.

Oswald pursed his lips and looked at the body; then he did crack a smile. “Come to think of it, I guess I did. It’s not often I get to kill just for the sake of it,” he patted Ed’s arm, “and I got to order someone around, that’s two of my favorite things.”

Ed gave him a salute. “Always happy to do my part Mr. Penguin.”

Oswald scoffed. “Speaking of parts, here comes the worst one. Come on, let’s roll him up.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed's got some kinks to work out. (aka porn)

The tarp did its job of keeping the floor clean as well as wrapping up the body, which Ed decided to leave in the bathtub to be taken care of tomorrow. Any personal items were removed and put in separate bags.

Ed tossed the man’s ring in one when he heard Oswald sigh.

“It’s a shame, I had big plans for these.” He was holding the handcuffs.

At the sight and the thought, Ed blushed. “Y-Y-You did?”

“Mmhm...want to know what they were?” He met Ed's eyes and got an eager nod. "Well...  _ eventually _ , I was hoping I could put these on and get you to fuck me."

Ed was dumbstruck for the second time that night. His brain had to process the sentence one word at a time, and it still left him reeling. He just about had it, when Oswald sighed again.

“But, evidence must be destroyed-”

“W-W-W-” Ed had to remember words, “W-Wait, wait...do we have to?”

Oswald furrowed his brow. “Yes, it’s evidence. Remember your ex’s glasses? Everything’s got to be destroyed, that was lesson number one.”

Ed knew it was fruitless arguing against Penguin on crime related matters, but he couldn’t get the image out of his head. Oswald...in handcuffs...that they murdered someone in  _ together _ . Forget all the other implications, the history was worth keeping the bloody memento.

“W-Well...no one would know. Ms. Kringle’s glasses were unique and immediately linked me to her...unfortunate death. But, but these…” he gestured to the cuffs, “no one would know, I mean you can hardly see the blood.”

“Not seeing it doesn’t mean it’s not there, you work in forensics.”

“Yes, but...but…”

Oswald leaned forward. “Okay, okay now here’s the real question,” he dangled the cuffs, “ _ why _ do you want to keep them? Huh, why not buy new ones?”

“B-Because…” Ed had no good answer, “because I don’t want to spend any more money when those work perfectly fine.”

Oswald didn’t buy it. “Hmph, well I hate to say it doesn’t matter. These are going out tomorrow with everything else.”

He started to put them in the bag and it felt like Ed’s heart was going with it. Which might’ve explained his next desperate act to reach across the table and blurt out.

“Then why don’t we do it tonight? W-What you said.”

This time it was Oswald who got caught in the headlights. While he was in shock, Ed kept talking. “I mean...isn’t that what you already had planned?”

Oswald blinked and then started scoffing, trying to talk. “N-N-No. Not...not exactly anyway.”

“So then why not?”

“Well...it’s not really for beginners.”

Ed felt like he was gaining some traction so he sped through his next point. “I’m a fast learner.”

After a beat, Oswald’s expression finally changed to something more flirtatious and he held up the cuffs again. “You really want these huh?”

It seemed like a trap, but Ed was willing to take the risk as he nodded. Oswald leaned back in his chair and crossed one leg over the other. “Hm...I suppose I  _ could _ let you fuck me. But...I need to know how  **badly** you want to. How badly you want me to use these.”

The handcuffs jingled together, and sometimes the light would catch on the still bloody fur for an extra shine. It wasn’t just a want, it was a need for Ed as he felt his own blood pumping. As his eyes followed them, Oswald spoke again.

“Mm...how to tell, how to tell...I know, I think you should beg.” His smile was devious.

Ed hesitated for a second, but only because he thought the challenge was too simple. “Please? Please Oswald? I want you to teach me.”

Oswald’s laughter was biting. “Geez, for that pathetic attempt I might throw these out right now.”

“Wait, no! I-I begged.”

“You call that begging?” Oswald shot him a look. “You weren’t even on your knees.”

Oh. This was going to be a little harder after all. Ed glanced between Oswald and the floor before finally slipping out of his chair and kneeling in front of Oswald’s.

“P-Please? I...please I really want this.” He even clasped his hands together.

“Want what?” A shiver went down Ed’s spine at each pointed word.

His voice was the opposite, coming out a little shaky. “I...I want you to wear the handcuffs and...and…” he swallowed hard, “and teach me how...t-to fuck you. Please?”

Ed never swore, and saying something so crude out loud made his cheeks flush. Oswald however, didn’t lose his serious expression. He uncrossed his legs, but as he did, he put one foot on Ed’s chest and forced him to the ground.

Luckily, Ed fell on his elbows, and when he looked up Oswald was standing over him. He was reminded of his earlier wish, seeing as it basically came true. Except Penguin wasn’t going to murder him...maybe.

Penguin sneered down on him. “I don’t think that was genuine enough. Make me  _ believe _ you want it. Because you do, don’t you Eddie? You want me chained up to your bed while I instruct you how to please me?”

The nickname, the language, and the way the humiliating burn from his cheeks spread over his body actually made Ed whimper. Under that fierce gaze, the words came tumbling out of his mouth.

“Y-Yes! Yes I want that, please! Please let me do that to you,  **for** you. We killed someone in those cuffs and there’s nothing I want more than see you in them. Please, please, please let me do this!”

Finally he got a hint of a smile, and then Oswald pursed his lips. “Hm...I guess I could allow it. On one condition…”  _ Anything. _ “...you better do everything I say, exactly how I say it. You did a pretty good job of that with our dinner guest, but I need to know that you’re prepared to take orders.”

Orders? Specific instructions? That’s when Ed does his best work. His lips trembled when he said ‘yes’.

Oswald crossed his arms. “Alright. First things first, you need to wash your hands again, there’s still blood under your nails.”

Sure enough there were a few flakes of red, but Ed already knew that. He’d planned to keep them there until at least the morning, but opening his mouth to protest got him a stern look. So instead of saying ‘no’, he said ‘yes’ again, softly.

He continued to stare up at Penguin, shadowed by the smaller man, until he heard a rather loud ‘ahem’. Taking the cue, he scrambled up and scurried to his bathroom.

Shutting the door behind him, he sighed. His heart was racing, and he couldn’t believe what happened; what was going to happen. He turned on the sink and scrubbed until there was no trace of his earlier deeds.

It was a sad sight to see going down the drain, but he already disappointed Oswald by letting their prisoner escape; he wasn’t going to make any more mistakes. No, he was going to listen to every word to avoid any further discipline.

Although, if the discipline was going to be like this... He shook his hands in the sink and went for the towel.  _ Would it be that bad _ ...?

Ed almost jumped when he saw his alter ego in the mirror. Why was he back, he shouldn’t be back. Dark Ed looked the same as always, but in addition to his black clothes he also had the black handcuffs on. He smiled slyly and pulled the chain taunt.

In a blink he was gone, and Ed questioned if he was ever really there at all. He looked behind him just to make sure, and that’s when he heard Oswald on the other side.

“Oh, and to save time you can just get undressed in there. It’ll be like a nice reveal.”

Ed wasn’t entirely sure if opening the door would be a nice surprise for him or for Oswald. He tried not to imagine what was waiting on the other side as he removed all of his clothes, except for the boxer briefs. It wasn’t clear  **how** undressed he should be, but he also couldn’t bring himself to come out naked.

When he opened the door he saw Oswald standing by the edge of the bed also stripped down to his underwear with his hands on the waistband. He noticed Ed and stopped, holding up his hands with a smile.

“Almost forgot, you were going to do it this time.” Then he sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the handcuffs. “So, think you’re ready?”

Ed didn’t exactly know what to be ready  **for** , but he nodded anyway.

“Then why don’t you come over here, handsome?”

Ed tried to saunter over to the bed, hoping he had any ounce of sex appeal. “You know, I-”

When he got close enough, Oswald roughly grabbed his arm as he pulled Ed down to eye level. “Excuse me? I don’t recall saying you could talk.”

For a moment Ed opened his mouth, but he quickly shut it. Oswald’s fingernails dug in a little more.

“That’s better. You shall not speak without permission, understood?” Then the grip softened, as did the tone. “Or if there’s anything you don’t like, then please say something, remember it’s all just fun.”

Ed kind of liked the fear, but the reassurance felt much better. He couldn’t enjoy it too long because Penguin’s hard demeanor was back.

“Alright then Mr. Nygma, step one,” he held the cuffs on one finger, “getting into position.”

Oswald layed down with his hands resting by the metal bed frame. Ed crawled onto the bed, but before he did anything he glanced at Oswald again for confirmation. Then he delicately cuffed one bony wrist before looping the second cuff around the frame to lock in the other.

His fingertips brushed the fur, some of it stuck together from the drying blood, and it was like a shock went through him. He looked down at Oswald who still had a teasing smile.  _ It’d be so easy… _

Ed thought about all the ways he could wipe that smirk away. The chef’s knife wasn’t too far away. He could cut open his idol and catalogue everything inside. Or he could just leave the pretty bird chained up.  _ Helpless… _ Maybe he should’ve tried that with Kristen, if she’d stayed around to listen…

Ed himself wasn’t listening because when he heard Oswald’s sharp tone it was clear the man had been trying to get his attention.

“Ed!”

“Huh?”

“I told you to get the lube.”

His mind was still stuck on his ex. “Do we need it? When Kristen and I-”

“Well, Kristen and  **_I_ ** are built a little differently, Mr. ‘I’ve studied anatomy and biology’.” Oswald said sarcastically. “Also, what did I say about talking?”

Ed started to answer when another harsh look told him it was a rhetoric question. Without further hesitation, he grabbed the purple bottle and got back in position. He started to open it when Oswald shook his head.

“In a minute, but now...I want you to kiss me.”

Finally, something Ed already knew. He bent down and placed a kiss on Oswald’s lips. Oswald smiled, but it wasn’t very wide. “Um, maybe a little longer this time?”

Alright, Ed went in again, moving his mouth around Oswald’s for a while before coming back up. Oswald partially lifted his head to try to follow him, and then sighed. “How about this, I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough?”

That last bit almost sounded like a challenge, so Ed put a little more gusto into his kiss. He kept his lips pressed to Oswald’s, and would adjust with him to make sure they stayed together. When tongues got involved, Ed tried to get deep into Oswald’s mouth as if to anchor himself there.

Oswald hummed against his lips and then pulled back, out of breath. He only looked at Ed a moment before kissing him again. It was a little surprising, but Ed immediately fell in line. He remembered their earlier session and started moving to Oswald’s jaw, trailing further to his neck.

Now there was no shirt in the way, but Ed still didn’t dare to go beyond the collarbone. Until he heard Oswald whisper into his hair, planting a few kisses.

“Go ahead, kiss me anywhere.” When Ed looked up, Oswald smiled suggestively. “Oh, and you have permission to touch me as well. God knows I wish I could touch you.”

For a little bit of emphasis, he teased Ed’s calf with his foot. Ed swallowed and ardently resumed his task, sucking at the clavicle again. He bit down too hard and fear started to build when Oswald yelped...but he wasn’t instructed to stop.

It was a bit of an adrenaline rush to get away with it, and that’s when Ed finally felt confident enough to fulfill the second part of Oswald’s request. He let one hand trail down Oswald’s side, sometimes squeezing or scratching, until he reached the hip.

His mouth followed, but travelling down the middle of the chest. As his lips went lower, his other hand snaked upwards. His fingers ghosting along the inside of Oswald’s arm until he reached the wrist.

He could feel the muscles of the wrist flexing, and was reminded of their victim’s ankles, with the tendons hanging loose. With great care, he purposefully massaged Oswald’s delicate flesh, sometimes applying pressure to tease his fingers under the cuffs.

Meanwhile Oswald squirmed beneath him, moaning and jerking his hips, occasionally creating friction. He really regretted keeping his underwear on because it suddenly felt much too tight. The display and the taste of Oswald’s skin made Ed wish he could touch himself, but he was sure that would be against the rules. 

He licked a long strip up the middle of Oswald’s chest, back up to the hollow of his neck. That’s when he felt the muscles of Oswald’s neck moving as he spoke.

“Okay, okay tha-that’s enough.” Oswald opened his eyes as Ed raised his head. “You are...showing improvement.”

Ed smiled, it felt like getting an A+. Oswald ran his tongue over his lips and then pursed them.

“And you know, I was thinking, if you continue to do such a good job…” he rattled the chain, “maybe I’ll let you keep these.”

Ed’s smile dropped, but only in awe. He could do a good job, no he  **would** do a good job.

Oswald smirked at his reaction. “I said  _ maybe _ . Right now I need you to focus on getting these off of me.”

He wiggled his hips, and Ed looked down to his underwear. There was a bulge in them as well as a wet spot that matched Ed’s own pair. Ed brought his other hand down to Oswald’s hip and got his fingers under the elastic.

He pulled down to free Oswald’s hardened cock, and it was just as surprising as last night. Ed aimlessly threw the underwear on the floor because he was too busy looking at the glistening tip in front of him. He didn’t recall it being that thick last night.

The clicking of Oswald’s tongue got his attention. “And you.”

Ed blushed. He may have had his dick sucked, but he still felt weird showing it. Still, he promised to follow directions so he pulled off his boxer briefs and dropped them off the bed.

He caught Oswald staring, and his embarrassment doubled. It tripled when Oswald sighed and shook his head, probably disappointed by Ed’s mediocrity.

However, his words proved the opposite. “Damn, I forgot how long you were. Ugh, it is so unfair that we have to go slow. Alright, lube. On your fingers.”

Ed was blushing even more, but for an entirely new reason. He proudly followed the instructions and coated his right hand. He hadn’t touched any of the stuff last night, but it really was slick. He almost started giggling, but he kept his maturity in check.

He looked to Oswald, ready to learn, and that’s when Oswald spread his legs. Ed could feel himself freezing up, he was going to do this, he could do this, no pressure.

“Hey.” Oswald’s voice was soft. “Are you-”

Before he could finish, Ed gave an enthusiastic thumbs up...forgetting which hand had lube on it so now everything was slippery.

Understandably, Oswald laughed at him. “Okay, okay, um...so first finger, slide it in slow.”

Ed hesitated again, but slowly started to push into the dark pink hole presented to him. He couldn’t tell if it was a turn-on or turn-off that his mind went back to their victim’s eyeball as his finger encountered resistance. He did enjoy Oswald’s groan though.

Oswald’s voice was surprisingly calm for the situation. “Now two and then three.”

Ed went equally slow with the next two, but things were sped up when Oswald wiggled his hips again, pushing each digit deeper.

“Ah, ah...okay, y-you can start moving them-”

Ed’s first move was to tilt his fingers down, which immediately stopped when Oswald gasped loudly. “Oh! Oh, d-don’t...don’t uh… B-Be gentle, small movements.”

Hopefully this mistake wouldn’t hurt his overall performance. Ed went much slower as he resumed stretching Oswald on his fingers. It was such an odd feeling, and something Ed never thought he’d do. Although he couldn’t deny enjoying it, especially seeing the effect it had on Oswald: mewling, moaning, and writhing against the restraints.

When Oswald stopped him this time it was to grab the lube again. He sometimes had to take breaths between his words. “It might seem like a lot, but you’re going to put a generous amount on your cock, okay? It’s important, very important.”

Very important, roger that; so Ed did as he was instructed. It felt almost as good as when Oswald was feeling him up yesterday. Once he thought he had enough, he looked up again.

“Mm...might’ve missed a spot.” Oswald winked. “You should give it a few more strokes for good measure.”

There were some butterflies in Ed’s stomach, he didn’t expect Oswald to be watching him  _ that _ closely. His self-esteem made him hesitate, but as he thought about it, he found it a little flattering. So he gave a few good pumps, teasing himself for Oswald’s sake; and a bit for his own.

Oswald leaned forward, but got caught at the handcuffs as if he forgot they were there. He blinked, maybe flustered, but then eased back. “O-Okay, okay that looks...that should be fine. W-What I need you to do now is...just get on with it.”

The hint of desperation shot through Ed’s heart, and then to his cock as he started pushing in. At the beginning he was worried it wouldn’t fit, but the fingering and lubricant made it easy for Ed to slide inside.

He went slow, watching as he sunk all the way into the tight entrance. He eased himself out to the tip before pushing back in, there was an obscene sound as his slick shaft became buried again. The heat was something else he didn’t expect, but it felt so good that Ed actually groaned.

“Y-You’re so hot.” Figuratively and literally.

“Just shut up and fuck me!” Oswald’s head was tipped back and his breathing was heavy, but then he looked up at Ed. “S-Sorry, I-I mean...little faster.”

Ed didn’t know what came over him, but he bent over to give Oswald a sloppy kiss. “Don’t apologize, I like your yelling.”

Oswald’s eyes lit up, but then they were overcome with something darker as he surged up to kiss Ed again. He bit Ed’s bottom lip and then his head fell back on the pillow.

Then Oswald raised his voice to hit each word, “Shut...up...and... **fuck** me!”

No longer a request but a demand, Ed obeyed and picked up the pace. Ah yes, this was much better.

Then it would somehow get even better everytime Oswald commanded him to go ‘faster’ or ‘harder’. Ed would’ve thought the brutal thrusting would hurt, but Oswald’s face showed nothing but pleasure.

“Yes, yes! R-Right-” he’d gotten his good leg hooked on Ed’s waist, “there, yes right there!”

Hitting the right spot meant that Oswald would shift on the bed, and that meant the handcuffs would rattle against the metal frame.

Oswald did it again. “God fucking dammit! You feel amazing, don’t stop.”

Ed didn’t mean to pay so much attention to the restraints, but everytime Oswald thrashed against them he would be reminded of their victim’s struggle. The blood on his hands, on Oswald’s, and on the cuffs themselves. The thought drove him almost as wild as the feeling of Oswald’s muscles clenching around his cock.  _ Almost. _

Whatever did it, the sound, the image, the sensation, Ed came hard; continuing to pound into Oswald until he was spent.

He slipped out, panting. However, when he leaned over to kiss Oswald again, he could feel something hard against his stomach. He pulled away and glanced down.

Oh no, Oswald didn’t come. This wasn’t a good job, this was a bad job. Ed had failed his lesson.

But darn it, he  **really** wanted those handcuffs.

Going back to what he knew, he pushed himself down the bed and took the still hard cock in his mouth. Oswald never said he couldn’t use more than one tactic.

It was different without the condom, for one, he could feel more of the smaller veins as he circled his tongue around the shaft. Secondly, the taste really changed the experience for him. He had nothing to compare the salty-sweet taste of pre-come too, but he didn’t hate it, and it mixed with Ed’s saliva for a decent lubricant.

He licked and sucked as he went lower and lower. He remembered Oswald’s note on using teeth so he gently scraped his against the sensitive underside and was rewarded with a loud gasp from Oswald. Improvement.

Ed promised to right another wrong, and bobbed his head up and down, and up and down, until he finally felt Oswald’s tip at the back of his throat. He had his lips around the base, and even though it felt like he was choking just a little bit, he was filled with pride as well as cock.

He pulled off to take a quick breath before taking Oswald in again. Not as deep this time, but circling his tongue around the head and sucking hard until he felt Oswald tense up.

“Oh fuck I’m gonna come, fuck-fuck-fuck!”

Despite getting a warning, Ed didn’t let go...right away. The first load hit his throat and he tried to swallow it like Oswald had done, but instead he lifted his head, coughing and sputtering. The rest spilled onto his chin and neck.

He nervously glanced up to Oswald. He probably looked like a mess, glasses askew, and breathing heavily with come cooling on his lips.

Oswald’s wide eyes paired with a growl did nothing to calm Ed. “Get these off of me.”

Ed shamefully slinked to the top of the bed and unlocked the handcuffs. He got one wrist free before Oswald roughly grabbed him and pulled him into a kiss.

It was absolutely filthy, but Ed’s moment of disgust was overpowered by the exhilaration. Oswald’s tongue was all over his mouth, and when they broke apart there was a string of saliva and semen hanging between them.

Then Oswald took the other cuff off his wrist and used the bloody fluff to wipe Ed’s lips before shoving the chain between them. The metal dug into the corners of his mouth, but Ed whined more from pleasure than pain.

“I’d say you’ve earned those.” Oswald chuckled, low and rough. “I knew there was a bit of a kinky side to you."

Placing a quick peck on Ed’s red lips, Oswald got up and said he was going to grab them a towel. Ed held the handcuffs between his teeth until he got back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like three different things happen in this chapter, but the biggest section is spent on me attempting to write roleplay stuff so make of that what you will.

Getting some of the best sleep of his life, Ed was reluctant to get out of bed in the morning. Especially when he looked over his shoulder and saw Oswald on the other side, just a tuft of black hair sticking out of the quilt. Unfortunately, he had to wake up early to take care of their guest in the bathroom.

The body had been sitting in a special bath of chemicals overnight so it had started to decompose. With gloves, a  _ handy _ tip for all murderers, Ed started breaking down the body, sometimes just pulling out bones from the half-dissolved flesh. Hm...maybe he should make ribs for dinner.

As quietly as he could, Ed took the body and the evidence out of the apartment. Oswald had told him some good spots in the city to dispose of a body, so he didn’t have to go all the way out to the woods. Another important lesson was to scatter the pieces throughout.

He snuck back in, and carefully slid the door behind him. Oswald flopped around, getting himself tangled in the covers, but he didn’t wake up. Ed tip-toed to the edge of the bed to watch him sleep for a moment.

He wouldn’t lie, he did this frequently, but what else was he supposed to look at in the morning? Besides, there was no better view than Oswald sleeping. His hair looked like a literal bird’s nest, he was always either curled into a tight ball or starfished across the whole bed, and above all...he looked innocent. He looked more like a teddy bear than a penguin, and every time Ed saw him like this, he wanted to scoop Oswald up and hold him.

No furrowed brows, no clenched jaws or eyerolls. This wasn’t the sadistic mobster Ed admired, but he enjoyed seeing this side of Oswald too.

Oswald’s gentler moments shone through every now and then, and the longer they lived together the more Ed saw; and the more he wanted to see.  _ Split _ . Oswald might not be quite as divided as Ed, but there was a soft center beneath that hard exterior, like bone marrow.

Ed leaned in closer. He wouldn’t kiss him, but he did get close enough to feel Oswald’s breath. The longer he stared, the more he started to wonder why he didn’t kiss Oswald’s cheek or forehead. Surely after last night it wouldn’t be too egregious, a drop compared to an ocean.

_ Do it _ . He couldn’t. Oswald was so peaceful, he didn’t want to disturb him. He didn’t want to explain himself either. What if Oswald woke up? How would he react? What would Ed say?

He continued to inspect every detail from a minimal distance, the shape of Oswald’s lips, the tip of his nose, and his wide blue ey-

Ed received a swift punch to the face. He held his cheek as Oswald floundered on the bed.

“What the hell! Jesus fucking-” Oswald put a hand on his heart. “Oh my God, you scared the hell out of me.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“What were you even doing?”

“I-I’m so, so sorry. I was...uh...I was going to shower, but-”

Before Ed had to make something up, Oswald’s attention shifted. “W-Wait, the shower? But isn’t that man in there? Or...what’s left of him.”

“Um...nope.” Ed was so thankful for the subject change, and hopefully he could keep it changed. “I woke up early to take care of the body. Unless you wanted to help…?”

Oswald waved his hand and then lied back down. “No, no. I’ve been the disposal guy for too many years. I’ve earned the right to make somebody else do it.”

“Oh...” Then Ed put on a smile. “Well it’s a good thing I don’t mind doing it. It’s kind of interesting actually because there’s more than one way to break down…”

Ed stopped talking when he noticed Oswald closing his eyes. A second later they were open. “Hm? Um, please continue, I’m still listening.”

“Oh, it’s-it’s nothing. I should get cleaned up for work anyway.” Ed started heading for the bathroom.

“Wait!” Oswald looked over at Ed. “...Could you start the coffee maker before you get in?”

“Uh huh, of course.”

Ed turned on the machine and rushed through his shower, he didn’t realize how late he was running. Oswald was still in bed when he started collecting his stuff: bag, badge, car keys…

However, when he was going to grab his coat, Oswald poked his head up. “Are you leaving right now?”

“Uh…” Ed glanced between him and the door, “I was planning on it. Why?”

“Oh, I guess it’s nothing.” Oswald started laying his head down again.

“What? What is it?”

“It’s not important, you go ahead.”

Ed sighed. “Oswald, what is it?”

“Well...I  _ was _ going to ask if you could make me a cup of coffee, but really, don’t worry about it.”

“No, I uh, I can do that quick.” Ed checked his watch as he headed to the kitchen.

“Oh no, no no no. You don’t  **have** to…”

“It’s alright really.” Ed threw back a smile. “No one’s going to care if I’m late a few minutes.”

They barely care anyway. But Ed didn’t say anything as he walked back with the question mark mug.

Oswald was lounging against the bed frame. “Did you-”

“One cream, three sugars? Yes I did.”

“Aw, thank you, you’re a saint.” Oswald blew on it and took a sip.

Ed was overjoyed by Oswald’s pleased reaction. “You’re very welcome. See? All you have to do is ask, I’m happy to do anything.”

“ _ Anything _ ?” Oswald raised a suggestive eyebrow, and Ed tensed up. “You may be a saint this morning, but I can’t wait to see your sinner side tonight.”

Ed felt like he needed another shower. Oswald only laughed and took another sip. “Now go on, get to work.”

With a nod, Ed was almost out the door when he heard Oswald call out. “Oh, I just thought of something funny. You should try telling Jim to get handcuffs like ours, they’d be much softer than his.”

Ed started to leave when he turned around. “Wait what?”

“Hm?”

“What did you mean by that?”

“By what?”

“Y-You said…” he shook his head, he didn’t have time to waste on overthinking, “nevermind. I’ll be back at the usual time.”

* * *

Somehow going over corpses in the GCPD morgue wasn’t as fun as creating corpses with Oswald. Last night was incredible in more ways than one; it was a big step for Ed’s development as a lover  **_and_ ** a fighter. Except maybe fighter wasn’t really the best word because the victim was restricted to a chair the whole time. On that note, maybe lover wasn’t right either.

There wasn’t a good label for his relationship to Oswald. They were roommates, killers, and that’s as far as Ed got. Could he call Oswald his friend? They certainly did stuff that friends do: talking, doing mutual activities, and spending time together. Although, like their victims, Oswald couldn’t really leave so the genuity was questionable. Still...outside of being a mentor, Oswald must enjoy Ed’s company to some degree. Otherwise...otherwise they wouldn’t...well otherwise they wouldn’t be having sex.

Oswald wasn’t repulsed by him, that much Ed knew for certain. Anything beyond that could have reasonable doubt, but for what it’s worth, Ed liked to think they were friends. Good friends. Very good friends. Best- no. He didn’t want to get ahead of himself. He always built up grand fantasies, like living happily ever after with Ms. Kringle, but he couldn’t do that with Oswald. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, and shouldn’t.

His phone started ringing, and he lit up when he saw Oswald’s name. Of course, who else would it be?

“Oswald!” Oh wait, he was at work. “I uh...I mean, hello...friend? My good friend?”

Oswald sighed. “Yeah, hi.”

Eeee, Oswald confirmed they were good friends. “So um, what’s the emergency?”

“Oh, no emergency. I just wanted to bring something to your attention.”

That couldn’t be good. “Y-Yes?”

“Well, I was getting ready to take a bath...” don’t imagine it, don’t imagine it, don’t- “and then I saw a little bit of leftover flesh floating around.”

Ed’s mantra couldn’t keep _that_ image at bay. Except it wasn’t one piece of skin, it was Oswald bathed in blood and guts.  _ Together? _

“Uhhhh…” Ed tightly squeezed his eyes shut and opened them, “and?”

“And? And! Do you know what could’ve happened if this went unnoticed? You’re lucky I was here to fix it.” Oswald sighed. “Honestly Edward, you’re an excellent student, but some things-”

Oswald rambled on, but Ed didn’t hear anything after ‘excellent student’. That is until he heard the voice of Dr. Thompkins.

“Hey Ed. What are you up to?”

“Oh! Um…” he gestured aimlessly between himself, the cadaver, and his phone, “I’m uh…”

She looked at his phone. “Oh I’m sorry, are you…?”

Oswald talked over her. “You’re what? Wait, did I hear someone else? Is someone there? Are you talking to someone? Is it Jim? Hello? Ed?”

Ed had no idea what to do, but somehow he had to hang up on Oswald without raising suspicion. “Huh? Yeah, still here.”

“Good, now what’s-”

“Uh huh, no problem, I can move that appointment up.”

“Move what up?”

“Sure thing, thank you…” he glanced around and looked at Dr. Thompkins again, “n-nurse.”

“What the hell are you-”

Ed repeatedly smashed the ‘end call’ button before shoving the phone in his pocket. Then he looked up and smiled. “Sorry about that. Doctors and such, am I right?”

Now Ed wished he could smash the call button on this conversation. “Oh my goodness, Dr. Thompkins I didn’t mean it like…”

She raised her hand. “It’s perfectly fine, and please, just call me Lee. So um…”

Ed tensed up. “Before you say anything, I’d like to remind you that you said I could be here as long as I don’t mess with anything.”

Lee chuckled. “Yes Ed, I know. I’m not accusing you of anything, I’m just curious. When I hear noise from the  _ morgue _ I like to know what’s going on.”

“Oh...well it’s-it’s nothing too big. I was just examining the trauma to the back of the head. It’s so…”

“Tragic.”

“Fascinating.”

They looked at each other. Ed opened and closed his mouth a few times. “I uh, you know I-I should get back to work, and...and let you get back to yours.”

Lee smiled and stepped out of the doorway. “Of course.”

He was almost out when her voice made him turn around again. “How uh, how are holding up?”

Ah yes, Kristen’s  _ disappearance _ .

Ed sighed. “F-Fine. It gets a little better everyday.” Especially since he has Oswald now.

Lee nodded. “Yeah I can understand that. Well, if you ever want to talk, I’m here. Jim too. Maybe we could get together again, just hang out.”

_ Kill me. _ “Um, maybe. Although, I’m pretty busy these days.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Then she tapped her clipboard. “Well, back to the grind. I’ll see you around, Ed.”

“See you around Dr...Lee.” Ed scurried back to his room. He thought about calling Oswald back, but he decided to give him some time to cool off.

* * *

Hopefully Oswald wouldn’t still be upset when he got back. Ed hesitated before unlocking the door and poking his head in. The bathroom door was closed so he was safe for now. Still, he quietly closed the door and took off his coat. It was only after he kicked off his shoes that he heard Oswald’s voice, overly sweet.

“Mr. Nygma, right on time for your  _ appointment _ .”

Ed winced and then slowly turned around. “Look, I just had to make something up, I’m sorry I hung up on y-y-y-”

He froze when he saw what Oswald was wearing, or more what he  **wasn’t** . No shirt, no pants, just a buttoned-up lab coat as far as Ed could tell. He had Ed's vintage doctor’s bag in one hand and gestured to the bed with the other.

“Please, have a seat and we’ll get started.”

Without taking his eyes off Oswald, Ed stumbled to sit on the edge of the bed while Oswald moved to stand in front of him.

Ed watched him reach into the bag, and tried to take a peek. “O-Oswald...what um, what are-”

Suddenly, a glass thermometer was shoved in his mouth. Before he could really think about it, Oswald bit down on the other end and pulled it out. He made another obscene gesture with his tongue, and Ed couldn’t decide if he was turned on by the display, or appalled by the improper treatment of a medical device.

Then Oswald looked at the thermometer with fake surprise. “Oh my, you’re  _ much _ too hot! You better get out of those clothes and cool down.”

When Oswald started unbuttoning his shirt, Ed started protesting. “Impossible. You need to leave a glass thermometer in for at least 3 minutes to get a proper reading. If anything, it’d say I’m running cold.”

“Oh?” Oswald pushed the shirt down Ed’s arms and drew closer. “Then I’ll have to warm you up instead.”

Oswald sat on his lap and kissed him, trailing hands all over his exposed chest. Ed wanted to enjoy the moment, but something kept bugging him.

He pushed Oswald away. “W-Wait, wait, wait. That’s not how you warm someone up. You’d put their clothes back on, give them a heated blanket, and maybe those fuzzy socks. What kind of a doctor are you?”

Oswald blinked a few times and then smiled. “Well, you see, I’m not. I’m the super sexy nurse you called today.”

He moved in for another kiss, but Ed pressed a finger to his lips. “But nurses usually wear scrubs, doctors wear lab coats.”

“Uh...then I’m a super sexy doctor. Here to give you a  **very** thorough physical.” Oswald squeezed Ed’s thigh.

Ed glanced down. “But I already had my yearly physical.”

Oswald huffed and crossed his arms. “Look, if you’re not going to take this seriously…”

“What are you talking about?  _ I’m _ the only one taking this seriously. The medical field is not a joke. I don’t even know if you sanitized…” Seeing the frown he was getting, Ed shut up.

Oswald waited a beat. “You’re a nerd, okay? So I’m assuming you know what roleplay is.”

“Pft, of course. I was a dungeon master in college.”

Closing his eyes, Oswald took a breath through his nose. “Of course you were. Anyway, this is kind of like that. Except, unlike dungeons and dragons, this version will get you laid.”

At first Ed raised an eyebrow, but then gasped. “Ohh...oh! That’s why you’re not wearing clothes, this is a sex lesson isn’t it?”

Oswald stared blankly for a second, and then nodded. “Yeah, yeah it is. I got the idea after you said ‘nurse’ when you hung up, and I knew you had a bunch of medical stuff so it was a perfect plan. That is...until you opened your mouth.”

Ed proceeded to open and close his mouth a few times. “S-So does that mean...we’re not…”

“Well,” Oswald walked two fingers up Ed’s chest, “you’re lucky I’m...in a forgiving mood. So...I think we can continue as long as you be a good patient and listen to nurse Os-”

“I thought you were a doctor now.”

“Fine. If you listen to doctor Os-” Realizing the mistake as Ed started to laugh, Oswald pointed at him. “If you say one more goddamn word  **this** is not happening. Not tonight or tomorrow.”

Ed glanced to the side which made Oswald narrow his eyes. “A-Are you...do you  **really** need to think about it?”

“You don’t know how many jokes I have lined up though.” That answer wasn’t correct. “I mean, no. Please, carry on  _ doctor _ .”

“Thank you.” Oswald slid off his lap and stood up straight. “Now, in order to properly examine you Mr. Nygma I’m going to request you remove the rest of your clothes.”

Ed stood up too, he was awfully close to Oswald. “Of course, doctor.”

“Hm,” Oswald watched him undress, “you know, I wasn’t going to make you use the title, but I kind of like the sound of it. Although...” he put his hands on Ed’s shoulders, “I think I’d like it better if you were screaming it.”

With that, he roughly pushed Ed to a sitting position. Then he opened the bag. “So, let’s see what we can do about that.”

The first thing Oswald did was take out a pair of latex gloves. He made eye contact as he seductively slipped them on, giving each a good snap at the wrist. Ed jumped at each sound.

Then Oswald put a stethoscope around his neck, looking over Ed’s bare skin. “Alright, let’s have a listen shall we?”

Ed watched him and then raised an eyebrow. “That’d be pretty hard if you don’t have the earpieces in.”

Either Oswald didn’t hear or didn’t care, but then he placed the end piece on Ed’s forehead. “Just as I feared, nothing going on up here.”

Ed frowned and then Oswald booped his nose before moving to the hollow of Ed’s neck. The metal was cool as it travelled across Ed’s skin. He shivered as it went past his stomach, but that’s when Oswald stopped.

“Oh, silly me, that’s not where the heart is.” Oswald’s smile was flirty, but he did move to Ed’s chest.

Except it wasn’t exactly his heart Oswald was covering. Oswald placed the instrument on top of Ed’s nipple. If it felt cool before it was ice cold now, and Ed actually gasped in response to the touch.

That only seemed to encourage Oswald as the stethoscope started going in circular motion. The bottom of it was textured and the metal gently scraped the sensitive area. It was a unique kind of stimulation, but nonetheless it made Ed bite his lip to suppress any sound.

When Ed began squirming, Oswald didn’t stop, but he moved to the other side instead. Moving the stethoscope around and around until both nipples were equally hard. This time Ed couldn’t help it and let out a soft whimper.

That’s when Oswald smiled and pulled away. “Yep, everything sounds good.”

He took off the stethoscope and got the tube behind Ed’s neck to bring him into a kiss. Then Oswald tied it and pulled for some light strangulation. Ed squeaked and then Oswald slowly dragged the stethoscope away from Ed’s neck and tossed it to the side.

Next, he took a reflex hammer out. “Now, let’s see what that increased heart rate does to your reflexes.”

Ed glanced between the hammer and his erection, fear growing. Oswald only smiled, too sweetly.

“Don’t worry Mr. Nygma, I’m a professional.”

Ed remembered Oswald’s lessons on torture. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

“Your concern has been noted.” Oswald nodded. “And dismissed.”

Oswald swung the hammer and Ed braced for impact, but the rubber tip stopped right before his own.

He looked up and Oswald laughed a little. “I had you there for a bit.”

“Yeah,” Ed sighed, “yeah you-”

While he was talking, Oswald hit his knee and he shouted. This time he looked up with shock and betrayal.

Oswald faked surprise again. “Oh...I’m sorry, did that hurt?”

Ed didn’t say anything, he just kept staring. Oswald pouted. “Aw, I’m really, really sorry.”

Then Oswald lowered himself to his knees so he could kiss the injured spot. “Maybe I can kiss it better.”

“Uhh…” Ed watched as Oswald continued leaving little pecks around his knee, but then Oswald’s kisses started traveling up his thigh.

“Is this helping?” Oswald dragged the latex gloves up and down Ed’s legs, the rubber tugging at the skin. He didn’t think he’d enjoy that part of it so much

Ed also noticed how close Oswald was to his aching cock. “Actually...I think I need a few more, doctor.”

Oswald licked his lips. “Well, if you think it’s necessary…”

The little tease he was, Oswald took his time as he pecked and nipped at Ed’s inner thigh. Finally, he got to Ed’s cock and was planting kisses along the length, and occasionally some on each testicle. He trailed up the shaft until he got his mouth around the tip.

He circled his tongue around the head and gently sucked on it, extracting a few groans. However, it didn’t last long, and Oswald used Ed’s knees to help him stand up.

Oswald smiled and patted Ed’s cheek. “It seems everything’s working down there.” Then he fished a wooden stick from the bag. “So let’s check up here. Say ‘ah’ please.”

Ed wasn’t entirely sure where this was going, but he let his jaw drop. “Ahh…”

The tongue depressor slid into his mouth and the taste of cheap wood was worse than the come he swallowed last night. Oswald pretended to look inside. “Hm...hm, hm, hm. You know, I might have a better tool for this.”

“Oh?” Ed tried to speak as he quickly glanced down at the lab coat. He shouldn’t be this eager, but the thought of Oswald’s cock in his mouth was an exciting one.

Oswald followed Ed’s gaze and chuckled. Then he slowly opened the coat to reveal his own erection. “Is this what you think I’m going to use? Or is this what you  _ want _ me to use?”

The depressor was still on his tongue so he couldn’t really answer, but Ed nodded his head.

“Well, it’s a little unorthodox, but…” Oswald ran his free hand through Ed’s hair, “if the patient feels comfortable with it...”

“Uh huh.” If Ed could say more, he’d ask Oswald to pull his hair too.

Luckily, he didn’t have to because that’s exactly what Oswald did. It’s a good thing the bed was pretty low to the ground, otherwise the height difference would be more of a problem. Still, Ed had to grip the mattress to keep from falling forward as Oswald pulled his head down.

Oswald’s cock easily fit into Ed’s open mouth. Aided by the tongue depressor, there was minor interference as Oswald forced Ed to take more of him.

Now Ed had both tastes, wood and pre-come, but besides that he had no complaints. He liked the tight grip on his hair, and how each strand stuck to the rubber gloves for an added strain. He liked being manhandled in this way, and he even liked the feeling of almost choking on a throbbing cock.

After a few careless thrusts, Oswald yanked Ed off, and then allowed the depressor to fall to the floor. Once again, he pretended to look inside Ed’s panting mouth.

“Hm, you’re right, that worked much better.” Oswald winked. “Now, for the final part of your appointment…”

Ed’s blood was pumping, and the thrill of it all is probably what made him interrupt. “Are you giving me a prostate exam?”

After he said it, Ed was almost as shocked as Oswald.

Oswald blinked a few times. “D-Do you  _ want  _ me to?”

Ed turned red. He couldn’t deny he was curious after seeing how much Oswald enjoyed it, but it was hard to imagine himself on the receiving end. Although, he never would’ve thought he’d like sucking dick either.

Ed shrugged and nodded a little. Oswald leaned closer. “I’m sorry, what was that? In this hospital we require a verbal consent form before any... _ invasive _ procedures.”

This time, Ed’s nod was more sure. “I’m not sure how you’ll file this form, but I fully consent to this procedure doctor Cobblepot.”

A slightly devious smile crossed Oswald’s lips as he purred. “Alright then, let’s begin the operation.”

The bottle of lube was only in the lab coat’s pocket, but Ed was already lying on his back before Oswald got it out.

Oswald looked him over and scoffed. “Okay, y-you’re going to want to be on your hands and knees for this.”

“But you were on your back.”

“Yeah, well I also have a lot more experience than you, and trust that experience when I say you’d be better off on your hands and knees.”

Ed couldn’t argue with Oswald’s expertise so he rolled over, and tucked a pillow under his chest as instructed. He felt the mattress shift as Oswald climbed on. Ed glanced over his shoulder.

“A-Are you going to leave the coat and gloves on?”

“Oh no, I was just getting up here first, don’t worry.”

“Oh.” Ed didn’t expect to hear that much disappointment in his voice. Then he swallowed “C- _ Could _ you leave them on?”

“Well...the coat definitely, but I think it’d be easier without the gloves, they might get in the way.”

“Please? If I don’t like it I’ll tell you.” Ed could tell he had some traction by the way Oswald sighed.

“How about a compromise? I’ll leave one on, but it’s staying on the outside, okay?”

“Okay, that’s fair.” Ed faced forward again as he heard Oswald remove one glove, the latex making an almost obscene sound as it was slowly peeled off. He wished he would’ve been watching too.

Then he heard the bottle click open and the lube squirt out, all followed by Oswald’s voice. “I’m gonna start really small and simple with the pinky alright?”

“Mmhm.” Ed had no idea what to prepare for, so when Oswald’s finger slid inside he let out a small yelp.

He quickly reassured Oswald that he was alright, just surprised. It was such a strange feeling to have someone’s finger move in and out of one’s...self. It certainly wasn’t as bad as Ed was expecting, but it wasn’t as good either.

He felt Oswald stop, and then speak. “Was that okay?”

“Odd, but...yes.”

“Ready for the next step?”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay, and would you prefer I tell you before I do something, or you’ll tell me when to stop?”

Ed had to think a moment. “Y-You can just go ahead.”

“Alright, I think it’s better for the  _ mood _ anyway.” Then Oswald placed a quick kiss on Ed’s shoulder and that was the best part of the experience...so far.

This time Oswald put one hand on Ed’s hip as his index finger sunk in. Ed’s breath hitched, and he focused on controlling it. The feeling was different, but not disagreeable.

While Oswald didn’t verbally give Ed a heads up, he’d tease the fingers around the entrance before inserting them; and he was always so gentle. At two, Ed moaned as he started to feel the stretch, and as Oswald started to be less gentle. The first time Ed had something touch his prostate he let out an almost embarrassing sound.

He put his face into the pillow as Oswald chuckled. “I take it someone’s enjoying this. You’re doing very well by the way.”

The praise was accompanied by the gloved hand massaging Ed’s left cheek, and both felt wonderful. Oswald knew exactly what he was doing. By the third finger, Oswald’s thrusts and twists had Ed panting and trying to push back. He was starting to understand what was so enjoyable about this, and he was glad to hear Oswald groaning a bit too as they were both getting lost in the moment.

Then Ed shouted.

The hand that had been caressing Ed’s skin had suddenly been used to spank him.

Oswald immediately withdrew. “I’m sorry! It’s just that usually...I forgot is all.”

Ed didn’t know how to respond, and his thoughts were split between the pleasure of Oswald’s fingers, the emptiness they left, as well as the recent dull pain. It had hurt, but it wasn’t terrible, and as it faded it didn’t feel bad at all.

He looked back. “I-I...y-you said you usually…?”

Oswald looked embarrassed. “Poor wording. I meant it’s just...something  _ I _ like so I thought...I really did forget the situation, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright I…” he looked down, thinking once more about his answer, “I didn’t  _ dislike _ it.”

There was a pause and then Ed felt two hands on his hips. The grip was hard, but Oswald’s voice was soft as he leaned over to whisper in Ed’s ear. “So...you wouldn’t mind if I did it again?”

Ed swallowed. He never would’ve put spanking and sex together before, but he also trusted that Oswald wouldn’t suggest something without a good reason.

He laughed a little. “Well...if it comes with a professional recommendation...”

Oswald’s hands moved down to knead the delicate flesh. “More than a recommendation...Doctor’s orders.”

The last word was accented with a smack by Oswald’s right hand. There was a bit of lube remaining that got stuck on his skin.

Ed whined and jerked back at the touch. When he did, he brushed against the tip of Oswald’s cock, and remembered there was still more to come.

“So...should we continue the exam?”

“We should.”

Ed got one more slap, slightly lighter than the last, and then those hands were used to spread him open. He felt Oswald’s tip tease around the entrance and his heart raced as the anticipation grew. Then Oswald slowly started pushing in.

He expected it to be about the same as the fingers, but this really did hurt. Oswald’s cock was bigger and thicker and there was a harsh friction as Ed was stretched further with each shallow thrust. He whimpered and panted every time, Oswald sounded the same.

When Oswald’s hips finally hit his backside, Ed let out a soft cry and pushed his face into the pillow. He felt a gentle kiss on his shoulder, and heard Oswald whisper.

“Are you okay?”

Ed nodded. The pain was quickly fading.

Oswald planted more kisses. “You got through the worst part...and you’re doing such a good job.”

Ed buried his face again, but this time it was because he was smiling too much.

Oswald nipped at the back of Ed’s neck before he started moving in slow thrusts, and that... _ that _ felt good. He was right, the worst part was over and now it was pure bliss. And it only got better as Oswald went faster.

Ed moaned or gasped every time Oswald slammed into him. He sometimes got out a ‘harder’ or ‘faster’ if he could think straight. Speaking of, if he wasn’t certain before, the ecstasy that came from being full of cock confirmed his sexuality.

As they were both rocking back and forth on the bed, Ed tried to push back against Oswald. His effort was reprimanded with a spank by the right hand. Ed yelped, but it was followed with a lustful sigh.

Oswald’s chuckle was coarse. “It’s only been a few nights, but I’m really turning you into quite the little slut aren’t I?”

Ed ignored the question, and begged instead. “O-Other hand…”

“Patient’s always right.”

He couldn’t see Oswald’s smirk, but he could feel it...shortly before he felt the gloved hand hit his skin. The rubber was rougher and made a louder sound. It still wasn’t loud enough to cover Ed’s scream.

“Oswald, yes!”

He got another slap. “That’s not very professional.”

Ed almost wanted to laugh, but he shouted again. “Y-Yes, d-doctor! Yes it’s working!”

Oswald didn’t let up. He slightly shifted Ed’s hips so he was hitting that perfect spot every time. Ed shuddered and grasped at the metal bed frame which was shaking as much as he was. He could feel himself getting close, so close. Every thrust and every smack brought him nearer to that edge.

Oswald actually came first, a half-groan half-grunt, as he rode out the pleasure. For Ed, the added feeling of Oswald’s come leaking out of him finally drove him to orgasm. His arms were trembling, the knuckles of one hand white against the bed frame while he spilled all over the sheets.

They were both breathing heavily, and Oswald leaned forward to kiss and bite Ed’s shoulder a few more times before pulling out with a sigh and flopping onto the bed. Ed followed suit and they both ended up on their backs, staring at the ceiling.

After a second or two, Ed glanced over, still a little breathless. “So...it’s too late to start ribs, but...I could make tacos.”

Oswald laughed and then looked at Ed with a smile that could melt hearts. “Hard or soft shell?”

“I think I have both.”

“That’s good, because I prefer hard shells. Harder the better, right?” He winked.

Ed blushed before getting up to go to the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Direct continuation of the last chapter. This is the shortest one so far, but there's a reason it's so "quick"...

While the hamburger was browning, Ed decided he should wash the sheets. After the last few nights, he honestly should’ve done it sooner. From his point of view it was having clean sheets to sleep on, but Oswald’s comment was along the lines of ‘fresh sheets for round two’. Ed’s face was red the entire way down to the laundry room.

Round two? Round  _ TWO _ ? Ed had no idea The Penguin’s sex drive would be so high...but he certainly wouldn’t complain. Well...he was a  _ little _ sore, but that would be the only complaint. Otherwise, he loved all these recent lessons. He loved the action, obviously, and he loved the attention, and how caring Oswald was. He had someone to go to sleep with, someone to wake up with, and that was a routine he could get used to.

When Ed closed the washing machine door, he saw a familiar reflection that made him jump. He whirled around to face his alter. “W-What are you doing here?”

“What am I  _ always _ doing here?”

“I don’t know...torturing me, doing bad things.”

DarkEd rolled his eyes. “I have never-”

“You stole my dead girlfriend’s body!” Only after saying it did Ed check to make sure no one was around.

“Yeah, but you’re the one who killed her in the first place.” DarkEd waved a hand. “Either way that’s in the past, I’m here because of your present. You’re denying yourself something, or there’s some part of you that doesn’t feel complete.”

Ed scoffed. “Please, that’s not true. I have everything I want already! I’m no longer in denial about my sexuality, I have Penguin teaching me about murder and…” even though he was talking to himself, he still blushed, “and things I didn’t even  **know** I wanted. Everything’s perfect.”

DarkEd shrugged. “Well then...why am I here?”

Ed stared at his alter, watched him grin. It was a flippant grin, an ‘I know something you don’t know’ look that irritated Ed enough to make him turn away. He didn’t need this. His alter was just trying to trick him, mess with the good situation he already had. Ed walked out without looking back and went back up to the apartment.

Oswald hung around the kitchen as Ed finished cooking, he even helped by cutting tomatoes. It was fascinating to Ed, seeing Oswald use a knife against produce instead of a person, and it was also quite humorous. He laughed at another messy slice, and then Oswald pointed the knife at him.

“I’m sorry, can you do bet-” He stopped and pulled the knife back. “Stupid question, you probably could.”

“Well...it wouldn’t take a lot.” Ed chuckled again. “I could help if you wanted.”

“Or you could just do it  _ for _ me.”

“I suppose,” he shrugged, “but then you’ll never learn.”

Oswald quickly glanced over Ed, and then he held out his hand with the knife. “Fine, teach away.”

Ed expected him to actually hand over the knife, but it looked like he was waiting for Ed to take his hand. Only a little nervous, Ed stood behind him and covered Oswald’s hands with his own. His chest was pressed against Oswald’s back, but he tried to ignore the warmth, and the lingering scent of sex and sweat, as they chopped.

Ed didn’t want to let go, but when they were finished he had to pull away. “So uh...good job, nice and even. Keep practicing and you’ll keep improving.”

Oswald scraped the diced tomatoes in a bowl. “Sure, I’ll just add that to my list of ‘things to do when Ed’s gone’.”

Ed was on his way back to the laundry room when the sentence stopped him. “You have a list? F-For when I’m gone?”

“It’s nothing special, so far I only have practicing piano and bird watching. Despite popular belief, I do more than eat and sleep all day.”

Ed continued down to the basement. Oswald spoke nonchalantly, but Ed couldn’t help but think about him trying to while away the hours as he waited for Ed to come home. As he loaded damp sheets into the dryer, he was still stuck on that image. Did Oswald ever look wistfully at the door, wishing Ed would be on the other side? It was unlikely, but he couldn’t stop smiling. Even when he came back upstairs for dinner, Ed’s smile barely dimmed.

After their meal, Oswald’s task was to clear all the dishes and Ed went down to check on the bedding. For once the dryers were actually working, so he didn’t have to do two cycles. Good, he didn’t care for his extra set of sheets, he always thought they were scratchier. He also didn’t want to worry about coming down again after he was back with Oswald, because he wasn’t sure what they’d be doing, but he knew he wouldn’t want it to be interrupted.

Working together, they made the bed in no time. Oswald was the first to throw himself onto it, wrapping the comforter around himself.

Ed sat down next to him. “It’s the little things in life, isn’t it?”

Oswald hummed and buried his face. “These sheets are so warm, I could fall asleep right now.”

There was a flash of disappointment on Ed’s face, but when Oswald caught it, he poked his head out of the covers. “Unless...there’s something I should stay awake for?”

Ed perked up. “Well...i-it’s typical that I practice what I learn, right?”

“I suppose that’s become routine.” Oswald sat up. “So, does that mean you have some roles in mind for us?”

“I’ve...given it some thought.” Ed smiled wide.

“Mm, and what are we thinking? Sexy professor and a naughty student? Or-” he gasped lightly, “cops and robbers? That’s a favorite.”

“Oh, um...no. I had something else in mind.” Ed put his hands together. “So...you know how I mentioned I was a dungeon master?”

Oswald’s smile never wavered, but his eyes darted off to the side. “Mmhm.”

“Well, there was this one campaign I ran with these two NPCs who would’ve had amazing chemistry. Unfortunately one of them was killed by the stupid paladin in the party before they reached the wizard’s tower where they would’ve found the spell to free…” Ed saw Oswald was staring at him blankly. “I guess I can save that story for another time, it’s not critical right now. Anyway, thoughts so far?”

“Oh trust me, I’m having plenty of thoughts.” He pursed his lips. “But…you’ve indulged me, so I’ll be open to your fantasy roleplay.”

Ed was thrilled to have Oswald onboard. “It’s not just fantasy, it’s  _ high _ fantasy.”

“ _ Right _ . So, these characters? Is one of us a prince who needs rescuing, or a wizard with a  **magic touch** ?” Oswald rand a finger along Ed's arm.

“Oh no.” Ed shook his head. “Nothing so cheesy. My characters are a barbarian and a druid.”

“Wait, I thought this game had elves and stuff.”

“It does, but that’s a race, not a class.”

Oswald closed his eyes to take a breath. “Plain and simple, who’s who?”

Ed cleared his throat. “Well, I would be a tiefling druid who’s been dealing with a dark past, and tendencies, but who’s trying to be a pacifist…”

“Ahem, what did I say?”

“Plain and simple, yes, but this is all important to the  _ feelings _ of the characters. It’s part of the world-building.”

Oswald sighed. “Sex that requires world-building...sure, why not? Alright, so you’re a...what you just said, and I’m the other one you mentioned, elven warrior or whatever. What’s our-”

“Oh no, no you’re not an elven warrior. You’re a dwarf barbarian.”

Oswald stared at him and blinked. “I’m a... _ what _ ?”

“A dwarf barbarian.”

Oswald was quiet, and then he got off the bed and walked towards the bathroom. Ed raised his hands. “W-Wait, where are you going?”

“Well this _dwarf barbarian_ is going to take a soothing bath because they were just called a **_dwarf barbarian_**!” Oswald turned with a huff.

“I-I didn’t mean it like that! I was thinking about personality, not height!” Ed wanted to smack himself. “Wait, no I-!”

Oswald made another offended sound and slammed the door. Ed flopped back on the bed and covered his face. What a complete mess. He’d almost ruined things earlier, but this time there probably wasn’t any way to salvage it. Resigned to this fate, he went to work cleaning up the kitchen. When he was done, he sat in bed reading until he heard the bathroom door open.

Ed jumped up and launched into his apology. “Mr. Penguin, I formally apologize for any and all offense I may have caused. You see, when I picked you as a dwarf-”

Oswald held up a hand. “You have already dug five feet of your grave friend, do you want to go for the full six?”

Ed pressed his lips together and rapidly shook his head. Oswald lowered his hand and scoffed. “Okay then, everything’s fine.”

He patted Ed’s arm and climbed into bed. Ed fidgeted for a few seconds before crawling in on his side. He picked up his book again, but he kept glancing over at Oswald. He said everything was fine, but _was_ _it_? Ed opened his mouth, and, as if on cue, Oswald rolled over to look at him.

“Yes?”

“N-Nothing. I wasn’t...I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Oswald narrowed his eyes, but eventually he flipped back over to go to sleep. Ed kept reading until he heard Oswald gently snoring. Then he finally put down the book and turned off the light. He turned on his side and laid his head on the pillow, but it took some time before he could fall asleep.

* * *

The alarm beeped at the usual time, and Ed yawned after turning it off. He sat on the edge of the bed, but before he stood up he felt fingers brush against his hand. He looked back to see a sleepy Oswald reaching for him. Oswald rubbed his eyes and mumbled.

“Wait, come back to bed.”

“I technically never left.”

Oswald made a noise, maybe a chuckle. “Well...just lie back down then.”

“Why?” But Ed didn’t wait for an answer as he leaned down on his elbow.

“Because,” Oswald put a hand on Ed’s neck and pulled him into a kiss, “I want to apologize.”

“What?” Ed was stunned. Oswald never kissed Ed in the morning; but they were rarely up at the same time anyway. “What, what would you…”

“I might have overreacted last night.”

“Oh no, that was on me. I didn’t mean to typecast you as small and violent.” Ed shook his head. “Wait, that’s not what I-”

Oswald pressed a finger to his lips. “I got it. But I’d still like to apologize, and…” his finger trailed down to Ed’s shirt, “make it up to you.”

Ed looked down, and then back up to Oswald’s suggestive gaze. “Uh…”

“Would some lazy morning sex suffice?”

“Uh…” Ed grabbed Oswald’s wrist and moved it away, “it’s not really a lazy morning. I have to work.”

Oswald pouted; and just like yesterday morning, he looked so soft and sweet. In different circumstances, Ed would give into Oswald immediately, but his resolve stayed strong. “I just can’t, I have a carefully crafted morning routine, and while there  **is** an allotment of time for  _ incidentals _ , it’s not that much.”

“Aw… Well then…” Oswald’s frown curled up into a seductive smile, “what if we make it quick? You can...show what you know in a speed round.”

Ed paused. “Like a pop quiz?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Hm...I do like pop quizzes.” Ed looked at Oswald. “How quick is  _ quick _ ?”

Oswald leaned back, looking a little more smug. “That all depends on how good you are, or how good you  _ think _ you are. But the longer you take to decide, the more likely you’ll be late.”

Ed wasn’t one for rash decisions, but this was a challenge he couldn’t turn down. “Alright, let’s do it. Let me get my stopwatch, and-”

Oswald suddenly pulled him down onto the mattress and started kissing him. “No time. Just fuck me.”

The man had a point. Ed kissed him back with equal ferocity. As he slipped his tongue inside Oswald’s mouth, Oswald slipped his hand into Ed’s underwear. Ed groaned immediately. This wasn’t like their first night on the couch. There wasn’t any feeling up, or slow stroking, just rapid rubbing and groping.

It wasn’t fair that Oswald wore actual pajama pants. He was certainly cute in them, but it meant Ed had to get through two barriers before he was able to grasp Oswald’s cock. Oswald’s groan was much louder; and then his kisses started traveling all over Ed’s face and neck.

Ed reached for the buttons on Oswald’s shirt, but his hand was snatched away. Oswald kissed the palm and then shook his head. “Don’t even bother, it wastes time.”

Then he let Ed’s hand fall back to the bed, and set to work on his boxers. Oswald tugged them off and smiled. “Only remove what’s necessary.”

This advice was followed by another onslaught of kisses and bites. Ed moaned and writhed under him. Oswald was far too good at this. Just by his touch and his kiss, he rendered Ed helpless. Mm, but Ed loved it.

Although, he knew he couldn’t just lie back and enjoy it. This was a quiz after all. Ed summoned all the strength he could, and flipped them over. He was worried he’d been too hard by the sound of Oswald’s gasp, but then he was dragged into a filthy wet kiss. When he could finally breathe, he started pulling at Oswald’s waistband until they were both exposed.

Ed would’ve loved to take a moment to admire the man beneath him, but he had to remember he was on the clock. He moved to get the lube, but his hand was grabbed again. Before he could protest or question it, Oswald had his tongue swirling around Ed’s fingers.

Ed gasped and just watched for a moment. Oswald licking and sucking each finger with half-hooded eyes. When he slowly pulled away there was a string of saliva connecting Ed’s middle finger to Oswald’s pink lips.

Ed swallowed, staring at his glistening fingers. “B-But...but you said to always use the-”

“Desperate times call for alternative measures.” Oswald noticed that Ed was still skeptical. “At least for this part.”

Reassured, Ed started fingering Oswald open. He noticed there was more resistance than the lube, so he made sure to be careful. Except he didn’t make it far, and stopped when he heard Oswald making sounds that weren’t all pleasurable.

“I’m sorry, did I-”

“Ugh, could you  **go** any slower?” Oswald frowned.

“Uh-I...I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Oswald scoffed, a hint of frustration. “As if I'd  _ let _ you hurt me.”

Ed blinked, taken aback by the tone. Ed could easily hurt Oswald if he wanted. He was bigger and stronger, but...but somehow he still believed it. He believed The Penguin was capable of looking death in the eye and simply saying ‘no’, so it made sense that he wouldn’t  _ allow _ himself to be hurt. By Ed or anyone else.

Ed plunged one finger in, and only did a few quick thrusts before adding another. Logic told him this couldn’t be comfortable, but he disregarded it and did the same for the third. He moved his fingers, remembering the effect that had, but even that was short-lived as Oswald put a hand on his shoulder.

“Ah...okay, okay...moving along...”

Without waiting, Oswald covered his hand in saliva and grasped Ed’s cock. Ed gasped, but he also saw the indication that he should follow suit. His own spit mixed with Oswald’s as they worked together to prepare. Again, Ed doubted this method, but Oswald was so insistent.

Ed started to cautiously push in, but he caught another look from Oswald. Aiming to please, Ed buried himself to the hilt in one thrust. Oswald screamed, actually screamed, and Ed was going to pull out immediately, but Oswald grabbed his face and kissed him. Finding encouragement, Ed repeated the action and got a similar reaction. He did it again and again, and Oswald kept moaning.

Oswald’s nails dug into Ed’s back. “Yes! Yes...oh fuck, fuck, faster!”

Ed didn’t know if he could go faster, but if that’s what Oswald wanted, he would try. It had to hurt, at least a little. The increased friction was even making Ed uncomfortable, but the pain was still outweighed by pleasure. It was also worth it to watch Oswald, now stroking himself with eyes mostly closed as Ed fucked him fast and hard. He snapped his hips in and out, breathing heavy, until the pace and tension caused him to come. Beneath him, Oswald brought himself over the edge only a few moments later.

Both breathing hard, Ed leaned down to kiss Oswald, but a hand on his face pushed him away. Oswald sat up and looked at the clock. After he read it, he smiled at Ed.

“Not bad Mr. Nygma. Room for improvement, but not bad.” Then he poked Ed in the chest. “Now...you need to get to work.”

It was Ed’s turn to look at the clock. “Cheese and crackers!” He jumped off the bed and rushed to the bathroom to get ready. He heard Oswald laughing as he closed the door.

In record time, Ed was dressed and scrambling to grab everything on his way out. His hair was still damp and his glasses were…

“Forgetting something?” Oswald held them up by the bow. He was still in bed, but he’d put the pajama pants back on.

Ed sighed and walked over. “That explains why everything was so blurry.”

“I think you should invest in contacts.”

“Why? So I can forget those too?” Ed slipped them on and went to get his coat.

“No. I just think you look good without them, you have nice eyes.” Oswald shrugged. “Or If you ever need an excuse to change up your style.”

The compliment surprised Ed. Sure it was hidden under a casual tone, but Oswald still said he had nice eyes. Oswald willingly made eye contact with him long enough to study his eyes, and Ed felt honored. As he slid the door open he heard Oswald’s voice again.

“Hopefully you’re not too late, or else you’ll have to explain  _ why _ .” He winked and Ed blushed.

“I-I wouldn’t blow our cover like that.”

“I wasn’t worried before, but the fact that you needed to clarify…” Oswald raised an eyebrow, “you better get to work before you  _ are _ late.”

Right, the time. Ed hastily waved and ran into the hallway.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter with more killing...and maybe some plot?

When Ed arrived at the GCPD, he tried to sneak into the forensics lab without anyone noticing his tardiness. It wasn’t hard. Which made him wonder just how late he’d have to be in order to start raising questions. Maybe he could’ve taken his time with Oswald...they could try it another day. He was just about to close the door when…

“Hey Ed, wait up!” Jim jogged over.

Ed jumped. “I-I have a good excuse for being late!”

“What?” Jim tilted his head, then shook it. “No I uh...Harv and I got some new evidence on that drug deal gone bad.” He handed over a little bag. “So I thought I’d skip the middleman, and catch you now.”

“Oh.” Ed took the evidence. “Yes, I’ll-I’ll get to this right away.”

“Appreciate it. We need a win.” Jim ran a hand through his hair. “Ugh because of all this Galavan business...it’s been driving people crazy,” he scoffed, “or maybe just me. If I could just  _ find _ Oswald…”

Ed tensed up. “N-No, no no no, you shouldn’t worry about Oswald.”

“Actually, I think I should. He’s a pretty important piece to this case, and-” Jim sighed and glanced away. “Well I can’t stand to think about what would happen if Galavan found him first.”

Ed didn’t like that glance, it was too... _ soft _ . He straightened up. “As I said, I don’t think you need to worry about Oswald. I’m sure he’s being taken  **great** care of, and that he’s doing perfectly fine without  **you** .”

Jim turned back to him with confusion. Before he could ask anything, Ed quickly shook the evidence bag. “Uh, anyway, I’ll um...get to it. H-Have a good day detective.” Then he slipped inside the lab and slammed the door behind him.

Ed avoided Jim for the rest of the day, which wasn’t hard because Gordon always seemed to be running off somewhere. Ed couldn’t believe he was so careless this morning, he should’ve just kept his mouth shut. Although, despite knowing better, he wished he could’ve said  _ more _ . He would’ve loved to poke Jim right in the chest and say ‘I know something you don’t know’, or maybe rub it in Jim’s face that Penguin has been with him the whole time, and how happy they’ve been. At least Ed  _ thinks _ Oswald’s happy.

Ed realized he had never asked if Oswald was happy. He confirmed that they were good friends, and he took care of all of Oswald’s complaints very quickly, but he never asked if he was  _ happy _ . Wait,  _ could _ he ask, or was it weird to just bring it up? Ed decided he needed a plan to ease the topic into their conversation. Maybe he could start with something really special...

* * *

It took a lot of scouring, but Ed was able to locate another victim. He was actually surprised at just  **how** easy it was to kidnap people and drag them up to his apartment. He even got stopped by another one of the building’s tenants, but they didn’t even question him about the tarp he was dragging past their room, they just asked him how the weather was. Gotham is a messed up town.

He slid the door to his apartment open and saw Oswald at the piano. The sudden discordancy meant that Oswald noticed him...and the bag.

“Huh...well that explains why you’re home late.”

“I’m sorry, should I have called?”

Ed wasn’t aware he made a joke, but Oswald chuckled. “No, probably better if you didn’t. Wouldn’t want anyone overhearing you talk about...well, murder.”

“Yeah, better not to broadcast my crimes to the entire city.” Ed tugged the body across the floor to tie it up. “Although the people here are such idiots I probably  _ could _ showcase my crimes and they still wouldn’t be able to figure it out.”

Oswald scoffed at first, but then it did build into actual laughter. A genuine laugh that was better than any sound Ed had heard. It made him smile, and then he eventually joined in. The only way this could be better was if Oswald were closer, in Ed’s arms just laughing into his ear. But before that could happen, the moment came to a close and Oswald sighed.

“So true, friend. Except, Jim Gordon...Jim Gordon might give you a run for your money.”

Ed turned his attention back to the unconscious man as he frowned. “Please, I could leave **clues** behind and the great detective Gordon would never know.”

“I wouldn’t underestimate him. He does have a brain beneath that blonde hair.”

“Hardly.” Ed rolled his eyes. “He still doesn’t know where  _ you _ are, or even have an idea.”

“Oh? Jim’s looking for little ol’ me?”

The tone of Oswald’s voice made Ed close the closet door a bit harder. “I wouldn’t say  _ that _ . He’s definitely curious, but not actively  **looking** .”

“Ah well, I guess we shouldn’t worry much. He’s not very good at seeing what’s right in front of him.” Then Oswald sighed and got up from the piano bench. “So...what are our plans tonight?”

“For...which part? Dinner, murder, or sex?”

Oswald sauntered over with a smile. “Well that sounds like a great time already, but do they have to  _ stay _ in that order?”

Ed glanced up in thought. “Um...I guess not, but I kind of had it scheduled in my head that way. I mean, it really depends on how late you want to eat. I’m warning you now, this new recipe seems a bit timely, and if I have to make the cheesecake still…”

His menu was interrupted by the sound of the TV. He hadn’t even noticed that Oswald had walked away. Ed looked over at him lounging on the couch.

“Right, so anyway I’m going to get started on that, but let me know if you need anything.” Ed let his hands fall against his legs and got to work in the kitchen.

When the final timer went off, Ed had a delicious chicken piccata ready to serve. By the time he put it on the table, Oswald was already there. Ed smiled to himself while he got them glasses and then he sat down to eat.

Their dinner conversation flowed as smoothly as usual. Ed got Oswald to burst into laughter for the second time that day, over a horrible joke he didn't even think was that funny, but he was glad it worked. He leaned forward and sighed just looking at Oswald's laugh lines. He suddenly remembered his plan to ask Oswald about being happy. Surely this moment itself proved that he  _ was _ happy, but uncertainty sunk in as Ed stood up to get dessert. With somewhat shaky hands, be put down two plates of cheesecake, thinking about what he would say.

Just as he opened his mouth, Oswald moaned. "Holy shit what is this?"

"Uh...c-cheese- I mean, sea salt chocolate cheesecake with caramel."

Oswald took another bite and leaned back. "Mm…" he sat up again, "and you're  _ sure _ you want to be a criminal? Because you could just make desserts that are equally killer, and hell I'd use mafioso money to fund you."

Ed was bright pink and trying to hide a smile. Oswald would usually make a big deal over his sweets, but this seemed excessive. "Thank you for the praise, it means a lot coming from you, but I've made up my mind about this change."

"Hm, suit yourself."

Ed focused on swirling some caramel on his plate. "But I really enjoy being your personal chef."

Oswald pointed with his fork. "And I enjoy  _ having _ a personal chef. You'd be so much better than the last one."

Ed finally took his first bite. Oswald enjoyed having him. With this confidence boost, Ed opened his mouth to ask.

"Oswald...Mr. Penguin, I've been thinking about it all day and I just wanted to ask, well more to check in, but...how are you feeling?"

Oswald's fork stopped and he raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Uh... I mean, it's been-"

"This isn't about this morning again, is it?"

"W-What? I-"

"Because I already told you, I'm fine. Sometimes, it feels good to get hurt."

Ed blushed a little thinking about this morning's roughness. "I-I'm not…"

"Still not following?" Oswald sighed. “Okay, let me try to put this a different way…”

Ed wanted to interrupt again, but this seemed like it was going to be a whole thing. It’d be better to just sit and listen; and who knows, maybe he would learn something. He politely folded his hands while Oswald launched into his speech.

“So let’s say sex is like...this delicious cheesecake,” Oswald lifted his plate and then shook his head, “no simpler, let’s just say it’s chocolate. Chocolate is tasty on its own, you could eat a whole chocolate bar no problem, and then the pain is...it’s like the sea salt!”

While Ed didn’t find the information super thrilling, he did like seeing how animated Oswald got talking about it. Even picking up a salt shaker for a prop.

“I mean, you wouldn’t just eat a handful of salt, that’d be horrible. But...you sprinkle some salt into your chocolate, and suddenly-” he leaned back and opened his arms, “everything is  **so** much better! So you see, even though it seemed like you were hurting me this morning, that’s fine because I  _ like _ it. And who knows...maybe you do too," Oswald winked, “we’ll have to find out. But, you understand now, right?”

Ed continued to be silent, although now it was because he was a little too flustered to say anything. So he just nodded his head. Oswald smiled.

“Good, glad to be on the same page.” Then he relaxed in his chair. “So, should we test my theory or...do you want to kill a guy?”

* * *

Thankful to move on from that conversation, Ed had their victim tied to the chair in front of them in no time. Ed had made sure all the ropes were secure so when the guy finally woke up they wouldn’t have a repeat of last time. While Ed was fine to simply wait around, Oswald slapped the man until his eyes cracked open.

Smugly, Oswald straightened up and smiled. “There he is, so nice to have you join us for your final moments. It’s always-”

His villainous monologue was interrupted by the man screaming at the top of his lungs. Apparently he’d managed to spit out the rag that had been shoved in his mouth.

“Help! Help, anybody! Murderers!”

As he kept yelling, Oswald looked to Ed with a surprised expression. Ed looked equally shocked and shrugged. “I-I don’t know, it worked on the last guy!”

Oswald narrowed his eyes. “Well do something to fix it!”

Ed quickly worked to shove the rag back in the man’s mouth...only to have him spit it out and continue screaming. Ed frantically looked to his mentor for guidance and Oswald just smacked his own forehead.

“Fine.  _ I’ll  _ fix it. Just shut him up for a bit, would you?”

Oswald walked away from the crime scene while Ed tried what he could to keep their victim quiet. He tried covering the mouth with his hand, and got bit, he tried tying the rag around the man’s head, but it was too short. Eventually he just shoved the rag in and held it until Oswald returned. Then he pulled out the rag and Oswald quickly shoved something else in there and fastened it in the back.

Ed stared at the red ball and then looked to Oswald. Oswald tilted his head, almost offended. “What? I’m not happy about wasting it either, but he’s quiet isn’t he? It’s not my fault you don’t have any other suitable gags.”

“B-But where did you get this?”

“It was in that bag I had you get. Same as this.” Oswald casually held up a flogger.

Ed’s mouth hung open as he tried finding any words. “W-Wh...how...what?  _ What _ ? I-I’m sorry,  _ how _ much stuff was in there? I didn’t remember the bag being that big.”

“What are you talking about? It was a giant bag.”

“W-Well what else did you get?”

Oswald put a hand on his heart. “Aw...you think I’m going to tell you. No, no it’s much more fun seeing your reaction.”

With Ed still staring, Oswald brushed past him to address their victim again. “So, you Theo Galavan henchman scum...any last words?”

The man made an array of noise and grunts all muffled by the gag.

Oswald leaned in with a hand by his ear. “What was that? Nothing? Hm, how odd you were so vocal a moment ago. Don’t worry, you’ll be screaming again in no time.” He stood up and whipped the flogger to the side so the leather strips cut through the air with a crack.

It wasn’t as loud or harsh as an actual whip, but it still made Ed jump. Oswald glanced over and winked. “I’m sorry, did I get a little too close for comfort?"

Ed couldn't answer, his face was so hot he was sure only steam would come out if he opened his mouth. He kept his silence as Oswald readied the flogger again.

The force was the same, but this time the hit landed squarely on the victim’s chest. The man’s shirt offered little protection and he screamed through the gag. Oswald struck again and again, the leather ends eventually tearing through the man’s clothes and into his skin. Ugly red lines and marks covered his torso and legs; and each new addition was accompanied by a sickening snap of the flogger and muffled shouts. If he got too loud, Oswald would even aim for the face, and sometimes the swing would be hard enough to splatter blood. Ed watched in awe, the rhythm of the swings was almost hypnotic.

After one particularly heavy hit Oswald let out a sigh and rolled his shoulder. “Ugh, I am a  _ little _ out of practice it seems.”

Ed stepped closer and started massaging his mentor’s shoulders, earning him a soft moan. “Maybe we’ll add stretches to our killing routine.”

Oswald scoffed. “Couldn’t hurt.”

Then he turned around and Ed could see flecks of blood on his face, blending into his freckles. He smiled a bit and then offered the weapon. “So, want to give me a break?”

Ed’s eyes lit up and he held out his hands like he was receiving a sword. “Gladly Mr. Penguin.”

Holding the handle firmly, Ed stepped in front of their victim and swung the flogger as hard as he could. There were three different shrieks from each person in the room. Ed rubbed the spot where he accidentally hit himself on the backswing, and saw that Oswald had jumped away from him.

Embarrassed, Ed held out the flogger, but Oswald pushed it back. “No, no, just try again. I’ll help you.”

Oswald dictated Edward’s stance and grip, and then he overlapped Ed’s hands with his own to go through the motions. It was a little awkward since Oswald was shorter, but Ed didn’t mind at all, especially with all the encouragement he got.

“Very nice follow-through. Now remember - be aware of your falls at all times, and power comes from the hips not the arm. Which,  _ I _ should’ve listened to that last note earlier.” He chuckled and stepped back. “Alright, you may proceed.”

With new notes and knowledge, Ed swung the flogger again, and the ends of the falls landed perfectly on the victim and  _ only _ the victim. Ed looked back with pride, and Oswald gave him a bit of applause and a ‘well done’. Receiving the approval of his teacher, Ed happily went back to whipping.

He wasn’t sure how many lashes he got in, but when Ed took a step back the man before him had slumped in the chair. He was still breathing, but the skin on his chest was torn up and covered in blood, some of it had been beaten to the point it was almost hanging off of him.

Ed glanced down at the leather falls that also had some blood on the ends. He didn’t expect this much damage from them, but with the right amount of force and repetition it was possible. He looked up when Oswald approached the victim.

Oswald lifted the man’s chin with the tip of a knife. “Oh no, did you run out of screams? Or is this terrible gag in the way.” Obviously the man didn’t respond. “Hm, maybe I can help with that.”

When Oswald brought the knife to the edge of the red ball, Ed got nervous. He was worried Oswald would cut through the strap and render the trophy useless. Not that Ed would imagine using it on himself or Oswald...but they could keep it for...future victims.

However, Oswald didn’t cut into the toy, he cut into the man. The knife was wedged into the corner of the man’s mouth, right above the black strap, and then Oswald started dragging it up. The blade sliced through the cheek, following along the gag until it hit the man’s ear. Oswald repeated the action on the other side. When he was done their victim had two jagged red lines stretching from ear to ear almost like a bloody smile. The gag was forcing his mouth open, and the cut up parts of his cheek flopped around when Oswald poked the skin with a finger.

Ed chuckled at the display and joined Oswald in jabbing the loose skin, sometimes hitting against teeth. Oswald laughed too as if they were two kids prodding a bug they found. The man was also trying to squirm away like a bug, but unlike any tiny insect, his oppressors could actually hear his screams.

Oswald straightened up and had Ed slap the flogger across the man’s face again, making him yell louder. Then Oswald smiled. “See? I knew you had some final screams left in you, we just needed to open things up. And now…” he circled the victim, “we’ll bring things to a close.”

Using the handle of the knife, Oswald hammered against the ball gag. It moved in just a little. He hit it again and again, until the ball was past the man’s teeth and they could see it through the cut up cheeks. Ed pulled away the skin to see better, watching the man’s tongue wriggle.

Ed smiled back at Oswald. “This reminds me of that theory about putting a lightbulb in your mouth. When you pull it out, it breaks.”

“Maybe we should try that on the next one.” Oswald put his elbow on Ed’s shoulder. “You know, I once fed glass to one of Maroni’s disobedient men. Back when I worked in his restaurant.”

Ed’s eyes got wide. “Really? What was it like?”

“I’ll tell you another time.” Oswald patted Ed’s back. “Let’s kill this one first.”

His hand slipped from Ed’s back, down his arm, and then placed it on the victim’s nose. Slowly, Oswald pinched the nostrils together. The man instantly started fighting for air, unable to breath through his mouth or nose. Then Oswald started tilting the man’s head back, further and further until even the chair started leaning back.

Ed creeped over Oswald’s shoulder to get a closer look. Adding up the bloody smile, the ugly lines criss-crossing their victim’s body, and the straining neck, it was a lovely sight. Oswald was lovely too, a strong stance, eyes shining with bloodlust, and holding the life of a man between his thumb and forefinger; and slowly,  _ slowly _ he was draining that life. The man gargled around the gag pressed too far into his mouth, and his body jerked against the chair.

Finally, all movement ceased. Oswald held on for a little while longer and then simply let go so the body fell to the floor. After that sick thud, the room was silent.

Even though Ed wasn’t the one who suffocated, he felt like he couldn’t breath. He was still so in awe of Oswald’s control. The way he handled the flogger, the knife, and the man himself. His trance was broken when Oswald handed the knife over.

“Well, that was fun. I’m going to clean myself up, and you…” he gestured to the body, “can handle this?”

“Y-Yes, of course.”

“Great. Maybe I’ll be out in time to help.” He patted Ed’s cheek, and turned towards the bathroom.

Ed stared after him and then blurted out. “Are you happy?”

Oswald stopped and looked over his shoulder. “What?”

Once again Ed felt like the air was sucked out of him. “A-Are you happy?”

It took a moment, but then Oswald grinned. “No, I’m  _ extremely _ upset. I  _ hate _ killing people, how dare you ask me such a question?” He forwent the sarcasm for the next question. “What do you think?”

“I...I think…” Ed settled his nerves with a small smile. “You’re happy.”

“Look at you, using that brain you were bragging about.” Oswald tapped his own forehead. “Why yes, I’d say I’m having a good time.”

He winked and continued on his way.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed earns more of his murder trinkets.

Once the bathroom door closed Ed let out a huge sigh and put both hands over his chest. Oswald was happy. Oswald was happy  _ here _ . Happy with  **_him_ ** . His meek smile grew and grew until his cheeks hurt. Not as much as their victim’s cheeks had hurt. The thought reminded Ed that he had a job to do, but no amount of bloody clean-up could dampen his spirit.

He had the body on the floor and all possessions ready to be discarded. He held off on the ball gag and flogger though. Yes, they had their victim’s blood on them and could be a compromising piece of evidence, but so had the handcuffs. Ed considered just taking the items and stashing them away, but he knew Oswald would find them eventually. It was best to wait and see what the expert had to say about it. Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long because Oswald came out of the bathroom massaging his face.

“Ugh, I’ve washed so many blood spots off it feels like I’ve scrubbed off a whole layer of skin.” He looked at Ed. “We should do that sometime.”

“D-Do what?” All Ed could think about was sharing his bathtub with Oswald and gently washing blood off of each other. He was fairly certain it wasn’t the right answer, but there was always a possibility.

“Scrubbing someone’s skin off. You take some steel wool and…” He mimed scouring back and forth. “It’s great for torture on a budget.”

Edward dismissed his own thoughts. “Good to know.”

“So,” Oswald stepped into the kitchen scene, “anything left to do?”

“I think all that’s left is to roll up the body and tie off the tarp. And then...uh…” he awkwardly picked up the flogger and gag, “deciding what to do with these.”

Oswald took a second to glance at the toys, and then he crossed his arms. “Well, you’re supposed to be learning something, so what do you think we should do?”

Edward had lots of suggestions. “Um...well...I think we  _ should _ throw them away with the rest of the evidence.” Oswald silently nodded his head; Ed swallowed nervously. “B-But...I was thinking about how you let me keep the handcuffs, so I was  _ hoping _ I could...earn these too?”

Oswald put a hand on his chin, but said nothing. His face was perfectly neutral too. Ed could feel sweat on the back of his neck. Then Oswald pursed his lips.

“Hm...I suppose it’s only fair. Although I probably shouldn’t have started this trend to begin with.” Oswald shrugged. “Alright, I’ll grab the lube  _ just _ in case I think of something. In the meantime we can finish up with the tarp.”

The two worked quietly to position the body and then tightly roll him up in the tarp. Oswald was tying rope at one end and Ed was doing the same at the other. Ed was staring at the outline of the corpse, remembering the recent events that got them to this point. His mind got stuck on the crack of the flogger and the way the man suffered under Oswald’s powerful-

“Everything alright?”

“Hm?” Ed perked up.

Oswald was looking at him. “I think you zoned out there.”

“Oh, it was nothing.” He quickly waved his hand. “I-I was just thinking about the kill and...and how you...you’re just so…” he looked away, focusing on the body again. He mumbled his next thought. “It almost makes one jealous.”

Oswald scoffed, even though he really wasn’t meant to hear that. “Well don’t worry, with enough practice you can  _ maybe _ be like me someday.”

“Huh? Be like y…” Ed bit his tongue to stop the question, and then changed gears. “Y-Yes! Yes, be like you, that’s what I meant.”

Oswald raised an eyebrow, but then he lowered it as the corner of his mouth twitched up. “Good, because I couldn’t possibly imagine why you’d be jealous of the  _ victim _ .”

“E-Exactly.” Edward was afraid Oswald suddenly had the power to read minds. He focused all of his attention on tying this final knot. He didn’t even notice that Oswald got up until he felt the hand on his shoulder. He jerked his head up to see the criminal right next to him.

“Unless…” Oswald tilted Ed’s head up further using his forefinger, but instead of using the pad of his finger, he dug his nail into Ed’s chin. He smirked. “Do you wish to be my victim, Edward?”

Somehow Ed’s blood ran both hot and cold; but no matter the temperature, it was all going in the same direction. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, uncertain what to say. Apparently it was taking too long because, in a flash, Oswald grabbed his throat.

“Well…?”

“Y-Yes!” Ed swallowed against the pressure on his throat. “Yes.”

“I had my suspicions.” Oswald pulled his hand away. “And I think I know how you’re going to earn your trinkets.”

Ed watched silently as Oswald plucked the ball gag off the table, and dangled it as he turned back to Ed. He had a wicked smile. “Come here.”

Ed continued to stare blankly. Then he jerkily pointed at the wrapped up body. “B-B...w-wha...but w-w-what…” Words Edward god dammit! “What about the body?”

“What about it? Nothing more we can do with him tonight. But  _ you _ …” Oswald beckoned with a finger, “I can do lots with. Now,  **come here** .”

It felt like floating as Ed slowly rose and walked over to Oswald. He stood close, remembering a time when this would be  _ too close _ ...far too close. He looked down while Oswald looked up at him through dark lashes.

“Say ‘ah’ for me.”

Ed wetted his lips before opening them. Oswald slowly pushed the ball in, and had to stand on his toes to fix the straps in the back, bringing their faces even closer. Edward could taste the iron of their victim’s blood, but he ignored his thoughts about sanitation in favor of dirtier ones.

As Oswald slid back down, one of his hands also slid along Ed’s cheek, stopping when his thumb reached Ed’s bottom lip. He gave it a tug.

“You look so pretty like this.” Oswald patted his cheek, a little harder than expected. “But you’d look even better without all those clothes.” He ran his hands down Ed’s shirt. “Take them off.”

Ed’s heart was beating rapidly, and somehow taking his shirt off did nothing to cool his skin. Nor did taking off his pants or underwear. Oswald, still fully clothed and holding the flogger, eyed him like a predator eyeing its prey. Then he stepped forward and let the falls fall down Ed’s body.

At least the leather felt cool. Although, some of the blood hadn’t dried completely so it marked him with botched red lines. In between two stripes, Oswald leaned in to lick up Ed’s chest. Edward moaned through the gag.

Oswald continued kissing along Ed’s collar and neck until he reached the red ball. He worked at the corner of Ed’s mouth, and Ed did the same until their tongues finally met. Then Oswald chuckled.

“Maybe I should cut open your cheek too.” He licked along the black strap. “That might make things easier.”

Shuddering at thought, Ed had to keep himself standing. Oswald pulled away.

“Although...I don’t want things to be easier.” His fingers trailed down to wrap around Ed’s cock. “I prefer them to be  **hard** .”

He squeezed and got a grunt in response. He grinned and continued. As he stroked Ed, he glanced off to the side.

“So...I think I have a challenge for you.”

Ed sighed as Oswald left, and looked to see him standing by the chair. Oswald clicked his tongue to signal Ed over, and then put a hand on the back of the chair. He tilted it onto only two legs.

“You’re going to hold this chair in this exact position the entire time I fuck you.” He said it so coolly that it sent a shiver down Ed’s spine. “ **But** ...if I hear wood hitting the floor…” he let the chair fall with a thud, “then it’s  _ all over _ .”

Ed nodded that he got the message.

“Good.” Oswald snapped his fingers towards the chair. “Pick it up.”

Still a little nervous, Ed hesitated. Then Oswald snapped the flogger and Ed was eager to obey. He bent over to pick up the chair, but he only got it about halfway before a hand on his ass made him stop.

Oswald gave it a squeeze. “That’s far enough. Take a step back.”

Ed was in no position to ask questions, but as soon as he shuffled his feet back he understood why. Now his arms were fully extended, making him bend over just a little farther to keep his grip on the chair.

Oswald talked as he ran his hand up Ed’s ass and over his back, all the way up. “Mm...excellent posture Mr. Nygma. This is the best you’ve looked since I had you on your knees begging for me.”

He stopped at Ed’s shoulders and used the end of the flogger to tap the red ball. “If you could, would you beg for me again?”

The answer was obvious. Ed nodded and made a muffled, ‘uh huh’, noise.

Oswald chuckled low in Ed’s ear, and nibbled at the shell. “That’s what I like to hear. So…” he teased the falls over Ed’s extended arm, “ready to test my theory?”

Ed stared at the toy in front of him, the  _ weapon _ . He was eager to learn anything and everything Oswald would teach, but for the first time he considered shaking his head ‘no’. The spanking and manhandling yesterday was enjoyable, but Ed had just watched a man’s flesh be torn apart by this thing.

When Ed didn’t nod or respond in any way, Oswald took the flogger away. “I feel a quick clarification is in order. I’m not going to do to you what I did to our unfortunate friend. That was an example of  _ improper _ use. This will still hurt, but it won’t be so hard that you’re flayed alive.”

Eyes looking between Oswald and the flogger, Ed was still a little uncertain. Then he briefly remembered his conversation with his alter about denial. He really hadn’t explored the painful side to pleasure so maybe he shouldn’t say no, after all his vision had also appeared in handcuffs that one time, so it was probably a sign. He glanced at Oswald one more time and then gave a short nod.

“Excellent.” Oswald ran a hand through Ed’s hair. “Also...I may have said it like a threat, but in all seriousness, if you want it to end you just drop the chair, alright?”

Then he trailed his hand in reverse all the way across Ed’s back. “Now, just relax…” he snapped the flogger off to the side, “I’m a  _ professional _ .”

The way Oswald purred the word did help Ed relax. He trusted Oswald whole-heartedly, especially on subjects like this. Penguin proved himself to be a master of both pain and pleasure, and Ed was excited to benefit from both sides.

The suspense was almost worse than the hit...almost. The flogger struck hard and he almost dropped the chair in surprise, but he caught it quickly. Oswald chuckled.

“Nice catch. Ready for another one?”

Ed nodded quickly and his shout was muffled by the gag as another strike landed. It hurt, Oswald didn’t lie about that, but he also wasn’t lying about how good it felt too. After the initial shock, it was rather pleasing. He’d sometimes flinch in pain, but he didn’t want it to stop.

Oswald started slowly, working up to a nice pace as he included the thighs too. The thumping created a rhythm for the rest of Ed’s noises. Every sting produced louder moans and cries.

The more sound Ed made, the more resistant he got to the gag, and it wasn’t long before he was drooling all over. The saliva running down his chin was almost equal to the pre-come leaking from his hardening cock. Ed reached one hand down, but he didn’t get far because Oswald gave his ass two hard whacks.

“Did I say you could move?” His tone was as harsh as the flogger itself.

Ed reset himself, but as soon as he did, Oswald yanked on his hair. His head was pulled back and the strain of his neck made it even harder to breathe, but he didn’t mind at all. Oswald growled in his ear.

“Your hands are going to stay  **right there** , got it?”

Unable to nod, Ed mumbled an ‘mhm’. Oswald gave his hair another tug and Ed’s next ‘mhm’ was much more ardent.

“Good.” Oswald released Ed’s head with a shove.

Ed had the time to take one breath before he felt another whack of the flogger. It was harder than the rest and left a deep, burning sensation across his backside. More followed in quick succession, definitely leaving marks.

If Ed could speak he would’ve been moaning out Oswald’s name like he was praying for more. Desperate to be both the Penguin’s victim and paramour.

The assault finally stopped, followed by the faint click of a cap, and the next thing Ed felt was Oswald’s lubed finger pushing inside of him. He breath hitched a little before he adjusted to it.

As Oswald continued to stretch Ed open, caressing the sore skin with his other hand. “I wish I could take a picture, these lines look  _ lovely _ on you.” He must’ve been tracing one the way he moved his finger. “And I know green’s your color, but  _ red _ suits you just as well.”

Oswald pinched the back of Ed’s thigh before removing both of his hands. Devoid of any sensation, Ed groaned and waggled his hips a bit, still careful of moving the chair too much. He got a slap on the ass and a quick kiss on his back.

“Only your second time and you’re so impatient.” Oswald chuckled low as he teased Ed with the tip of his cock.

Ed moved his legs further apart for encouragement. Again, Oswald laughed at his effort, but at least it yielded results. Oswald didn’t go as slow as the first time, pushing all the way in, so that Ed moaned and arched his back.

Oswald was gentle with his thrusts though...in the beginning. He was soon pounding into Ed hard enough to make the chair creak, even as Ed kept it from tipping. Although the chair was barely heard over their own sounds.

Ed screamed through the gag, it really felt good. Especially when Oswald would give an extra squeeze to his ass, or dig his nails into the already tender flesh. After a particularly loud cry, his hair was yanked back again.

There was a little huff in between Oswald’s words. “You’re starting to sound like our poor guest.” He reached around to put a hand over the gag. “Will I have to shove that ball down your throat too?”

The image of their victim’s sliced up cheeks and final moments flashed in Ed’s mind. He was reminded about the ball gag’s previous use and the taste of blood came back to him. He and Oswald...they killed someone with this, and Oswald had the power do the same to Ed. To think, he was worried about using the flogger at the start, but now his mind was clouded with pleasure that even being cut up by Oswald sounded blissful.

All these thoughts only made Ed harder and he pushed back, trying to create more of that friction. Oswald groaned and let go of Ed’s hair, choosing to grip his hips instead as the thrusts started again. Then Oswald dragged his other hand off the ball gag and across Ed’s cheek, leaving behind a trail of saliva. He wrapped those fingers around Ed’s aching cock and began pumping.

It was all hard and fast from there. Oswald was nothing but rough, slamming into Ed while groping him, sometimes scratching him. Getting closer and closer to the edge, Ed’s grip on the chair was so tight his knuckles were completely white, and his legs felt like they were going to give out. He loved it.

He tilted his head back, and the extra strain on his airway was enough to make him come. The shock of his orgasm finally made his knees buckle and he slid to kneel on the floor as the chair returned to all four legs. Shortly after, he heard a groan and felt Oswald’s come hitting his back. It was a new sensation, but it was oddly pleasing, especially as it started to cool.

Oswald’s fingers ran through Ed’s hair, down to undo the gag. He slowly removed it, and Ed was able to take a big breath through his mouth. Then Oswald grabbed his cheek and made Ed face him. Ed just panted, his jaw was sore and his lips probably looked bright red.

Oswald’s eyes drifted over his entire face, and then ended on his lips. He smiled and finally met Ed’s eyes. “I’d say you’ve passed.”

Ed was too worn out to show his excitement, but he attempted a smile. Oswald chuckled and ran his thumb over Ed’s bottom lip, wiping away some excess drool. Then he straightened up and Ed heard his footsteps receding.

He was still too tired to leave the floor, so he was in the same position when Oswald came back. He felt something warm on his back and looked over his shoulder to see Oswald with a washcloth.

Oswald spoke as he continued to clean them up. “I apologize, but I feel my education on after-care has been lacking. Alas, it is an equally important part of maintaining a healthy sex life, and something you should remember.”

Ed hummed in acknowledgement. It wasn’t quite his fantasy of bathing together, but it was nice. He helped a little with tidying things, and then they both collapsed onto the bed.

It was so soft, Ed almost fell asleep immediately, but he glanced at Oswald first. He spared a moment to appreciate his teacher, and then smiled.

“Today was a good day.”

Oswald snorted, still looking at the ceiling. “Alright? I mean, I guess it was pretty nice. Ugh, but I just know my shoulder’s going to hate me tomorrow.”

Ed made a mental note to offer Oswald a massage in the morning. He continued to stare and felt this strange pull to lean over and kiss Oswald. However, just as he started to move, Oswald turned onto his side and yawned.

“Goodnight.”

Ed flopped onto his own side. “Goodnight, Oswald.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is going to be an "Edward Nygma Sunday Funday" with plenty of fluff to go around! And maybe a smidge of smut at the end...which made this chapter so long, whoops.

Slowly waking from his slumber, Ed looked at his clock. He closed his eyes again, but then snapped them open a moment later. He was late! He’d overslept by at least two hours, he was- Just as he’d flung off his covers and sat up he was hit by a realization...it was Saturday. As he let out a sigh, he heard grumbling and shifting behind him. He looked over to see Oswald fighting with the covers that had been thrown onto him.

Ed helped untangle him. “S-Sorry Oswald.”

His bedmate fixed him with a grumpy look. “What are you doing up so early anyway? It’s the fucking weekend.”

“It’s only ten…” That wasn’t the point. What Ed needed to focus on was what sort of excuse he was going to use. He couldn’t admit his blunder to Oswald so he had to think of something plausible. “I um…I...I was going to make breakfast!”

“Humph. Well then,” Oswald laid back down, “wake me up again when you’re done.”

He pulled the blankets up over his head before Ed could say any more. It was surprising, if not a little alarming, how much Oswald could sleep. Ed liked to think Oswald didn’t get a lot of sleep as the King of Gotham, so now this was his chance. That theory also implied that Oswald felt safe here, enough to sleep for long periods of time without needing one eye open. Whether any of that was true or not, it made Ed feel better about being a host. The way Oswald always complimented his food also made him feel better.

Ed got to work in the kitchen. He’d been beyond flattered last night when Oswald wouldn’t stop talking about what a great chef Edward was. The chicken, the cheesecake...the shower of compliments was something Ed wasn’t used to, but as much as he liked hearing how much Oswald enjoyed his cooking, he liked to  _ see _ it more. The way Oswald licked his lips before each bite and closed his eyes to savor them, and Ed would watch everytime he swallowed. Ed enjoyed Oswald’s enjoyment because it continued to reassure him that Oswald liked being here. Ed smiled as he went about his task, but when he went to set the table his face fell.

The body. How did he forget to take care of the body lying in the middle of his floor? Although, thinking about Oswald was very distracting. Well, breakfast was almost ready so there wasn’t much that could be done about it now. He moved the body closer to the door and then washed his hands before going back to the kitchen. Once he had everything plated he tip-toed over to the bed.

Oswald was just a heap of covers so Ed wasn’t sure what the most efficient way to wake him up would be. If his face were showing Ed might’ve considered a kiss, like something out of a fairytale, but just the mere thought made him nervous. So, he went for the tried and true method of putting his hands on the heap and shaking gently. With more grumbling and rustling, Oswald sat up. Ed smiled warmly.

“Good morning...again.”

Oswald looked at him and the corner of her mouth tugged up. “Good morning, again.” He got out of bed, but paused before he went to the kitchen. “You just put it in front of the door?”

Ed glanced at the corpse, but then guided Oswald towards the table. “J-Just for now. Don’t worry about it, I’ll dispose of it in the woods after breakfast.”

They sat down and Ed assembled two breakfast sandwiches for them. Oswald continued to look at the body. “Hm...maybe I could come with.”

If Ed had taken his first bite he might’ve choked. “You...you’d want to help me bury the body?”

“Well, I don’t really want to do the burying, but I’d provide guidance and moral support.” Oswald smiled, and it was probably the brightest smiled Ed had seen on him.

Nothing would make Ed happier than burying a body with The Penguin, especially given how excited he looked! Even if Ed was the only one digging he would love to have Oswald there with him. Maybe he could get some tips he hadn’t thought of, or he could tell all sorts of death themed riddles and jokes to pass the time. Depending on how long they stayed in the woods they could make a picnic out of it too! Ed smiled thinking about the possibility, it could be like a redo of the night they met when he set out a ceremonial picnic for Kristen’s burial. He remembered his missing sandwich and searching for the thief, only to discover Mr. Penguin himself and have him fall into Ed’s arms pleading for help to get away from Gal-

As he thought about, Ed’s smile faded. “As wonderful as that sounds...I don’t think it would be wise for you to leave.”

Disappointment overshadowed Oswald’s face. “No? It’s in the middle of the woods, I don’t think there would be a lot of traffic.”

“True, but you also left your getaway car out there, and since no one’s seen you since it’s not unlikely that Galavan would have the area under surveillance. I mean, if your enemy was last spotted in the woods, wouldn’t you be on the lookout?”

Oswald slumped back in his chair and grumbled. “I would.”

Oh Ed hated seeing that look on Oswald, and he wanted to do something to erase it, but it was too dangerous to let Oswald out of the apartment. Maybe they could bring the body down to the car together, that wouldn’t be too much of a risk...but it would still be a risk nonetheless. Not to mention, he wouldn’t want Oswald to exert himself doing heavy lifting or walking up and down stairs.

Ed tried for some positivity. “But after you kill Galavan there’ll be plenty of opportunities for us to bury bodies!”

That got Oswald to raise his head, and he looked at Ed with big eyes. It was a look that made Ed’s heart stop, unsure of what the other man was thinking. After a moment a small smile crossed Oswald’s lips.

“Yes, of course.” Then he picked up his sandwich and took a bite.

Ed, relieved by the answer, started to eat his breakfast as well.

When they finished, it was time to move the body. Oswald looked a little down when Ed slid the door closed, but there was no choice. Still, Ed couldn’t stop thinking of their brief conversation and he wanted to make it up to Oswald somehow. He could maybe get them another victim, but that’s something that requires forethought planning. He had to make staying inside fun somehow.

Ed continued to think about what to do as he filled in the grave and drove back to the apartment. He slid open the door and saw Oswald laying on the couch with his head over the armrest. He didn’t even move when Ed walked in.

“I think that crack in your wall has grown since you left.”

“I’m sorry if I took a while, but it’s not easy to dig a hole in half-frozen dirt.”

Oswald didn’t say anything comprehensible, but he mumbled. Ed walked over and looked down at him.

“But not to worry, I spent that time thinking of how we’re going to spend the rest of the day.”

“Oh?” Oswald moved a little.

“Mhm, I’m going to give you a trademarked Edward Nygma Sunday funday!”

Oswald stared at him and narrowed his eyes. “Again...it’s Saturday. I at least know my days.”

“Yeah but...the rhyme…”

Oswald groaned and flopped back down. Ed walked around to the front of the couch and pulled on Oswald’s wrists.

“Oh come, it won't be that bad! First I need you to move to the dining table.”

“Ughh…”

Ed let go and put his hands on his hips. “Please? Or will I have to carry you?”

Oswald glared a moment, but then he slowly pushed himself up. He stood and gave one more grumpy look before heading towards the chairs. Ed smiled and went to grab a box from one of his shelves. Then he paraded it back to the table. He put it down triumphantly.

“We’re going to start off with a puzzle!”

There was silence as Oswald looked between Ed and the box. Finally he pursed his lips to say one word. “No.”

“Just try it!”

“I don’t need to  _ try _ it. It’s not a new food, it’s a puzzle. I’ve done a puzzle before, and I like them about as much as I like riddles.”

“There is no need to bring riddles into this. Now come on, give it a chance. I mean, what else are you going to do? Stare at the wall some more?”

Oswald crossed his arms. “Fine, but I’m only going to do the edge pieces, and I’ll ask that the TV be on.”

“I don’t know, that might be a distraction.”

“Exactly.”

Ed frowned a little, but he obliged. Although he turned it on and changed it to  _ his _ favorite channel.

Oswald glanced over and whined. “Documentaries? Really?”

“It’s all part of the experience.”

“Ugh… How long does it take to bury a body again? Because I think I have one here.”

“Very funny,” Ed dumped the pieces onto the table, “but this’ll only be over when we finish it. So if I were you, I’d start working on those edges.”

Oswald didn’t complain through any more of their puzzling, at least not verbally. He did sometimes just push pieces around the table, or stare at the picture on the box. Most of the time though, he would watch the TV on the side. Ed caught his distracted gaze and turned to look himself.

“Oh penguins!”

“Huh?” Oswald gasped a bit as if he were startled by Ed’s voice. “Oh, yeah. It’s the...the King Penguin.”

“King Penguins? Very fitting.” Ed looked across the table to see Oswald roll his eyes. “Did you know-”

“That male penguins keep their eggs warm by balancing them on their feet? Yeah, I think I’ve heard that one before.”

He  _ remembered _ . Ed smiled to himself, and then cleared his throat. “As if I’d repeat a fact. No, I was going to ask if you knew that the pupils of King Penguins’-”

“Are square?” Oswald paused, probably staring at Ed’s baffled expression. Then he shrugged. “Although that’s only when they’re constricted.”

Ed had to pick his jaw off the floor. “O-Oh. Yes.”

Then Oswald leaned forward with a slightly mischievous grin. “Now, did  _ you _ know that King Penguins are considered the supermodels of penguins, because they’re slender and elegant?”

Once more Ed was taken aback. No one had beaten him to a fact before, much less  _ tell _ him one. He felt a fluttering in his chest. Maybe that’s what gave him the confidence to lean in with a smirk of his own.

“Well, I’ve only met one  _ King Penguin _ in my life...but I can confirm that’s true.”

He wasn’t very good at flirting, but he noticed Oswald’s eyes widen before glancing away, and Ed figured that meant he was doing alright. He also thought he saw a dusting of pink on Oswald’s cheeks.

However, then Oswald leaned back in his chair, focusing on the puzzle. This reaction was a puzzle in itself, had Ed accidentally embarrassed him? Was Oswald flattered or offended? Unable to reach a conclusion, Ed also turned back to the pieces before them. He certainly didn’t mean to upset Oswald, this whole thing was supposed to be fun for them, and...and he thought they were having a nice moment there.

They didn’t speak much after that, they just slowly put the picture together while a soft-spoken narrator walked them through the lives of different kinds of penguins. Ed eventually started asking more questions about Oswald’s criminal past and that ushered in a new wave of conversation. Oswald told stories, both good and bad, but Ed was just relieved they were talking casually again. Maybe he could ask about what he did wrong back there, Oswald had encouraged him to be open, that they could talk about anything. Later, if he asked at all it would be later.

Ed hadn’t looked at a clock before they started, but their activity had taken longer than expected. Of course that was based off of Ed’s ability to do a puzzle by himself, working with Oswald is what slowed him down. Despite declaring he’d only work around the edge, Oswald had tried to help with the middle and that’s where they ran into trouble. Ed didn’t really mind how much time it took though because it was all well spent, as any time with Oswald was.

By the end they had a lovely picture of two birds perched on a branch, each one with vibrant green feathers and purple breasts, and surrounded by tropical feathers. It was one of Ed’s favorites for its complexity, but he’d mostly picked it for its subject matter since he knew Oswald liked birds. Although just now, Ed also valued it for the color scheme. He’d never noticed how much green and purple there was before, but it made him smile seeing that the project he did with Oswald had both of their colors in it. As he was admiring the scene, the fruit of their labor, it was destroyed. Ed gasped and looked up at Oswald, who was tearing the pieces apart.

“What are you doing?”

Oswald stopped. “What do you mean?”

“Y-You’re wrecking it!”

“Yes? We finished it, what else is there to do?”

“W-Well...well don’t you want to look at it?”

Oswald glanced down and then back to Ed. “I looked at it when we finished it. It was nice. I can also look at the box whenever I want to see the picture.”

“But what about all the hard work that went into it?”

“It’s...a puzzle. You can just put it back together, that’s the point. You’ve done this one before so at some time you’ve had to have broken it apart.”

Ed met Oswald’s eyes and swallowed, making himself relax. “T-That’s...true.”

Oswald then went back to tearing apart the pieces, and Ed slowly joined him. As they deconstructed the picture and scooped the pieces into the box, their hands would touch every so often...so it wasn’t all bad. Once it was all boxed up and put away, Ed guided Oswald over to the couch.

“Next on the agenda is-”

“Sitting and doing nothing? Please?” Oswald flopped down.

Ed switched channels on the TV and did some plugging in. “Nope, it’s one of my favorite things...video games!”

He offered the controller with a bright smile. Oswald looked at it with a frown. “Are...are you serious?”

Ed sat down next to him. “Give it a chance, the experience can be quite calming."

"Who says I need to calm down?" Oswald raised his voice.

Ed paused, staring for a moment. "Just try it, please? It'll be fun, I promise."

With a scowl, Oswald snatched the controller. "Alright, alright. How does this work now?"

Ed scooted closer, excited to share his knowledge. “Okay I’ve already started this playthrough so you’re a few levels in, but it shouldn’t be that hard. The first thing you want to do is move the joystick forward to walk...no actually it’s the  _ other _ joystick, that one moves your camera. So walk forward...a little farther, you’ve got a ways to go before-”

“What the hell is that?”

“Yep, these are the enemies you encounter. Now before they notice you, let me explain-”

“Charge!”

“Oswald, wait!” Ed watched him run right into the danger. “Okay, okay fighting is pretty simple, just press square for melee and then hold R1 to shoot-”

Oswald was half-listening while he pressed random buttons and ran his character around the screen. “What do you mean? How many Rs and Ls are there? How do I kill these guys?”

“No, not that, not that! Use a medkit, it’s-it’s in your inventory. You have to press the directional buttons to cycle...no not the joystick, the  _ buttons _ !”

“I’m pressing the buttons!”

“But not-”

The character screamed and the screen faded out. Oswald huffed and leaned back with the controller in his lap. He shot Ed a glance. Not wanting to face that burning gaze, Ed stared at the screen.

“Um...I  _ did _ tell you to wait for me to explain before- Ow!” He rubbed his arm where Oswald punched him. “You can try again!”

“I don’t want to try again, I hate this! It’s too hard.”

“That’s because you’re just starting. I wasn’t very good at killing people at first, but I’ve been learning.”

Oswald groaned again. “Yeah, well killing people in real life is much easier than this.”

Ed moved just a little closer until their knees barely touched. “I’ll explain it again, just give it one more chance.”

Oswald met Ed’s eyes and held the gaze for a long time. Then he looked down to the controller in his lap and then the TV screen. He looked at Ed once more and sighed.

“Fine...but don’t you dare let me die again.”

“I won’t,” Ed smiled, “I promise.”

This time, Oswald had enough patience to let Edward explain how to fight and defend. They worked their way through the level and then onto the next. Once Oswald had the hang of it, Ed didn’t back away, but he did relax. He would sometimes watch the screen, but he would mostly watch Oswald’s face, seeing how into the game he got. The way he would bite his lip during a difficult battle, lean left and right as he ran his character around, or pump a fist in the air when he made a difficult jump. It was adorable, and Ed felt a warmth throughout his chest. He hadn’t been able to share his interests before, and it meant so much to have someone participate...and appear to enjoy it.

After completing the dreaded water level with plenty of swimming and squid fights. Oswald put down the controller.

“Well...I don’t think I could make it through another one of those. When was the pizza supposed to be here?”

Ed first looked to his wrist, but then remembered he was still in his pajamas so he wasn’t even wearing a watch. So instead, he took a wild guess. “Uh...I think...right about...now?”

There was a knock at the door. Ed was quick to get up and Oswald was quick to slump down, trying to go unnoticed. Thankfully it was a speedy transaction and Ed was soon back at the sofa with a steaming pizza.

“Ta-da, one pepperoni pizza.”

“Finally, I’m starving!” Oswald picked up a slice and took a bite. “Mmm...I can’t remember the last time I’ve had pizza.”

Ed chuckled as he picked up his own piece. “High ranking mobsters don’t have pizza parties?”

“No, but it’s something I should start when I get back.” Oswald took a few more big bites andhis s;ice was gone. He grabbed another and started chowing down. “So what’s your next activity for the night?”

“Well...it’s not much different than what we just did. I was thinking...now that you have some experience with video games, we could...play a different one? Against each other?”

“Oh really? You think I’m ready for that?”

“If you’re up for it.”

“Hm…” Oswald chewed, contemplating it, “sure, what the hell. If I could learn one game I can learn another.”

Ed smiled and walked to swap out the games. Then he sat next to Oswald with his own controller, a giddiness in his voice. “So I’ve never been able to play the two-player version, but it’s just fighting each other so it shouldn’t be that hard.”

“Wait, you haven’t played this either? Does that mean I have a chance?”

“Um…as I said, I haven’t played against another  _ person _ .” He looked a little embarrassed. “But I’m pretty good against the computer. I’ll go easy on you the first round.”

Oswald scoffed and nudged him. “Don’t you dare! If this were a real fight, there’d be no  _ going easy _ . Give me your worst...I mean best.”

Ed chuckled and shrugged. “Alright.”

He explained the actions to Oswald and then started the round. It was over in less than a minute. Oswald punched Ed’s arm.

“You killed me!”

“You told me to do my best!”

“And what? You do everything I say?”

“Yes?”

Oswald kept his glare for a moment...and then it faded to a smile. “Good. Just don’t kill me again.”

“Alright so, don’t go easy on you, but don’t kill you?”

“Exaclty.” Oswald winked.

They started another match. This one lasted closer to two minutes. Ed received another swift punch to the arm, but it wasn’t as hard as the last one, and resulted in both of them laughing. Every match got longer and longer as Oswald got better and better.

“God fucking dammit!” Oswald cried as his health bar dropped to zero. “You’re cheating! Somehow you’re cheating!”

Ed leaned forward to pick up a piece of pizza. “Yep. You caught me.”

“Wait, actually?”

“Mhm.” Ed swallowed and then held his controller between them. “You see I have a method…”

Oswald moved in, staring intently at the controller. Ed fought a smile, trying to remain serious. “I press these buttons in this order, and then here’s where the trick comes in. I call it...being good at this game.”

There was a deafening silence while Oswald processed the words. Then he slowly lifted his head to shoot daggers at Ed, who now couldn’t repress his grin. Oswald glared a moment longer...and then he pounced. He tackled Ed with punches that did little real damage.

“Asshole! You snarky son of a bitch! You goddamn...fucking… I’m going to kill you, I will strangle you with this cord I swear to God!”

Despite being attacked, Ed couldn’t help but laugh. Oswald clambering all over him was more ticklish than hurtful, and he didn’t mind the physical contact either. To quell the sore loser, Ed wrapped his long arms around Oswald until he stopped struggling. Oswald was still frowning when he looked at Ed, but all Ed could do was gaze back into his eyes and smile.

They stayed in that embrace for a while before Ed let his eyes wander to Oswald’s lips where he saw a smirk. Then Oswald shoved Ed’s chest to push himself back up.

“Jerk.” Oswald muttered as he picked up his controller. “I’ll get you soon, and that’s both a promise and a threat.”

“Uh huh, mark me down as being scared.” Ed righted himself and started the next round.

It was a pretty even match, for now. Ed wasn’t concerned, he knew exactly what he was doing. His hands gripped the controller as he pressed a flurry of buttons. Speaking of hands however, one brushed his thigh. It was quick, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

Ed shot a look at Oswald, but he didn't see anything unusual. Oswald was as into the game as earlier, tilting the controller and such. Maybe Ed had imagined-

There was a sound on the screen that drew Ed's attention back. He saw his character go flying through the air and hit the edge of the screen.

"Curses!" Ed smashed a series of buttons to get himself back into the fight.

He hit Oswald's character with a flurry of punches and kicks. Then Oswald started jumping and dodging around the arena. Back to his playing style, he leaned side to side as he ran. Then he leaned far enough that he pressed himself into Ed.

While Ed didn't push him away, he had to play around Oswald. "You're doing that on purpose!"

"Doing what? I'm just playing the game."

"No you're not! You're trying to district me."

"Clearly I'm not since it's not working."

"So you admit it?"

"I'm admitting to nothing. Like I said, I'm just playing the game."

Already leaning on Ed, it was easy for Oswald to surge forward and kiss him. It caught Ed by surprise and he let out a squeak. Even more surprising though, was when Oswald pressed a hand into his crotch...now that got a moan. Ed let himself relax against Oswald's lips and touch. Oswald removed his hand, but then he slipped his tongue into Ed's mouth. It tasted a little like pepperoni and garlic, but that was to be expected.

There was another loud noise, and then Oswald pulled away. Ed opened his eyes and saw Oswald jump off the couch. Then he looked at the screen and read 'Player Two Wins'. Ed's jaw dropped.

Oswald raised both fists in success. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Ha, take  _ that _ !"

He pointed a finger at Ed and then resumed his victory dance. "I win, you lose. Not the master of video games anymore, huh? I won, I won!"

"Yeah," Ed put a bit of snark on his words, "because you cheated."

"Or maybe you're not as good as you thought. An expert wouldn't have been distracted by a little kiss." Oswald plopped down and jokingly puckered his lips.

"I wouldn't call that a  _ little _ kiss, that was a deliberate attack. I mean how would you react if I stuck my hand between your legs?"

Ed meant it to be snappy, but judging by the glint in Oswald's eyes, it wasn't taken that way. Oswald leaned over with a slick smile.

"Why don't you find out?"

A blush spread across Ed’s face like a wildfire. They’d had sex several times, but he still got so flustered at the thought of touching Oswald in any capacity. “Uh...um…”

“Come on,” Oswald gently grabbed Ed’s wrist and guided his hand to his lap, “it’s not hard. Well...not yet.”

Ed caught a wink before he looked down at his hand, now free from the grip on his wrist. He felt the fabric of Oswald’s pajama pants, technically  _ his _ pajama pants, but they felt unique to Oswald now. The soft material was heavenly under his fingers as he moved them ever so slightly. Although most of the movement just came from how jittery he was.

However, he froze when Oswald put his own hand into Ed’s lap. “Maybe it would be better if you followed my lead.”

“Y-Yeah, maybe.”

“Mhm.” Oswald started by rubbing his whole hand against Ed’s pants. He’d add a little pressure every now and then, or a massaging squeeze. “Seems a fair trade. You teach me about video games, and I teach you how to manhandle a dick.”

Ed laughed a little as he started copying his teacher. “I don’t know, those video games are pretty difficult. I mean, you couldn’t win until-”

There was a particularly hard squeeze that made Ed yelp, but Oswald kept an amused smile. “I’m going to stop you there; give you a moment to consider your position.”

Put in his place, Ed pressed his lips together. Then Oswald stopped palming him to slip his hand under Ed’s waistband. His fingers barely touched the skin underneath, but it was enough to make Ed’s breath hitch. After the initial reaction, he did the same to Oswald. The elastic was easy to slide past, and if he thought the pajama pants felt nice, brushing against Oswald’s cock was perfect. He wanted to feel all of it though, not what was restricted by the clothing.

“C-Can I…” Ed started, but it was tough to get out. He felt embarrassed to ask, and it was difficult to think with Oswald’s hand rubbing against him.

“What? Are you going to ask to kiss me again?” Oswald scoffed. “Why is it everytime I touch your dick you want to kiss me?”

Ed briefly recalled their first time on this couch, it felt lik a long time ago, yet he wasn’t any less nervous around Oswald. Additional pressure on his cock pulled him from the memory. He replied with a light moan.

“B-Because...I, ah, always want to kiss you.” He met Oswald’s eyes and saw them widen just a little. Then, deciding to try bravery for once, Ed surged forward to meet his lips.

If Oswald was caught off-guard he didn’t show it. Instead, he gracefully moved his mouth against Ed’s. As they kissed, their hands didn’t stop, roaming over each other. They broke apart and Oswald groaned, pushing his hips into Ed's hand. That’s when Ed remembered his original question.

“Oswald, can I...take off your pants?”

This was met by a loud laugh. Which was followed by another laugh, one so big that Oswald actually pulled away. Ed felt his face getting hot and he held his hands together, shying away. What an idiot, and Oswald just kept laughing at him. Until, there was a snort. Ed looked over to see Oswald covering his mouth, stifling any more noise. Now this made Ed start to chuckle...until Oswald elbowed him.

“Shut up! You didn’t hear anything!”

“No, certainly not.” Ed pressed his lips together to stop his smile, and it did stop. “I uh...I’m also sorry about...about such a dumb question.”

Oswald scoffed. “It was a pretty dumb question.” Then he shifted closer to Ed again, bringing their faces together as he leaned on Ed’s thigh. “Because you should’ve known the answer would be  **yes** .”

The affirmation was accompanied by a squeeze to his thigh. Thankfully Ed was already blushing or else that would’ve done it. He looked at Oswald’s face a moment, and then rushed forward to kiss him. Immediately, Oswald kissed him back with more fevor, putting a hand on the back of his neck to deepen it. Meanwhile, his other hand trailed down Ed’s chest. Ed assumed he was going for his pants, but instead Oswald slipped his fingers under Ed’s shirt, traveling back up. The fabric bunched around his hand the further he went, until Oswald broke their kisses to take the shirt off completely. As soon as it was cast aside, Oswald dipped his head to lick and nip at the exposed skin.

Ed moaned, that warm feeling returning to the pit of stomach. He had one arm wrapped around Oswald, and the other moved down so he could tug on Oswald’s waistband. With a smile, Oswald helped to shimmy out of his pants and underwear, he was half-hard already. Ed got a good look before he reached out to grab Oswald’s cock and give it a few strokes.

Oswald closed his eyes. “Mmm…”

When he opened them, they were full of the same lust Ed was getting used to seeing. Then Oswald moved his hands down to Ed’s hips, working on undressing him further. Working together, with some kisses in between, they got his pants down to his knees. Oswald glanced down, and then, with little hesitation, he leaned over to wrap his lips aroung Ed’s leaking tip.

Ed gasped, but it was cut short when Oswald quickly covered Ed’s mouth with his own. With Oswald’s tongue moving against his, Ed could taste a little of himself and it was an odd experience, but an interesting one too. Oswald broke away and then resettled himself straddling Ed’s lap.

Like before, Ed wrapped one arm around Oswald’s back, pulling him closer so their erections brushed against each other. They both groaned, and then Ed took Oswald’s cock in his hand again, sliding up and down.

Oswald did the same, but after a few quick pumps, he let his fingers trail over Ed’s member. His touches were sometimes firm and sometimes feather-light. He ran his index finger along a vein, all the way up, using his nail toward the end. Ed winced, taking in a sharp breath. Then Oswald circled the head with his middle finger a few times before pressing gently on the tip with his thumb. He chuckled, low, as Ed bucked his hips, chasing the feeling.

“You’re easier to control than that joystick.”

Ed squeezed his eyes shut, both from pleasure and displeasure. “Please...please don’t compare this to video games.”

“Why not? It  _ is _ similar.” He grabbed Ed’s shaft. “Up, down, side…”

“Nn...stop it.” It didn’t sound the most convincing, but then again it wasn’t  _ terrible _ having Oswald controlling his cock, accompanying the movements with easy strokes.

“And then we have the buttons…”

“W-What do you-”

“ _ Here _ ,” Oswald gave one nipple a tweak, “and  _ here _ .”

Ed whined, which only made Oswald chuckle. “See? Quite like a video game.”

Getting some retribution, Ed pulled him close so their bodies were pressed together, their noses an inch apart. “Well then...by that logic...it should be easy for me to beat you.”

A smirk formed on Oswald’s lips. “Really? Because it seems like I’m already in the lead.”

He trailed one finger up Ed’s cock, giving a little flick at the end. Ed fought the moan wanting to come out. He wasn’t going to take this challenge lightly, especially now that his honor was involved. Ed grasped Oswald’s cock and started pumping it in his fist, making a change to their current pace.

Oswald gasped, a shudder going through him. Then he turned on Ed with a devilish smile, leaning in again to nip at his lower lip.

“It’s about time we got to the next level.” He emphasized his point with a hard squeeze to Ed’s member and another biting kiss.

It was the wording that really got Ed, or at least partially. He knew it was just an innuendo to go with the gaming theme they now had, but he thought about its other connotations. It was usually a phrase to describe levels in a relationship with someone, typically used for couples, and even more specifically when moving onto sex. So, hypothetically, what level would be next for him and Oswald?

His thoughts dissipated when Oswald rocked into him. It got a moan from both of them as their hands and cocks moved against each other for a different kind of friction. It was a kind of friction Ed wanted more of. He took Oswald’s wrist this time, pulling away both their hands before thrusting their hips together again.

Oswald continued the motion, but let his head tilt back. “Oh, fuck.”

Seeing an opportunity to score more points, Ed went for the neck. He intended to lick a stripe from collarbone to chin, but halfway through Oswald’s hand flew to his hair and held him in place. Oswald’s grip was tight, so with limited options, Ed resorted to kissing and sucking the delicate skin. He could feel when Oswald spoke, panting.

“Y-Yes...yes, ah…”

Then he yanked Ed away to claim his lips in an open-mouthed kiss. Their tongues slid together, similar to their cocks as they still rutted against each other. Ed couldn’t tell where Oswald was at, but he knew he was getting close himself. He reached one hand down to try to stave it off, but he met Oswald’s hand at the same time.

They broke apart for a moment, looking a little surprised. Ed chuckled softly. “Why hello.”

“Hello,” Oswald smiled, “ _ come _ here often?”

“Only after you.”

“Mm, we’ll see about that.”

Ed lowered his hand again, but Oswald caught his wrist this time. Ed scoffed as Oswald brought his hand to his lips.

“So you’re going to cheat now too?”

“I’m not cheating, I’m helping.” With a wink, Oswald kissed the tip of Ed’s middle finger.

Then he went further, sucking gently on the digit and swirling his tongue around it. He did the same for the rest, even licking at the palm. Ed groaned, he wasn’t sure what the purpose was, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy it. Then things became clearer as Oswald brought Ed’s hand to their cocks. It wasn’t the perfect lubrication, but it made it easier for Ed to slide his fingers up and down. With Oswald’s hand still on his, they were able to stroke each other in tandem, and  _ that _ felt incredible. 

Ed arched his back off the couch with a loud whine. Their cocks rubbing together with their hands on top of one another, it was hard to resist. It wasn’t at all like holding hands, Ed knew this, but he couldn’t help but find the situation somewhat intimate on more than one level. Oswald kissed him, continuing his ministations as well as rocking his hips. It both erotic and affectionate, and it was too much.

Just like their last game, Ed lost, coming all over his hand and Oswald’s. His other arm was wrapped firmly around Oswald’s waist and he held the other man close as his body shuddered. He felt Oswald smiled against his lips through their kiss, but then Oswald pulled away as his breath hitched, the sign of his own orgasm.

It was again a strange moment for Ed. Oswald was still straddling him, half-naked, with his hand wrapped around Ed’s softening cock. Then Ed in a similar predicament, looking into Oswald’s eyes, panting, with his hand also part of the mess. He didn’t really want to move, he kind of liked staying in this moment. The two of them embracing with a mixture of their come coating their hands that were still touching.

Oswald was the first to move. With a groan he slid off of Ed’s lap and just sat next to him on the couch. He took a deep breath.

“Looks like I win again.”

“Only because you cheated again.” The corner of Ed’s mouth turned up into a cheeky grin.

“W-Wha... _ cheated _ ?” Oswald turned with his mouth agape. “Excuse me?  _ How _ was that cheating? There was only one rule, and I followed it.”

“Uh huh.”

“Shut up. I won fair and square...this time.” He gave Ed a little nudge. “Now...what do I get as a reward.”

“I don’t remember us agreeing that the winner gets a reward.” Ed raised his eyebrow.

“Hm...I think I’d like breakfast in bed tomorrow. Waffles with strawberries and whipped cream.”

“Yeah...you know, I would’ve just  _ made _ you breakfast. You didn’t have to win anything for that.”

“Oh.” Oswald tapped his chin. “Well now I have to think of something else.”

Ed laughed and shook his head. “No, no. That was your declared reward, so that’s what you’re getting.”

“Come on, now who’s not being fair?”

“How about this,” he stood up and started collecting his clothes, “your reward is that you can go to bed instead of helping me clean up?”

“Deal.” Oswald was quick to respond. “I’ll grab you a washcloth, but then I am  _ out _ .”

Oswald did uphold his end, and both men cleaned themselves up and put on new pajamas. Then Ed was left to wipe down the couch and put away the video games as Oswald crawled into bed. As Ed tidied up, he tried to be as quiet as possible. He gently set the controllers on the TV stand so they didn’t make any noise as they were placed on the wood. However, there was a  _ different _ kind of noise, a voice.

“So, enjoy your little games today?” It was the voice of Dark Ed, his reflection in the blank TV screen.

Ed turned around, first surprised and then standoffish. “Yes, what’s it to you?”

“Oh nothing.” The other stepped forward. “Just wondering if you're up for another game, a guessing game?”

“W-What do you mean?”

“I  _ mean _ ...you’re still  _ missing _ something, Ed, and I want you to guess what it is.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “This again? I thought I already solved it. It had to do with the...the kinks, right? That’s what I was denying myself?”

“Er!” Dark Ed crossed his arms in an ‘x’. “Wrong. There’s still something you haven’t figured out.”

“What? What is it?” Ed stood up.

His other pouted. “Aw, I’m sorry, but that’s not how the game works. I can’t just  _ tell _ you the answer. Keep trying though, I have a feeling you’re getting close.”

“What do you-”

Oswald made a sound and Ed looked over. When he looked back he was the only Edward in the room. He sighed and went to turn off the lamp. Then he tiptoed to the bed and slid under the covers. He glanced over at Oswald, curled up on the other side snoring, and he relaxed. He could ponder Dark Ed’s words tomorrow.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed had his day of activities, and now Oswald's begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to get SOMETHING done on Valentine's day!!

Ed woke up refreshed and full of energy. He practically skipped into the kitchen to start cooking. He just had the most wonderful dream where he and Oswald were video game characters blasting their way through Gotham. Once they defeated the boss and claimed the trophy, Oswald had handed it to Ed with the kindest smile saying that he was going to share it with his ‘player two’. Ed had never been someone’s player two before, he’d only ever played by himself, all alone.

When he first woke up he thought he was cuddling with Oswald, but that was still part of his dream, in reality it was just bunched up covers. He didn’t mind too much though because at least Oswald was still there, just on the other side of the bed. There was a moment where the conversation with Dark Ed crossed his mind, but then he quickly pushed it away.

He felt much better when he was mixing batter, or whipping up cream. He tried to be as quiet as possible, even opting for a whisk to avoid using the electric mixer, he thought it had a nicer consistency this way too. Just as he topped the first waffle with cream, he heard the tell-tale sounds of Oswald starting to wake up. Ed carefully placed a few sliced strawberries to finish it off and make the plate pretty before carrying the food over on a tray, along with syrup and apple juice.

Oswald sat up and rubbed his eyes, but he stopped when Ed sat on the edge of the bed. He looked at the tray and laughed, still sleepy. “What...what is this?”

“Breakfast in bed, per your request.”

“I was joking! You...you didn’t have to do this.”

He wanted to reply that he would do anything for his ‘player one’, but then he remembered that was just his dream. “Nonsense,” he waved his hand, “I-I needed breakfast suggestions anyway.”

Oswald picked up a strawberry and swiped it through the dollop of whipped cream before popping it into his mouth. “Mm… Ed, really this...this is too much, you’re too nice. I feel so spoiled.”

“It’s just some waffles and fruit.” He had to say something basic to keep from blushing. He would love to spoil Oswald everyday, and he would’ve spoiled Kristen if she had let him.

“I appreciate it regardless, I could never make something like this.” Oswald picked up his fork and knife, but then paused. “Ed, is...is this waffle made of hearts?”

And there was the blush. Ed stammered out an answer. “Y-Yes. It um...it’s a Norwegian iron and I...well I find they get crispier this way. You see because they’re a, a little thinner than other waffles, but the iron I have doesn’t make them so thin that they lose the soft…”

Oswald stared at him until he shut up. “Thank you, Ed.”

“Y-You’re welcome.” Ed smiled and then got up to get himself a plate.

He fixed up a tray for himself and sat on the other side of the bed. He rarely ate in bed, and if he did he always felt ashamed of it, but it felt different with Oswald. This time it felt comforting, like Ed could stay in bed all day. After seconds on waffles and fruit, they both relaxed against the headboard.

Ed would’ve liked to reach out and invite Oswald to cuddle, but then he thought that might be too awkward for their friendship, although if Oswald would be the one offering Ed wouldn’t find it awkward. So maybe it wouldn’t be that weird, and it wasn’t like they weren’t close on the daily...or nightly to be more accurate. Yeah, it wouldn’t be weird to at least offer. However, as Ed turned, his leg bumped into his tray and almost sent it toppling over. He was lucky enough to catch it, but not before a strawberry bounced off. He quickly reached for it, but so did Oswald. Their hands touched and their eyes met.

Then Oswald took his hand off Ed’s. “Beat me to it.”

“Oh uh, yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make a mess.” Ed put it back on his plate.

“Wait, you’re not even going to eat it?”

“No I-I’m good on fruit right now.”

“Well I’ll eat it.” Oswald held out his hand, but when Ed started to give it, he pulled back. “Do you have more whipped cream on your plate too? Come on, don’t let that go to waste.”

Ed smiled and used the strawberry to swipe up the remaining cream. Then he held it out to Oswald, but now they had a new problem. There was no good way for Oswald to get a grip on it without whipped cream getting all over. It might be a small problem, and Oswald probably didn’t even care, but Ed did.

“W-Would it be easier if I feed it to you?”

Oswald stopped trying to pinch the strawberry and looked up. He seemed stunned for a moment, but then he chuckled. “It might be.”

He straightened up like some member of royalty, adding a haughty smile. “I really am getting so spoiled, it’s not everyday a man offers to feed me fruit. It’s like I’m one of those...Greek gods, or whoever.”

It was fitting, Oswald was worthy of worship, and Ed was happy to be the priest. He moved the strawberry closer to Oswald’s mouth and watched his tongue dart out before those beautiful lips parted. When it was close enough, Oswald licked a little bit of cream off before making eye contact with Ed and taking a slow bite.

Now Ed was thankful for the tray over his lap, maybe it would hide any tents in the sheets. Especially with the way Oswald swallowed and licked his lips again.

“Mm...thanks.”

“Ye-, um...yeah, no problem.”

Ed disposed of the top onto his plate. Then he felt a weight on his thigh and looked over to see Oswald leaning in with a smirk.

“So, how about we make this a  _ real _ Sunday funday?”

Ed was once again a blushing mess. However, when Oswald beckoned him closer with a finger, he barely hesitated and was rewarded with a kiss. It was long and slow and sweet, the taste of sugar lingering on Oswald’s lips and tongue. They broke apart and Oswald grabbed his tray and moved it to the floor. Ed was quick to do the same, why didn’t he think of this sooner?

As he was straightening up, Oswald slipped his hands over Ed’s shoulders and kissed his temple down to his jaw. Ed smiled and tilted his head to meet Oswald’s lips. As they continued to kiss and nip at each other, Oswald started lifting Ed’s shirt over his head. When he raised his arms, Oswald took the opportunity to pull him onto the bed and straddle him. This was followed by more frenching, until Ed put his hands on Oswald’s arms.

“Whoah, I feel so behind here.” He chuckled. “You have to remember I need to undo all those buttons.”

“Then maybe you should give me a different shirt.”

“Or maybe you could just slow down.”

“Mmhm…” Oswald rubbed his hands over Ed’s shoulders, “I don’t do slow, Edward Nygma.”

“No? Then why does it take you so long to take a bath?”

“Um, because it’s a  _ bath _ ? You don’t run all that water just to drain it.”

“How about when you clear the table?”

Oswald rolled his eyes. “Alright, alright you got me. I don’t do  _ sex _ slow; it’s a special occasion if I do. Like when I offered it with my apology, because it’s also rare that I ever apologize.”

Ed moved his hands up to Oswald’s shoulders. “Hm...but didn’t you just say that it’s not everyday a man feeds you fruit? That sounds like a special occasion.”

Oswald smiled and then chuckled. “You really don’t forget anything.”

“So…?” Ed felt hopeful.

“So…” Oswald ran his hands down Ed’s chest, “I guess slower would fit with this lazy Sunday.”

Ed smiled brightly and he reached up to leisurely undo the buttons of the pajama top. Oswald smiled back at him, laughing a little as Ed took his sweet time removing the shirt, but it really was fun for Ed. It was like he was unwrapping a precious gift, getting to revel in revealing Oswald’s skin bit by bit. Each button was accompanied by a steamy gaze.

When the plaid shirt was finally on the floor, Ed put his hands on Oswald’s sides, rubbing them up and down. “You’re beautiful.”

Oswald scoffed, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he removed Ed’s hands and then removed himself from Ed’s lap. Ed started to wonder if he’d done something wrong, but when Oswald laid down on the other side of the bed, he still had a smile.

Ed crawled over, curious. “What is it?”

Oswald shrugged. “Well...I was just thinking we could stick to the pampering theme today.”

“Oh?”

Oswald flung out his arms in a dramatic fashion. “Yes. As the beautiful Greecian king that I am, I don’t think I should have to lift a finger for my own pleasure.”

Ed laughed. “No? You’re not going to do  _ anything _ ?”

“Nope.” Oswald pinched the bridge of Ed’s glasses and plucked them off. “That’s what I have my handsome harem boys for.”

“Isn’t that...wrong though? Isn’t sex about two willful participants?”

“Oh I am a willing participant, just not willing to  _ do _ anything...but I am willing to  _ receive _ . Excellent question though.”

Oswald laid back against the pillows and folded his hands behind his head, looking as relaxed as ever. Ed eyed him before crawling on top.

“You’re not even going to help me get your pants off?”

“You’re not strong enough to lift my hips? I thought you had muscles from carrying all those corpses.”

Ed scoffed and then got one arm under Oswald while tugging on his waistband with the other. It was a whole process, with lots of shimmying and giggling through Ed’s struggle. When Oswald was finally naked, Ed sighed.

“Well now I might be too tired to even have sex.”

“That’s a shame, but you wanted slow. If you wanted to change the pace, it might help.”

“No, no.” Ed leaned over and kissed him. “I just need some kisses to restore my energy.”

Oswald rolled his eyes and mumbled against Ed’s lips. “Oh my God…”

It made Ed laugh enough for them to break apart, then he removed the rest of his clothes before going back for more. Oswald certainly participated then, his tongue pretty much explored every inch of Ed’s mouth, but he missed Oswald’s touch.

He pulled away and looked down. “You’re not even going to put a hand in my hair?”

“Nope. Not lifting a finger. But...if my hand somehow got up there, it might be possible.”

Ed shook his head, but leaned over again. Their kisses became passionate once again and that’s when Ed grabbed Oswald’s wrists. He flung one arm over his shoulder and put the other on top of his head. He could feel Oswald laughing, but he could also feel Oswald’s hand rubbing his back, and his fingers getting tangled in the brown hair.

Ed’s kisses trailed down to Oswald’s neck. “I can’t believe you, you know.”

“Mm...you’ll hate me by the end of this.”

Ed bit at the skin and then whispered. “I could never hate you.”

The grip on his hair softened. “You say that now.”

It could’ve been a joking tone, but Ed still abandoned the developing mark to look at Oswald. Their eyes met and it was such a tender gaze. It only lasted a moment or two, and then Oswald smiled before letting his arms fall limp on the bed again. Ed smiled back and then sighed.

“Really?”

“Do you hate me yet?”

“Still no...but you’re making progress.” He placed a quick peck on Oswald’s lips. “Speaking of progress, I think we should take this a step further.”

“Whoah, that might be too fast. Aren’t you going to kiss me to death first?”

Ed chuckled and went to grab the bottle of lube. However, he may have yanked on the handle a little too hard because something rolled towards the front. Ed picked up the lube and the mystery object. It was silver, metal, and kind of cylindrical.

“Oh, you found it.”

He looked at Oswald. “What?”

The smaller man looked so smug. “I hid that in there a couple days ago, I’ve been waiting for you to notice. I’m glad it was today though, we could use it.”

“Sure, but  _ what _ is it?”

Oswald chuckled, but then he saw Ed’s confused expression. “Are...are you serious? Oh, you’re serious. Okay, then. You, um, you should press the button on the bottom.”

Ed put the bottle on the bed and then flipped the contraption over. There was a little switch at the bottom that he flicked. It started shaking in his hand and he dropped it with a shocked yelp. Now he understood.

“That was in the bag? Why would you have me buy that? I don’t need a...a vibrator!”

Ed picked up the sex toy and quickly turned it off. Oswald was covering his mouth he was laughing so hard.

“Oswald!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He didn’t seem that sorry as he went on to mock Ed’s reaction. “Ooo what  _ is _ this? Eee! It’s a...a  _ virbrator _ . What are you, like thirteen?” When he saw Ed frowning, he did ease up. “I’m sorry, really. I just can’t believe you didn’t know!”

“ _ Why _ would I know? Aren’t those usually for...women? What use would I have for a vibrator?”

“Oh...they come in all kinds, there’s one for everyone. As for uses...” Oswald raised himself to his elbows, “well right now would be a great time for a lesson.”

“It would?”

“Absolutely, I can break my oath of laziness for this. Come on, bring it here.”

Ed crawled over with the toy. Oswald sat up and took it, he started talking as he put some of the lube on it. “Okay, so this one can be internal or external; which is why I ordered it, it’s nice to have versatility. There’s really not much to show you since it’s pretty straightforward. You turn it on and then you can-”

With little warning he touched the cold metal tip to  _ Ed’s _ tip and Ed jumped back. “What are you doing?”

Oswald turned it off and raised an eyebrow. “What? It didn’t shock you, did it? Because it shouldn’t do that.”

“No, it just...I wasn’t… You can’t come at me with that thing!”

After a moment Oswald started chuckling. “You are too funny. Alright, alright I’ll give you a heads up this time.”

He did a quick fake-out, laughing at Ed’s skittishness again, and then apologizing some more. Oswald did go slow the next time, lightly touching the vibrator to Ed’s shaft and moving it along the length. It was still a little surprising at first, still colder than he would’ve liked, but after feeling the vibrations through his cock...he could see the appeal. Oswald teased him a bit longer, adding more pressure as he went, and then he pulled away.

“So? What’d you think?”

Ed took a short breath. “I...I think it was good. I liked it.”

“Yeah? It’s fun, isn’t it?” Oswald leaned forward and waggled the toy. “Should I give you an example of the internal use too?”

He blushed. “I um...I think I understand the principal.”

“Suit yourself.” Oswald handed it back to Ed, and then gave him a quick peck before falling back onto the pillows. “Alright...it’s all up for you.”

“Don’t you mean to-” He caught Oswald stroking himself. “Hilarious.”

“Mm, I never said I was great at wordplay.”

Ed still really appreciated the attempt, and leaned over to kiss Oswald. He kept it nice and slow, kissing him again and again like he never wanted to part from those lips. Finally Oswald turned his head to speak.

“Okay, okay, but could you hurry up? Just a little? Please?”

“I suppose. Although, I thought things were in  _ my _ hands now.” He made his point by wrapping his own hand around Oswald’s cock and pumping it slowly.

Oswald let his hand drop with a smile. “Wow, stealing my joke, how original.”

“I think I did it better than you.”

“Really? I can’t believe you wo- Ah!” He gasped a little as Ed squeezed and twisted.

“Can’t believe that I what?”

Oswald huffed. “That you haven’t opened that damn lube yet.”

“All in good time.” Ed kissed him quickly. “All in good time.”

What Ed said was true, he planned on taking his sweet time. He leisurely stroked Oswald’s cock from base to tip, base to tip, and he could tell that his pace was driving Oswald crazy. Finally, after enough squirming and thrusting from the other man, Ed removed his hand and picked up the bottle of lube. He squirted some on his fingers, a part of him still wanting to giggle at the weird feeling, but he managed to keep it together. He teased his finger around Oswald’s hole, again there was no sense of urgency.

“How long do you think I could keep doing this for?” Ed asked with a cheeky grin.

Oswald gritted his teeth. “As long as it takes me to find a knife.”

Ed chuckled, but then he started pushing in. Nice and slow as usual, really stretching Oswald out before adding another and another. At the third finger he slowed down even more, allowing Oswald all the time to adjust, maybe even too much as the man was practically trying to fuck himself on Ed’s fingers.

Ed pulled out and started to pour lube on his cock. “I thought you said you weren’t going to do  _ anything _ ? But you’ve certainly been moving a lot.”

“Well when  _ you’re _ doing nothing, you leave me no choice.”

“I’m getting around to it.” He lined himself up, but kept teasing Oswald a while longer. “I wanted to make sure you’re ready first.”

“I’ve been ready since breakfast.”

“I didn’t know breakfast was a turn on for you.”

Oswald dropped his irritated facade as he chuckled. “Oh it’s a  **big** one. Why else do you think it’s the most important meal?”

Ed smiled back and decided then and there that breakfast in bed would have to become a more common treat. He also decided that he’d kept Oswald waiting long enough, and started pushing in. Although, it was only shallow thrusts at first, going a little deeper each time.

Oswald broke his promise again by grabbing Ed’s face and dragging him down for a few rough kisses that were mostly teeth and pressure, and left Ed’s lips tingling. Oswald only stopped when Ed was buried fully inside him, then he moaned loudly into Ed’s mouth. It was hot enough to make Ed want to speed up and start fucking him like crazy, but he’d rather draw the moment out. So he did start moving in and out, but at a nice, even pace.

Oswald made his displeasure known by dropping his hands back to the mattress and trying to look disinterested. It seemed like Ed would have to give in a little, so he sped up his thrusts, hoping to get his partner more engaged. However, when he leaned in for a kiss, Oswald turned his head. Ah, so he was going to continue to be difficult.

Ed still gave him a peck on the cheek, but then he spotted something out of the corner of his eye. He raised himself and glanced at Oswald pouting beneath him before looking back at the vibrator on the bed. With an idea forming and a smile curling on his lips, Ed reached over and grabbed the toy. He turned it on, and it hummed to life, capturing Oswald’s attention.

“My…” Oswald fluttered his lashes in fake surprise, “what- _ ever _ are you going to do with that?”

“I’m not entirely sure yet.” Remembering how it felt for himself, Ed starts small, barely touching the tip to Oswald's cock. He smirked when the smaller man gasped a little. “But I hope it’ll be enjoyable.”

“Well you’re already doing a-ah...a good job of that.”

With that encouragement, Ed began experimenting with the positioning and pressure of the toy. He puts it alongside Oswald’s length, circling around and around, or moving it up and down.

Oswald twisted and whined. “You’re really hellbent on torturing me aren’t you? At least turn up the speed, please...”

“There’s more than one speed?”

“Oh my God, yeah...yeah there is. It’s the dial at the bottom, please turn it up a few clicks,  _ please _ .”

It was a little difficult for Ed to do, as he was more than a bit preoccupied, but he managed to turn the dial on the vibrator. In addition, he also sped up his thrusts. The combination seemed to work for Oswald as he bit his lip and grasped at the pillow above his head.

“Mm...mm..much better.”

“This thing should’ve come with an instruction manual.”

“Shh...shh, you don’t need a manual…”

Ed chuckled and continued his ministrations. He moved the vibrator down to the base of Oswald’s cock, and then kept going to test the stimulation on his testicles. After getting a few more whimpers and movement out of Oswald, Ed considered it a success and then dragged it even further down. He teased the vibrator close to Oswald’s ass as he continued fucking him. The toy had warmed up considerably since they started, and there was a trail of Oswald’s pre-come along the shiny metal. Ed could start to feel the vibrations himself, and he wondered what would happen if he actually…

“Oh fuck!” Oswald panted as the metal was placed between him and Ed’s cock.

Ed was breathing heavy too as he tipped his head back. He snapped his hips faster, relishing that good feeling. Oswald was hot and tight, and the vibrator added a new level of sensitivity, the tip of it was warm while the rest of it was still a little cold. He pressed the toy a little harder against Oswald’s hole, hoping to increase the intensity, but on one thrust he felt the tip of the toy slip in with him.

A hand flew up to his shoulder as Oswald cried out, and Ed stopped. Oswald looked up at him with a surprised expression and wide eyes, but then the corner of his mouth twitched up into a smile and he relaxed a bit.

“I...I admire your curious mind, and experimentation, but...I think that’s a little advanced for you.”

“What’s too adva-?”

“Why don’t you use it on my head again?” Oswald fluttered his lashes. “And maybe increase the speed again? For me?”

“Of course, I think I’ve dragged you along enough for now.” Ed made a show of clicking the dial up a few notches. He moved the vibrator up until he got a weird look from Oswald. “Wrong head, right, right, right that wouldn’t make sense.”

He brought the toy down to Oswald’s cock and as he started applying pressure, he started moving his hips too. This time he didn’t waste a moment ramping up to a fast pace. He had been getting close before their slight hiccup and he wanted to get back to that spot as soon as he could. The slow and easy style worked in the beginning, but now Ed was mercilessly fucking into Oswald, rushing towards the end.

It was a good thing the trays were on the floor, because Ed was sure the bed was shaking the bed when he came; or maybe it was just his shaky knees and the lingering vibrations. He continued thrusting and pressing the toy hard against the head of Oswald’s cock until he came with his fist in the sheets.

Ed pulled out with a sigh and flopped onto the bed. Oswald still had his eyes closed as he slowed his breathing. With a small smile, Ed shifted closer, cautiously reaching out an arm to pull Oswald in for a hug, when the smaller man spoke.

“You left it on.”

There was still the faint hum that Ed recognized and he awkwardly grabbed the vibrator to shut it off. He turned back to Oswald, but the opportunity had passed. The penguin was sitting up and stretching his arms.

“So, what are we doing with the rest of the day?”

Ed got up and went to get a washcloth from the bathroom. “I was thinking you could choose something.”

“ _ Me _ ?”

“Well, I kind of took over yesterday. So what would your ideal day be like?” After cleaning himself up he came back and handed the cloth to Oswald.

“Easy. It would involve me beating Theo Galavan to death with a baseball bat and shoving my umbrella down his goddamn throat.”

Ed was quiet a moment. “Y-Yeah...um, I was thinking something a little...less impossible.”

“If you can’t deliver me Theo Galavan on a silver platter then why bother asking? That’s my only ideal right now.”

“Okay...well how about if Galavan  _ wasn’t _ in the picture? What’s your ideal day  _ excluding _ any form of revenge?”

Oswald huffed and started getting redressed. “Hm...honestly, it hasn’t been too far off. Breakfast in bed, sex following that breakfast…”

Check and check, Ed was pleasantly surprised he was meeting expectations he didn’t even know about. However, the next box would have to go unchecked.

“Then I’d love to take a walk in the park. I would sometimes take my mother out on weekends and we’d sit on a bench and watch the birds and the city.” Oswald smiled, reminiscing, and then it faded. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve been to a park.”

“Yeah, that...that’d be nice.” Ed would love to take Oswald out, walk around a small city park in the snow. Both of them bundled up and their breath forming clouds in the air, they would sit close together on a bench, for warmth. “But unfortunately, you know…”

“Yeah, yeah. If I went out in the open I’d probably get a bullet through my head. But…” now he looked at Ed, “maybe a turn around the block wouldn’t hurt?”

Oh Ed would want that, but he wanted Oswald here and safe more. “You can’t risk it.”

Oswald looked away as he heaved a sigh. “Yeah...alright.”

Ed pressed his lips together. He thought he’d been doing such a good job raising Oswald’s spirits yesterday, and now it felt like he was losing that traction. He also hated leaving an item unchecked, so that would bother him from now on. Then, like a lightbulb, he had an idea for a compromise.

“Oswald, finish getting dressed, I think I have an idea.”

“A good one, or a bad one?”

Ed pulled on his own shirt and pants. “A good one, obviously.”

Oswald rolled his eyes and started buttoning the pajama shirt. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

After Ed put on his shoes and wrapped Oswald up in a robe he stood in front of the sliding door. “We’re going to go out!”

Oswald stopped his grumbling and his eyes widened. “I-I...I can leave?”

“Well…we won’t be  _ leaving _ per se, but there will be fresh air involved.” He opened the door and stepped out into the hall.

Oswald hesitated before crossing the threshold. Then he smiled at Ed before making for the staircase. However, Ed caught him by the wrist.

“Actually, we’ll be taking a different route.”

Oswald raised an eyebrow at him and then looked at the descending stairs. He continued to stare until Ed gently tugged on his wrist. Ed led them to the end of the hall where there was a metal door with a sign on it, warning against any entry. Yet, with no fear, Ed pushed on it and there was a metal staircase beyond. He tugged on Oswald’s hand again.

“Come on, we have to go up.”

“Oh...I get it now. That’s why you were being so nice this morning, today’s the day you’re finally going to murder me.”

Ed smiled, but the one he got back was still a little uneasy. Still, Oswald allowed himself to be pulled up the dusty stairs. There was another door at the top that Ed had to shoulder open, regretfully having to let go of Oswald, but then they were greeted by a gust of chilled air. Ed took the first step onto the roof and offered Oswald his hand again. Oswald seemed a little cautious, but he tightened the robe around himself and accepted Ed’s assistance.

Once on the roof, they walked through the thin layer of snow to an edge. Ed did keep them from getting too close though. “Well...it’s not a park, but...it is outside.”

Oswald still shuffled a little closer to the short wall, looking over before looking up at the passing grey clouds. “That’s true.”

Ed spared a glance upward too, but then his eyes drifted down to Oswald’s face again. There was a hint of wistfulness and calm there, softening the lines of his face and the look in his eyes. Ed lightly squeezed his hand, but that’s when Oswald removed it from his grip.

Oswald crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the other buildings. He paused before speaking. “I want my city.”

“Don’t worry.” Ed put a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll get it back, and...I’ll help you. I promise.”

A moment passed and then Oswald’s eyes flicked over to meet Ed’s. It wasn’t quite a smile he gave, but the corner of his mouth tugged up for a second. Then he returned his hard gaze to the city. “I’ll get it back.”

They stayed on the roof for a while longer. The sounds of the city drifting upwards, Gotham certainly wasn’t as lazy on a Sunday as they were. Ed had since dropped his hand from Oswald’s shoulder, but he didn’t need to be touching Oswald to notice him shivering, one might even say vibrating.

Ed cleared his throat. “Well? Should we head back? I know I’m getting a little cold.”

Oswald didn’t say anything, taking a deep breath instead. Ed decided to make the first move and took a few steps back towards the stairs. “I think I’ll make hot chocolate to warm myself up.”

He then heard a sigh followed by the crunch of snow, and when he got the door open, Oswald was right there. Ed let him go first and shut the door behind them. He followed Oswald down to the apartment level, and caught him staring at the regular staircase again as Ed slid open his door. He nudged Oswald lightly, and gave him a smile. Oswald smiled back quickly, and then walked back into the apartment with Ed.


End file.
